Black and Blue
by RitaChaCha
Summary: Set immediately after Bella's wedding, Jacob struggles to cope with her choice and Sam's decision to assign a very broken Leah to patrol with him. Can two wounded wolves help each other to heal? Or will they help each other to self destruct? A tale of love, lust, friendship and sacrifice.
1. The Blackest of hearts

_All storylines and characters that bear a resemblance to the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer. All other ideas and storylines belong to me. This story was written for pleasure not profit. I'm experimenting with writing._

**1. ****The Blackest of Hearts**

Jacob ran across the beach, the icy wind nipping at him as his toes raked across the sand. It didn't bother him. He never felt the cold.

Not on the _outside_ anyway. Inside was a different story - a desolate place without warmth or comfort.

He'd given Bella Swan everything he had, and now that she was married to his mortal enemy and five days into her honeymoon, there was nothing left. No smiles, no hugs, no good natured banter. He was an empty shell of the boy he had once been.

Sam had always told him that he and the other werewolves couldn't age as long as they continued to phase, but Jacob knew that was a lie. He'd aged. The moment he'd left her wedding he said goodbye to his youth. It had already been compromised by the curse that made him a werewolf rearing its ugly head, but now it was all gone. He was a man - and a broken one at that. How could anybody still have any boy-like wonder when the girl they loved chose another, one that would turn her into a bloodsucking freak or (more likely) kill her in the process? It wasn't possible. Jacob grew up overnight.

His passage into adulthood made him reflect on everything he had done when he had tried to romance Bella. Every childish mistake. Every instance that probably made him seem so inferior to her precious Edward. He shouldn't have been emotional and impulsive. Bella clearly liked brooding and stoic. He shouldn't have made his love for her so obvious. Bella clearly thrived on a man conveying elusiveness. Her precious vampire rationed his kisses, left her and returned at his leisure. Jacob had followed Bella around like a lapdog and couldn't keep his hands off her.

The first time he really kissed her she punched him in the face. All of his pack brothers had watched his memories of that day and laughed as Bella clutched at her injured hand, gloating that Jacob hadn't even been hurt. They were fools. He'd _never_ _been so hurt_ and had never really recovered from somebody he loved so much rejecting him so badly. Just as Bella's vampire treated her mean and kept her keen, Jacob never stopped loving Bella – no matter how terribly she wounded him. He still dreamed about her chocolate brown eyes and running his hands through her silky mahogany hair. Still found his mind wandering back to that one perfect kiss on the top of a mountain, her hands plastered across his chest and fisting his hair.

The knowledge that he had been found wanting compared to Edward made Jacob doubt himself. He would find himself thinking that he shouldn't have hung out with her so much in the garage drinking warm soda – not when that rich motherfucker could afford to take her to fancy restaurants. He shouldn't have been so wrapped up in the Rabbit – not when that bastard was able, with a snap of his fingers, to buy her an Audi.

Bella had always claimed she was a no frills sort of girl, but then she picked Mr Frills himself as a husband.

It didn't make sense. So Jacob ran some more. The summer holidays had arrived and he had nothing to do other than grieve. He had been placed on double patrol duties as penance for his long absence after he had received Bella's wedding invitation. He knew he deserved it so he tried not to complain. Sam had decided to pair Jacob with Leah for the majority of his punishment. Leah was perpetually being put on double patrols herself for one infraction or another. Sam had said that the pairing was because her speed was a good counterbalance to his strength, but Jacob knew the truth. He and Leah had the most unpleasant minds in the whole pack these days and no one wanted to share headspace with either of them. Putting the two of them together left everybody else in relative peace. He knew that Embry and Seth had both questioned Sam after that decision. They saw it as cruel. Jacob told them not to worry. Neither he nor Leah could be any more miserable than they already were. What difference did it make if they were exposed to each other's pain?

Unlike Jacob's mental self flagellation, Leah's mind was awash with fury. She hated everyone so much that she could barely form proper thoughts about why they were all so deplorable. Jacob often only heard the specific insults she was hurling at him, with her rage forming a fuzzy white noise that blared all around him. Unlike his pack brothers, Leah's jibes didn't irk him. There was nothing nasty that she could say to him that he wasn't already saying to himself.

Jacob approached the cliffs and saw her sitting at the very edge, shoulders hunched over as her legs dangled off the side. A normal human wouldn't be able to see her at all, but Jacob wasn't human. He paused for a moment. They weren't meant to patrol together for another hour. She would be angry at him for bothering her before then.

"_Screw it_" he thought and kept running towards her. She'd be angry no matter what and he had planned to run this way. No way was he letting any more moping women dictate how he lived his life. That's what he'd done with Bella and look where that had gotten him.

He made what he thought was a noisy entrance at the top of the cliff path but Leah didn't stir. He plonked himself down at his favourite thinking spot several metres away and cleared his throat. When she turned to look at him he realised that he had been very wrong. She hadn't heard him at all. Her eyes were red and swollen, tears streaming down her cheeks. She immediately wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt, turning her mouth into a grimace.

"You tell anyone and I'll kill you," she hissed at him.

"No one wants to talk to my miserable ass, so who am I gonna tell? _Paul_ told me the other day that he'd rather hang out with you than me!" he replied. "Besides, part of me wants you to kill me," he added under his breath.

They sat in uncomfortable silence and Jacob watched the angry waves thrashing far below them. A storm was brewing and a stroke of lightening flashed in the distance.

"Can you push me?" she finally asked, turning her face back towards him. He saw the agony and desperation there, but he couldn't quite believe that he had heard correctly. He raised his eyebrow at her, full of confusion.

"I came up here to jump, but I can't because of Sam's stupid Alpha Order. Push me and put me out of my misery," she pleaded.

"What Alpha Order?" Jacob enquired.

Leah sighed and her shoulders fell, her chin almost drooping on her knees. "Can't you just push me - no questions asked?"

"Nope. If I'm gonna murder you I want to know why Clearwater," Jacob found himself edging over a little. She was still an arm's length away but he could now see that she was wringing her hands and that her fingers were red and chaffed from the force she was using.

"I told him I didn't think that I could come to his wedding on Saturday and that Emily would need to find another maid of honour, and then he _ordered me_ to be there and do my best to make Emily happy." Another tear slid down Leah's cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it away. "I came up here to try and find a way out, but it turns out that if the _mighty freaking Alpha_ gives you an order about what he wants you to do on the weekend, you can't knowingly take yourself out of the picture before then."

Jacob tensed. It didn't seem right to order Leah to do anything. Sam was usually pretty sparing with Alpha Orders. They had all had so many choices taken away from them already, but he knew exactly what would make Sam, who was ordinarily a good and fair leader, unreasonable and selfish.

Imprinting.

Woo-Woo stars and moonbeams love at first sight for wolves. Jacob wondered if the spirits had simply doubted the social skills of those with the shifter gene, because so far their choices made no sense whatsoever. Sam had been in a happy loving relationship with Leah until he imprinted on her cousin Emily. Then, bada-bing! Emily was _it_ for Sam and he wanted to do whatever it took to make her happy. Leah, being a shifter and constantly stuck in Sam's head had to see the whole thing in technicolour. It was a disaster that had been followed by the pack's most flagrant womaniser, Paul, imprinting on Jacob's older sister. His_ sister_. Quil had imprinted on a two year old, which, even if Quil's thoughts remained platonic, was undeniably creepy. Jared was the only wolf whose imprint didn't seem offensive to Jacob. He'd imprinted on Kim, a girl that sat next to him at school and was in love with him already. Even that was slightly off though. Kim and Jared had spoken hundreds of times and Jared had never paid the slightest bit of attention to her. It made Jacob uncomfortable that Jared's attitude towards a girl was so wholly altered by wolf magic. His non-relationship with Bella might have been a disaster, but at least it was built on shared experiences and grew over time. Imprinting was the opposite. The imprint was immediately the centre of the wolf's universe. The wolf was guided by an urgent need to protect the imprint and to give them their hearts desire.

Jacob hated imprinting. Imprinted couples seemed to think that non-imprinted people didn't know anything about love. He had often heard Paul and Jared criticising Jacob's obsession with Bella on the basis that she was "not his imprint". They acted like that fact alone negated Jacob's hurt. It was infuriating. They took the same approach to Leah. They assumed that, because she could see the experience of imprinting first hand through the pack mind, she should be more sympathetic to Sam and Emily. Jacob knew full well that that it was possible to love someone like crazy without an imprint. Even now, a part of his mind was always on Bella, wondering if she was drawing her last breath. Wondering if she had turned into a monster.

"Jacob?" Leah ventured, interrupting his thoughts.

"I had no idea that Sam was such a butthead," Jacob answered, returning his mind to Leah's dilemma.

"He's not," Leah moaned. "That's the problem. _He's Sam_. He'd do anything to make the girl he loves happy. He'd take on the whole world. I'm... just not that girl anymore."

"Why did you agree to be maid of honour in the first place?" Jacob asked.

"I never specifically agreed really. When we were little girls we had a pact that we would be each other's maid of honour. As nine year olds we didn't really think much about clarifying that the deal was void if on the big day we were both in love with the same person." Leah snorted. Jacob was surprised at the idea of Leah fantasising about her wedding as a little girl. She always seemed like one of the guys. Then again, how could she not be with nine dudes filling up her headspace twenty-four seven?

Jacob almost reached out to Leah's face as a fresh wave of tears began, but thought better of it. Just because she had a fantasy about weddings once didn't mean she was the type of girl who wanted to be held while she cried. He was pretty sure that she was going to tear into him once they were in wolf form just to prove that she wasn't weak. Maybe he would let her. Jacob didn't care about much these days, but hers was pain that he could understand. He knew what it was like to be overlooked in favour of another. He knew what it was like to have it rubbed in his face and still not to be able to look away. Maybe he was the only person in the pack who really _got_ just how much Leah was struggling. He felt startled by the stab of protectiveness coursing through his stomach.

"Emily should have known better. I don't know about the girl code, but if a bro steals another bro's girl then all bets are off," Jacob said darkly.

"You just let me know when they release the version of the girl code that covers appropriate etiquette with regards to imprinting," Leah retorted.

"It feels like your pain has gotten worse since before I left. Is it just because the wedding's coming up?" Jacob asked tentatively. They were having a real conversation about feelings now. It was uncharted territory for them – and for him. Bella had always clammed right up when anyone mentioned her vampire. He had supported her while the leech was gone by distracting and entertaining her. For a moment he wished that Embry, who was infinitely better at this stuff, was up here with Leah and not him. Embry even had a not-so-secret crush on Leah and would be able to convincingly give her the spiel about finding new love. Embry had already tried to give Jacob that speech twice before Jacob had threatened to give him a concussion. Jacob wondered if Leah found those sorts of speeches as annoying as he did. Not only did they trivialise the situation, but they were setting people up for failure. Maybe Jacob would never find anyone else. There were plenty of lonely, sad people out there. Why should he assume that he would be any luckier than any of them?

"It's because of Quil and Claire," Leah responded, distracting Jacob from his racing thoughts. "After Sam wrecked her face and I phased and Dad died, it was getting harder to hate her. Everything was too chaotic. When Quil imprinted I realised just how much it was possible to despise someone, but no one else seemed to even clue in to what it all meant."

Jacob wasn't sure he understood the issue either. Quil and Claire's imprint was different because she was a toddler. His feelings for her were brotherly, almost paternal. He just wanted her to be safe and happy. Everyone assumed that in fifteen or so years that would change when Claire's needs did. Until then Quil was the werewolf equivalent of a monk.

The penny dropped.

Emily had needed Sam as a lover. On some level she had craved it. That was what Leah was upset about. In a matter of weeks, Emily had been able to shack up with Sam because that desire was more important than any loyalty she felt for Leah. On some basic level, Emily had let her own romantic needs trump Leah's feelings. Emily didn't _need_ Leah to be happy in order to be happy herself.

Jacob let out a cry of disgust. "She wanted him more than she wanted to protect you. Sam was ultimately responding to that, otherwise he would have been friend-zoned just like Quil".

"Yup," Leah said. "No one cares though. They all think I'm a bitch and that I deserved what happened. They love Emily with her muffins and constant need to coddle everyone. She's the golden girl."

Jacob knew Leah was right. Everyone loved Emily. She nurtured all the boys, nursed wounds and provided each new wolf with immediate and unconditional love. Even after Leah had pointed out that Emily had some pretty obvious short comings, he was still finding it hard to think ill of her.

"Do you think..." Leah trailed off before finishing her question. She bit her lip uncertainly.

"What?" Jacob prodded.

"Do you think that the imprint goes on after people stop phasing?" Leah whispered.

Jacob closed his eyes and drew in a sharp breath. Was Leah really imagining that in five or ten years Sam might come home to her? He chastised himself for being surprised. He would have waited a lifetime for Bella. Ironically she was in quite a hurry to die.

"I think-" Jacob started, pausing to choose his words carefully. "I think that even if the imprint goes away, people are left with a person they have bound themselves to through marriage and sharing a home. The woo-woo stuff might go. Who knows? But it would be hard to leave the life you built with someone else." He winced as he said the words, expecting Leah to strike him, but she stared vacantly into the distance.

"I kinda already worked that out," she muttered. "He's never gonna leave her, especially after what he did to her face. On top of it all, he's never even going to work out that it didn't need to happen like this."

Jacob couldn't help but feel a surge of admiration for Leah. She wasn't just going through the loss of a lover, she'd lost her best friend in a brutal act of betrayal. Emily had sent Sam away initially but caved not long after. Leah deserved a friend who didn't covet her former flame while she was still in mourning.

"So..." Leah looked at him expectantly.

"So," Jacob replied confusedly.

"So, will you push me off this damn cliff already!" Leah snapped.

Jacob thought about how much he had wanted to die just five days ago when Bella married Edward. He certainly understood the urge. Embry had stayed there with him in wolf form sending him images of Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, Quil and Seth. It had taken hours but eventually Jacob had realised that he couldn't take his own life. Even though he was probably ruined forever, there was more to his existence than Bella. He remembered what it was like when his mother died. He wouldn't knowingly make any of his friends or family suffer like that.

"I get where you're coming from, believe me. I've lost everything too – but Seth and Sue already had to deal with losing your father. Do you think they'd cope with losing you too? It would destroy them!"

Leah frowned. "Maybe you could just rough me up really badly then. Enough that I won't be healed by the wedding. Emily would have to back off if I was oozing pus and blood and on crutches."

Jacob felt his mouth quirk a little at the edges. Leah was the only girl he knew who would ever want a beating over being a bridesmaid. He clapped his hand over his mouth in surprise. It was the first time he had smiled in days.

Leah mistook the gesture. "Come on, you know that we heal anyway. I'm asking you to do it. It's not like you'd be a woman-beater or anything."

"How about I think about it?" Jacob said carefully. "We've got two days, if you still feel the same way right before the wedding then maybe I can think of something."

"Whatever," Leah said sullenly.

"Leah," Jacob said, steeling his resolve and bringing his hand to the side of her face. "Is there anything I can do for you, anything at all that doesn't involve inflicting bodily harm?"

Leah met his gaze sadly. "Nope. Not unless you can think of how to stop Sam bossing me around."

Suddenly she gasped and clapped her hand over Jacob's own palm on her cheek.

"Jake! Jake you _could_ do that!" She was gripping him tightly now, excitement shining in her eyes.

"What are you talking about woman?" She really was impossible to follow.

"You could step up. Be Alpha-"

"No! No way Leah!" Jacob interrupted her. "I don't want to be Alpha. I'd be hopeless at it. I'm not saying Sam's doing a great job at the moment, but what he's doing is ten times what I could. It's a good thing that we walk around half naked because I have struggled to dress myself this week. You're the only person in the pack who can bear to share thoughts with me and I think you'll agree it's not pretty. I can't be a leader right now. Probably not ever, but _definitely not now_."

Leah began to shake. He watched her convulsing and realised that thinking of a solution and having it taken away so quickly had pushed her over the edge. He grabbed her and threw her away from the cliff face moments before she phased, shredding her shorts and shirt as she did. Jacob tossed off his own cutoffs and felt the ripple as he took on wolf form. Paws racing on the ground, he headed north knowing that Leah would run south.

_You two are early_, Quil said.

_Out of my head paedophile_, Leah snarked. _Take an early mark to look at some kiddy porn_.

Jacob felt Quil's annoyance, coupled with the thought that he could make it to Neah Bay to visit Claire if he left now.

_Bye Jake. Enjoy patrolling with the bitch_,Quil thought as he phased out.

_You guys okay_? Embry was not as easily distracted as Quil.

_Yeah bro, just peachy_. Jacob tried to keep his thoughts away from Leah's suicidal mind and crying fit by singing the most annoying song he could think of.

_Why are you reciting the lyrics to "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall?"_

_Time to phase out Em_, Jacob ignored his question. He knew that his friends were surprised by how unpleasant he was recently. They didn't seem to understand that his misery over Bella seeped into every single moment. Embry phased leaving Jacob alone with Leah. She was emitting the same buzz of rage that ordinarily paralysed the others. Jacob let it wash over him.

_I am sorry, Leah._

_Spineless piece of shit_, she roared at him.

_I meant what I said about considering helping you out with a broken leg or two though_, Jacob tried to placate her.

_If you're too gutless to be Alpha, how the hell you gonna break any part of me, Black_?

She was setting a cracking pace as she distanced herself from him. Maybe it was because she was leaner than the rest of them, but she often seemed faster than the wind. She carried herself differently too. Jacob felt a wave of pride flow through Leah, having heard his thoughts. He tried to send her visuals of specific times when she had done something impressive.

_Nice try but I'm not an idiot. You still owe me some assault and battery seeing as you're too pussy to help me out the only way you can as a pacifist_.

_I don't owe you jack Clearwater._

_Bet Bella's enjoying fucking Cullen right now. Jiggling right on his shiny ice-cold cock._

Jacob let out a roar. He knew she was trying to goad him into hurting her, but he wasn't sure if he could stop himself from actually murdering her if she hit him with those sorts of thoughts. He turned around to follow her.

_I'm going to make you wish you were never born_, he yelled.

_Already there Black, already there_.

Jacob seized at the most obvious response to Leah's jibe about Bella. _Emily would never say something so purposefully hateful_. He tried to snatch the thought back but Leah heard the words just as Jacob himself was regretting them.

_Leah, I'm sorry_, he thought. _God I seem to spend all our time together apologising_.

_Leah? _Jacob slowed as he processed Leah's silence. She was sniffing the edge of a tree carefully. He could feel the exact moment when she realised what she had scented.

_Vampire_.


	2. The Bluest of Wolves

2. The Bluest of Wolves

Jacob felt Leah's terror, he felt her revulsion. He felt the tiny part of her that had worked out that there was indeed another way that she could get around Sam's order.

_Leah, just wait_, he begged as he picked up the pace, racing towards her. A heavy rain began to fall as the festering storm erupted around them. _Please wait for me and we'll kill it together_.

Leah was dashing back in his direction. The vampire was flitting around in the trees above them. The stench was overwhelming. The pack had learned after the Newborn War that the Cullens, offensive as they were, had a milder odour to those that fed on humans. The vampire they were pursuing was definitely not a vegetarian.

Leah reached the clearing between them right as the bloodsucker darted to the ground. She paused for a moment. _How exactly did you ask a leech to rough you up enough to not have to watch the love of your life marry another?_ She was torn between the instinct to destroy the enemy and the hopeless conclusion she had reached earlier that day: she might not actually have anything left worth fighting for.

The vampire sized her up, smiling to reveal her fangs.

_Please Leah_, she heard Jacob plead.

"Here doggy" the vampire beckoned, her voice scratching like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Leah fought impulse and waited for the attack. It would be a relief to have a physical wound to match the gaping one inside of her. She _needed_ this.

The vampire was fast, but Jacob was faster. He reached Leah moments before the bloodsucker, shoving her into the bushes skirting the clearing.

_You might not want to live but I sure as shit won't watch you die_, Jacob roared in her mind.

Leah groaned as she rolled on the ground. He might be saving her, but the force of his protective strike was paralysing. She watched through the pack mind as Jacob ran in pursuit of the vampire who had already hightailed it back south as soon as Jacob's wolf had arrived. She heard Jacob notice that the hair of the vampire was a deep brown with red highlights.

_Just like Bella's._

She felt Jacob take in the slim form of the predator he was nearing as he scampered along the forest floor.

_Just like Bella._

She listened as Jacob asked himself a million questions in the time it took the vampire to turn around to face him.

_If Bella changed on the first night of her honeymoon could this be her? If it was, then Edward didn't screw up and kill her. Not exactly. What was she doing here? Where were the Cullens?_

All of Jacob's nightmares flooded into Leah. Bella as an undead predator, cold and cruel. Bella smelling wrong, fangs dripping with crimson_. _Bella killing Charlie and Billy_. Him killing Bella_. Leah hadn't realised just how much thought Jacob had given to what Bella turning into a vampire might actually mean. His heartache was crippling.

The vampire slinked up towards Jake, her red eyes blazing. Jacob's wolf eyes blinked and he fell on his hind legs stretching out his paws in supplication. It didn't look like his Bella, _but it wouldn't would it?_

_Jake it's not her! Focus! _Leah clasped at her side and limped towards them. She howled, alerting the wolfpack to the threat, her strangled cry chiming along with the resonating thunder.

Jacob hesitated and the vampire took the opportunity to claw him with both hands, scratching down from his cheeks to his chest with a savage intensity that left him with mirroring wounds down each side of his wolf. Bleeding and breathless, he let out a low groan and sank to his belly.

_Bella I love you_, Leah heard him murmur.

_It's NOT BELLA Jake! Get up and rip her head off! _Leah was running again now, ignoring the pain raking through her. She reached the scene of the attack just in time to watch through both her own eyes and Jacob's as the vampire pounced on his back, lodging her heeled boots in his fur, dislocating his left shoulder and cracking his spine.

Leah jumped straight for them and bared her teeth, ripping at the vampire's neck and severing head from body. The corpse bounced away from them, arms and legs still flailing, landing a kick to Leah's abdomen which made her dizzy and nauseas. She launched herself up again as the headless predator blindly crawled towards its skull. She tore at the leg that struck her, shaking her head backwards so as to toss it as far away as possible. Part of her wanted to stop and nurse her injured belly, but a glance towards Jacob's exposed and listless wolf told her that she couldn't. She channelled the vicious rage that pulsed through her veins– so often she had nowhere to direct it - shredding another leg and two arms until the dismembered body was writhing on the ground. She phased instantly and ran to Jake's side.

"It's over," she said, stroking his fur cautiously. "Phase back now so the others don't know." Jacob whimpered and slowly, agonisingly, pulled himself back into his human form.

"Good going," Leah whispered softly. "I _promise_ it wasn't her." _God, he was almost as fucked up as she was, and at least twice as stupid._

"Bella," Jake cried. Leah moved to cradle him in her arms. The wounds on his face were weeping and the blood mingled with Jacob's own tears and the rain that sheeted down against them.

"No, not Bella," Leah said evenly. "Bella has a heart shaped face, that girl had a square jaw. _Look_." Leah pointed towards the head of the decapitated leech. It was screaming obscenities in what sounded like Russian. "Since when is Bella bilingual, huh?" she continued. Jacob's breathing steadied a little. "And look at the outfit! When has Bella ever been one to wear head to toe leather and fuck me boots?" Leah asked.

"Bella," Jake repeated, his eyes rolling backwards.

"Stay with me Jake," Leah yelled. "Keep your fucking eyes open!" She was worried now. Could a wolf survive a spinal injury? Everything else healed, but did the spine? She probably shouldn't have moved him. What if she'd paralysed him?

Leah was aware of the sound of approaching wolves. "Come on Jake, help's nearly here."

_Where the fuck was Sam when she needed him? The least the asshole could do was order Jake not to die._

She spotted Paul's wolf as he bounded towards them. He phased and pulled a lighter from the cutoffs tied to his leg, searching for a more sheltered space to start a fire. Leah ignored him and kept murmuring to Jacob.

"It's gonna be okay, Jake." A purple haze surrounded them as the remains of the vampire smouldered underneath an overhanging rock nearby.

She could hear the footfall of more wolves but she didn't bother to see who it was. She wiped the hair from Jacob's forehead as he convulsed and drifted into unconsciousness. "I'll kill you if you die!" She yelled at him.

"Move Leah," Embry barked at her as he and Seth arrived. Leah ignored them and kept rocking Jacob back and forth.

"Looks bad," Seth said.

"He's had worse," Paul remarked. Leah cringed. The last time it had been _her_ fault. When she thought about it, it was pretty much her fault this time as well. If she'd waited like Jacob asked then she could have helped him see that the vampire wasn't Bella and he wouldn't have been alone and defenceless when the idiotic thought popped up in his head.

"Unless you're planning on breastfeeding him Clearwater, you're going to need to let go so we can help him out," Paul snarked. Even in a crisis Paul couldn't hide his lecherous nature. He might have imprinted, but he was still a pervert. He was just a pervert that wanted to go home to only Rachel Black.

Leah was suddenly aware that she was very naked and holding an equally nude Jacob in her arms. She eased herself back and felt Seth press his shirt into her hands.

"Thanks Sethy," she murmured, pulling her brother's large black top over her shoulders. Luckily Seth was so big these days that his t-shirts covered everything that needed to be covered on her. "Jake's back might be broken," she mumbled.

Seth squeezed her shoulder. "I'm gonna phase so we can get a car out here. Maybe we can get Mom and Dr Cullen to look at him before we try getting him home".

Embry patted her shoulder softly. "Are you hurt Leah?" She winced as his hand ran along the right side of her body. She was already starting to bruise where she fell and the pain in her stomach was excruciating.

"I'll live," she mumbled. She didn't know exactly how she felt about that right now.

She watched as Jake's breathing became uneven. Paul was stooped over whispering something in his ear. She wobbled as she tried to make her way back to them.

"Easy there," Embry cautioned, snaking his arm around her waist to steady her. Leah was torn between the need to collapse completely and the desire to slap him in the face. She was tired and everything had happened so fast, but she was not a hugger. Other than Seth, she never hugged anyone anymore.

"Hands off the merchandise, Call!" She snapped. "I just fought a vampire. Do you think you could leave feeling me up for a more appropriate time? Like, _never ever?_" Embry shot her a wounded glare and raised his arms in surrender. Leah felt a surge of power. She could get through this. She was in control.

Seth rejoined them, absentmindedly pulling a twig from his hair. "Jared, Colin and Brady are running the perimeter. Paul, Sam wants you to join them. Embry you've been tasked with taking Leah to Sam for a debrief. My Mom's on her way, we're going to take Jake to Dr Cullen, seeing as he has an X-ray machine in his basement. I'll call Quil but he probably can't-"

"No way," Leah interrupted. "I'm going with Jake to see Dr Fang." _She couldn't leave him alone and risk him telling someone that she had tried to get herself killed and then he'd had a complete meltdown because a vampire's hair reminded him of Bella. They were both going to have to get their stories straight to prevent exposure. And ridicule._

"For fuck's sake Leah – can't you just do what you're told for once!" Paul exploded.

Leah felt her legs wobbling again and she leaned on the nearest tree before they could betray her.

Embry eyed her carefully. "She might actually need medical attention, Paul."

Leah bristled, preparing to attack Embry for talking about her like she wasn't standing right in front of them. She managed to catch herself just before the tirade escaped. Embry was giving her an out here. She just had to play it up a little and they'd let her stay with Jake. _Do your best impersonation of wounded and helpless_, she told herself. She tried to grab her stomach the way Bella Swan used to. She had seen the memory in Jacob's head a thousand times, her arms wrapped around her small frame as if she was literally trying to hold herself together. She stared at the ground not making eye contact with any of them. It felt all wrong. Leah always looked everyone right in the eye. To make things worse, her stomach actually did really hurt.

"Leah?" She could hear the worry in Seth's voice. She slumped her shoulder and bit down on her lower lip. Paul swore under his breath. "Look at her! Geez! She's coming with us." Seth continued.

"I'll tell Sam," Embry agreed.

Leah marvelled at what she could accomplish via silence rather than abuse. She was an in your face, tell-it-like-it-is kind of girl and unashamedly assertive and pushy. She far preferred people to see her as a bitch than needy or weak. Despite this, as far as the pack was concerned, when she asked for things without getting into a temper, no one paid much attention to the things she wanted. Not that she wanted anything much. She had to yell to be heard and even if they acquiesced, they almost always found a way to let her know just how inconvenient she was, just like Paul had right now. It boggled Leah's mind that, in contrast to their treatment of her, they all fell over themselves to satisfy the whims – no matter how unreasonable – of their imprints, all of whom where undeniably submissive women (Rachel had her moments but she had nothing on Paul). It seemed that the punishment for being a strong woman was to be rendered voiceless by the mob, a situation that was all the more unbearable because she was so naturally dominant.

Tonight she'd play submissive if got her what she wanted. It would be a one-time thing.

Sue arrived not long after, barking instructions about how to lift Jacob without doing more damage to his neck and back. Leah and Jacob were bundled into the back of Bella's old truck which had made its way back to La Push when Edward had decided it wasn't fancy enough for his bride to be.

"Bella," Jacob stirred.

"Nah, just her truck," Leah corrected him, hoping he didn't make a stupid comment in front of everyone about the vampire they had just killed. "It probably smells like her," she added to the other three wolves. Paul rolled his eyes but Embry and Seth looked at Jacob sympathetically.

Seth jumped in front with her mother and Paul and Embry phased and headed back to the reservation.

Leah watched as sweat rolled across Jacob's face. She put her hand to his brow.

"Bet you actually feel a bit better having a physical reason to feel like shit," she joked. He didn't respond and she wondered if he could hear her.

The Cullens were waiting for them outside their mansion when they arrived. Leah could feel Jacob's discomfort as he was lifted by the leeches and she grabbed his hand reflexively. She didn't want to be there either. There was something so unnatural about them. She couldn't understand how humans didn't see it. The pale skin, the grating voices, the way that they sometimes forgot to breathe or blink. Let alone the stink. How Bella Swan could suck face with someone who had the supernatural equivalent of bin juice breath was beyond Leah.

"You're both injured," the vampire doctor observed. "My wife Esme can look at you Leah while I attend to Jacob. Did-"

"No." Leah interrupted. "Let's get Jake sorted and then we can worry about me." She knew that it would take longer this way, but she couldn't leave him to blab in front of Seth and her mother, and she felt that she owed him for her part in the night's fiasco.

She held his hand as they fussed around him. They popped his shoulder back and he howled before drifting right back into oblivion. They put him into different machines and tried to simultaneously clean the gashes on his face. _He looks like Emily_, she thought staring at the gaping wounds. She gagged a little and Seth rushed to find a bucket so she could vomit.

"Where did you get hit, sweetie" her mother was stroking her hair.

"Um, I... I got pushed on my side," she didn't need to explain who pushed her or why, "and I got kicked in the gut and you know...stuff." Leah felt a bit woozy.

"Can I look at you now, Leah?" Dr Fang was hovering over her.

"Jake?" she asked.

"The spinal cord is intact. He fractured three vertebrae and he'll need to wear a neck brace for a few days, but with his wolf healing he'll be fine. His face will probably be as good as new by tomorrow. I'm actually a bit surprised he's unconscious. His injuries in the newborn war were much more extensive."

_His spirit wasn't broken then_, Leah thought.

Leah allowed Dr Fang to inspect her injuries. It was hard not to phase with him being right in her face, but she tried to remind herself that he was helping. He asked an incessant stream of questions about her body and for some reason insisted on giving her an ultrasound because of the force of the blow she received to her midsection. Leah tried to tell him she was all broken down there long before any leeches got to her, but he just shushed her and continued his examination. Finally it was done and he agreed that she and Jacob could go home.

"How long before they can phase?" Seth asked. Leah's heart fluttered with fear. They were going to have to be so careful with their thoughts or else the whole pack would bear witness to their shame. She faced the Cullen leader intently, wondering if he would say she could phase on Saturday – that day was guaranteed to be torture anyway. The vampire with the long blond hair (Leah couldn't remember his name but she had nicknamed him "the Major" because he had trained them before the Newborn War) whispered something into Dr Fang's ear. She watched as his eyes darted across to Leah, back to the Major and then finally settled again on her.

"At least five days would be good. For both of them." Leah sighed in relief. Five days. Sam would be away on his honeymoon and she and Jacob would have time to get their minds under control.

"_Five days?_" Seth yelped. "I understand with Jacob, he's got broken bones. What's wrong with Leah? What aren't you telling us?"

"Nothing at all Seth" Carlisle soothed. "I want to run some tests and review all my notes from tonight to be able to give them both a clean bill of health. Leah's stomach injury is deceptively painful. I'm sure they both could phase earlier, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. The choice of course is up to them."

Leah had the distinct impression that Dr Fang was playing up her injuries so that she didn't need to phase. She had no idea why he would do that, but she would take any break anyone wanted to give her. Even one afforded by an albino parasite.

They said their farewells, agreeing to ask for permission for the doctor to enter the reservation for check-ups on Sunday morning. They were almost at the treaty line before Leah realised that her mother intended to take Jacob back to Billy's and then they would be separated. What if Jake talked in his sleep? Ugh. She should have asked Dr Fang to sew Jacob's mouth up. She allowed her mind to process all the different options before announcing "I'm staying at Billy's in case Jake needs something."

Sue looked at her strangely. "You heard Carlisle honey, you need rest too."

Leah shook her head. "He'll be upset when he wakes up. It was a rough fight. He saved me and I want to talk to him."

"I'll stay with Jake, Lee," Seth piped up. For the first time, Leah rued her brother's perpetual helpfulness.

She held up her hand to break the conversation. "No. I'm staying at Jake's. It's not a request and it's non-negotiable."

Of course every fucking pack member and imprint was waiting for them outside Billy Black's house. Nobody had any sense of personal space anymore. It was bad enough they were constantly in each other's heads but for some reason they were also always in each other's faces. Quil and Embry helped Seth manoeuvre Jacob into his room and they all ended up standing back outside in a semicircle on the front lawn. Leah knew that unless she redirected everyone quickly the whole night would unravel into a laboured discussion. She saw Sam clearing his throat, but before he could say anything she whistled loudly.

"Thanks for your attention," she said quickly. "Jacob and I fought a vampire today. The weather was a bitch and we both took a few hits. But we got her. She's dust." Leah wasn't thrilled about sharing the credit for the kill with Jacob, but it would be hard to explain his complete lack of involvement without also discussing his descent into madness.

"Jacob will be fine in a few days. He's got a neck brace to keep shit healing right. We can't phase for up to five days. Dr Sparkles will update us on Sunday but we're definitely off duty until then. So, everyone clear out to give Jake some space." The pack stared at her unmoving. Leah clutched at the one thing that might get her Alpha to lead them away. "We've got a big weekend coming up guys...everyone needs their beauty sleep for...you know." It tore at Leah to have to act like the wedding was an important event, she couldn't even say the word 'wedding' out loud right now. She didn't care if everyone turned up with bags under their eyes in cut offs. _But they cared_, and that was the clincher. The pack started to say their farewells, leaving just Billy and Seth with her.

Embry paused when he was about ten metres away. "Sorry I upset you earlier and sorry that you're hurting. Call me if there's anything I can do to help," he said under his breath before disappearing into the night.

Seth squeezed her hand. "I'll be round tomorrow, sis. Billy will call me if you or Jake need me. Love you."

Leah watched him leave before she turned to wheel Billy into the house. She stood with him awkwardly in the hallway.

"I'm staying here tonight," she finally said. She couldn't think of anything else to do other than state the obvious.

"Seth mentioned that." Billy replied. He didn't move though. Maybe there was something that he needed? Leah had never thought much about Billy's disability.

"Does Jake usually lift you into bed?" she asked, because it was exactly the question on her mind. Billy was family but she really didn't want to have to tuck him in or help him put on pyjamas.

Billy smiled. "We have a railing in my room Leah, no need for you to fuss."

"Great!" Leah quickly replied. "Well... I got fondled by a sparkling coven tonight so I'm going to use your shower if that's okay?"

"Towels in the cupboard" he called over his shoulder as he rolled himself down the hall.

Leah let the hot water wash away the awfulness of the day. Rachel was practically shacked up with Lahote these days, and she was able to slip into her bedroom and steal a pair of shorts and a tank top. Her nose crinkled in revulsion when she realised that the room smelled like Paul. _Gross_.

It was wolf instinct to investigate her surroundings and she found herself pacing the other rooms in the house, checking that none of the windows were open to the rain. She had been here many times as a little girl to play with Rebecca and Rachel but she rarely came here anymore.

She made her way to the lounge and slapped her face a few times to stay alert. It would be so easy to doze now but she was determined to be the first person to talk to Jacob when he came to. Her eyes drifted to the cluttered bookshelves that lined the walls. Maybe she could find something to distract her for a while. The shelves were an eclectic mix of Stephen King, Harry Potter, Matthew Reilly and chic lit. She assumed that between Rebecca, Rachel, Billy and Jacob they would have most genres covered. She snorted when she saw an Anne Rice novel and rolled her eyes when she realised that Bram Stokers Dracula was right next to it. In the end what drew her attention was a small well thumbed soft cover book called the "Art of Meditation". Rage helped her to block her thoughts, but she suspected Jacob would need another technique if they were ever going to properly hide what had happened from the pack. _They could never know. It was bad enough that if there was a heaven, her father would have seen what she had done. She didn't need anybody on earth finding out_. _Pack mind be damned, no one was finding out just how much she had nearly screwed up._

She padded barefoot back into Jacob's room. His bed seemed to take up all of the available space even though it was edged right into one corner. Someone had placed a sheet over him but he was pushing against it restlessly in his sleep. She froze. She just needed to stay here until he woke up so they could synchronise their stories, but it didn't seem right not to do something to help him while she was there. She leaned forward to sniff out the reason for his distress. Maybe he had night terrors. She remembered that when they were kids he had been scared of clowns. It would be pretty funny if he still was.

One breath in told her _exactly_ what the problem was. Vampire stench. Dr Fang had been all over Jacob. No wonder he couldn't sleep. She found a clean cloth in the kitchen and filled a bowl full of hot soapy water. She perched at the side of Jacob's bed. There was no easy way to do this and she had seen Jacob naked plenty of times before, but it seemed different with him lying in his bedroom. She pulled the sheet down to his hips and started with his chest, trying to avoid the lacerations. She wanted to scrub hard so that the filthy scent could be eradicated, but she knew he needed to sleep so she settled for lightly washing each surface at least three times. She reasoned that it would be better than nothing. Jacob's muscles tensed a little as she moved. Crap. Forget six pack, Jacob had a ten-pack. It really was a miracle that some outsider hadn't noticed how unnatural it was to have nine incredible hulks running around the Quileute reservation. She moved on to the arm closest to her, which was the width of a tree trunk. Jacob let out a small sigh as she swept the cloth back and forth. The other arm was tricky because it was closest to the wall. She didn't want to yank at it because it was attached to his dislocated shoulder, so she found herself straddling his torso so she could reach. She was ghosting the cloth down his forearm when his eyes snapped open. She stopped immediately. She was trying to do him a favour, but in her wearied state she didn't know how she was going to explain. She sat silently, meeting his gaze until his eyelids fluttered and he turned his head. When he started to snore a moment later, she let out a long breath that she didn't even realise she'd been holding.

She decided that there was nothing she could do about his back. He was too big to move and she was too tired to try. Even if she wasn't, it would have involved rolling his bad shoulder. She moved the sheet around again so that it covered his chest and groin but left his legs exposed. She felt grateful that Dr Fang had definitely not touched Jacob's cock. No way was she washing that. Hell, even if the sparkly ones had mauled him there, she wasn't touching it with a ten foot pole. Still, the intimacy of rubbing a cloth all over his thighs was not lost on her. She briefly pondered giving up altogether, but she could feel how much easier Jacob was sleeping since she had started to bathe him. She could do this for him... so she would. She realised, much to her chagrin that Jacob probably did things like this for his father all the time.

She was washing his calf when she heard Billy's wheelchair come to a standstill outside the open door. She had been so focussed on the task at hand she hadn't even heard him get out of bed. Billy cocked his head, watching as Leah held on to Jacob's leg.

"Vamp stench" she whispered.

Billy paused for a moment before nodding his head once in understanding and continued down the hall. She could hear him moving into the front of the house. Leah straightened the sheets around Jacob when she finished and returned to the kitchen to rinse the cloth and bowl.

"You're a good friend to Jacob, Leah," Billy said.

"We're not friends," she retorted automatically. _She didn't have any friends anymore._

Billy regarded her in silence. Leah wondered how Jacob could be so talkative when Billy was anything but. Leah lasted all of ten seconds before she felt compelled to say something to fill the void.

"He's pack. I wasn't going to watch him suffer."

Billy gave her a sad smile. "Your father would be so proud, honey".

She turned away from him so he wouldn't see her face. Her father would be horrified if he'd known what she'd nearly done tonight. More than that, he'd be disappointed. He'd always told her how proud he was of her _strength_.

"I miss him," she whispered.

"Me too, Leah, me too."

She kept her back to him until he bid her goodnight again. Only when he was gone did she collapse into the couch in the little sitting room that seemed far too small for Jacob and Billy Black. For the second time that day, she cried until her eyes were sore.


	3. Black Friday

**AN: Thanks to all those who have reviewed to date. If you are reading but haven't reviewed, please do take the time to let me know if you're enjoying my story. This is my first fanfiction and the feedback is a huge motivator. As an added incentive, I respond to all reviews (assuming you are logged in with PM's enabled) and provide spoilers where possible.**

**OK. This chapter is dialogue heavy - but Jacob's got a lot of catching up to do, right?**

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**3. Black Friday**

Jacob Black was not a morning person. He'd always enjoyed a good sleep in, but ever since he became a wolf, he'd found it exceptionally hard to convince himself to get out of bed. Mostly because he spent half his nights running around the Olympic Peninsula on four paws and partly because he was _still_ growing and that was an exhausting process.

That morning, when he first heard somebody pulling his curtains open and stomping around in his room, his reaction was to pull his sheet above his head and groan.

"Five more minutes, Dad," he called, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He heard a snort. Slowly, slowly, his head began to clear and he realised some important things.

Billy's wheelchair didn't fit in his room.

Billy never stomped.

The snort came from a decidedly _female_ sounding source.

He was naked, wearing a neck brace and his back hurt like hell.

He tentatively pulled back the sheet from his face and found himself staring right at a demented looking Leah Clearwater.

"Wakey wakey Jakey Jakey," she hissed.

She looked _awful_. There were dark circles around her puffy bloodshot eyes and he could see that her right shoulder was sporting a large purple bruise.

Then it all came flooding back. "Bell-"

She covered his mouth to strangle his cry. "Shut up," she snapped. She sat down on the bed next to him and lowered her voice to a whisper. "It wasn't her. It _wasn't_. Remember? Wrong face, wrong clothes. Plus, after the attack, we took you to Dr Fang and friends and they had no idea who was in the woods. Just a nomad. Edward and Bella are still bumping uglies on their honeymoon and we are here and _totally fucked._"

Jacob began to shake, muscles rippling underneath his skin.

"You can't phase Jake! The leech cracked your back and it's gonna take a few days to heal. Count to a hundred or something. When you get there nod if you're ready to have a _quiet_ discussion – Billy's in the kitchen – and I'll move my hand okay?"

Jake began to count but he soon found himself distracted by his memories of what had happened the night before. Leah had gone mental and tried to kill herself. He recalled getting to her before that had happened. Then – his chest tightened just thinking about it – he'd thought that Bella was back and he'd totally lost his shit. _Leah_ had got there in time and killed the leach. By the look of her she'd paid dearly for it. He couldn't remember anything after the forest. It was probably for the best. He didn't exactly have any fond memories of his previous interactions with the Cullens. He looked at Leah and bobbed his head up and down.

She stared at him long and hard and gradually eased her palm away from his lips.

"Leah, I am so, so sorry." He gasped as he reached his hands out to the ugly splodge underneath the strap of her tank top.

"Least of my worries, Black," she replied, batting his hand away. "I'm more concerned about making sure that no one ever finds out about either of our bouts of temporary insanity."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Just overnight. You snore so loudly. They can probably hear you from Forks."

"I do?" Jacob asked full of confusion. Had Leah been at his house all night?

She eyed him carefully. "What do you remember?"

"Everything up until I passed out in the forest." Jacob noticed a strange look on Leah's face. Relief? Maybe the visit to the Cullens had been an ordeal. "Thanks for saving me," he added.

"Whatever. I told the pack that we took her out together. It wouldn't have made sense saying that I took her out myself. They would have wanted details of how that happened and I figure you don't want anyone to know about your Bella-mania just as much as I don't want anyone to know about my shit."

Jacob looked at Leah warily. She was talking really fast and he felt like he needed a coffee and some painkillers before they got into this. "I don't know Leah, maybe we _should_ tell them. I think we need professional help. Both of us." Jacob was beginning to see just how dangerous his feelings for Bella Swan were. Originally they had primarily affected his own wellbeing, but now they were affecting his ability to be a good wolf, to be a protector. He'd accepted that Edward Cullen had won the battle for Bella (it still hurt like hell but he knew that ship had sailed), he'd accepted that had pretty much flunked out of school because of wolf duties, but if he failed at being a wolf? Then he really had _nothing_. He was prepared to tell the pack the truth about what had happened last night if it meant they could do something to stop it from happening again.

"Sure Black." Leah seethed in response. "How many psychiatrists do you know in the area who can help with depression and anxiety caused by supernatural stressors? I _tried _to speak to a counsellor months ago. Turns out they can't help you much if you can't tell them the whole story. She asked me to make a list of all the things upsetting me, and I couldn't write a _damn thing_!"

Jacob could feel the frustration rolling off Leah. Her deep frown lines aged her face and her hands were clutching at the hair above her ears as if she might pull out chunks of it at any moment. More than that, he could feel just how much she resented him knowing that she'd gone to see a counsellor. Jacob had picked up a few things over the past week. It was hard not to when he spent ten hours a day stuck inside Leah's head. It was important to her to be seen as strong. In her book, she had given him ammunition that he could later use to refute that image. He squished his raging feelings of shame and self loathing – he'd deal with his own problems privately – and took his time to phrase a response.

"Shit, you're brave Leah."

Leah's mouth fell open in surprise. "What?"

"I've been feeling crap for ages, and my response was to run away for weeks. What you did - trying to find away to keep going - that takes guts." Leah was stunned. She gaped at him and then flopped back onto the bed head.

"I totally failed at keeping going last night though." Leah looked at Jacob miserably. "My dad would be so ashamed of me. Everyone we know would."

Jacob smirked, realising that he could get her on this one. "I'm a hundred percent sure you're wrong".

She paused again, lost for words. Even with the pain in his neck and the desperate need for caffeine, Jacob was enjoying confusing Leah.

"And how, pray tell, can you be so sure?" She asked haughtily.

"Because I've known Harry since I was born and I screwed up heaps of times around him and he still loved me plenty." Leah looked at Jacob sceptically. "Remember when you used to play with Rachel and Rebecca?" She nodded. "Usually I'd be left with Seth. The things I did to that kid...stole his toys, boxed him in the ears, told him the truth about Santa... but the thing is, not too long after, I'd confess to Harry or Billy – whoever was chaperoning - and when it was Harry you know what he said? He said that _everyone_ makes mistakes. The important thing was to learn from it and not do it again. So there, Clearwater! I'm pretty sure that if he could make allowances for me, he could make them for his little girl who he loved more than anything else in the world!"

A tiny tear slipped from the edge of Leah's eye but she was smiling. Jacob almost forgot to breathe. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Leah really smile. Not since before Sam had broken up with her. It was an ear to ear toothy grin that lit up her eyes and gave her dimples.

"So," Jacob went on, realising the value of getting in while the going was good, "no more purposefully tying to get hurt, because that would be making the same mistake?"

"No more", Leah agreed. "I worked that out last night... I still don't want anyone to know though."

"Shit Leah, I'm not as good at controlling my thoughts as you are. I don't even know if I can." It was a source of much regret for him. He was usually an open book and that gave the rest of the pack no shortage of opportunities to mock him. Mostly for thoughts about Bella. The fact that he wanted her, even when she stank of leeches, and the myriad of ways in which he wanted her – he was a teenage boy after all – was a constant source of amusement to Paul and Jared.

Leah arched up. "You listen to me Jacob Black. You _owe_ me. I fucking saved your life and your dignity and _you are going to do this_. I found this-" she waved a book that appeared to be about meditation, "in your sitting room, and it has a whole chapter on clearing your thoughts while running. You've got five days of non-phasing to figure it out. _Do it_ or I'll cut your balls off while you sleep."

Jacob didn't doubt that Leah meant every word. She was one of the most violent pack members and usually gave both Colin and Brady broken bones at least once a week. To be fair, this was generally because they were thinking about her naked, or worse, thinking about things they'd like to do to her naked. The wolf inside him whined at having a weaker pack mate threaten him. Jacob the person was a naturally agreeable sort, but the wolf was dominant and keen to address any challenge. He knew that he would hear Leah before she reached his front door and that she was no match for him physically. At six-foot-seven he was the biggest guy in the pack. Both Sam and Embry were around six-five, but neither of them were as broad as he was. Leah was strong and _fast_ but he was the strongest and the best. His wolf wanted him to tell her this and nip at her for her insolence... but... _he did owe her_, so maybe he could read the book and ignore her ridiculous threat.

"Two conditions," he decided, letting the man trump the wolf (if he was honest with himself, suppressing his wolf had become something of a habit lately). "First, you do it with me. If I have to learn meditation, then so do you." Jacob figured it wouldn't hurt Leah to learn how to calm her thoughts, and really, if he was going to be chanting and burning sage, he would never hear the end of it unless she was equally involved.

"I don't need to," Leah huffed.

"It's a deal breaker, Leah. Besides, if you help then I'll be better at it, which means things will go better for you."

"Okay," she agreed. Leah Clearwater was stubborn, but not stupid. She would always choose the path that served her best. "What's the second condition?"

Jacob paused. This was the one that he knew was the most important. As soon as she had mentioned her unfruitful attempts to get help, he'd been thinking in the back of his head that she didn't really talk to anyone. She yelled at plenty of people, but there was no one she turned to. Ever. At least he had Embry and Quil. Leah had lost her boyfriend, best friend and father and even if at one stage she had other people to talk to, the pack secret meant that they were just as useless as the counsellor.

"You write that list of all the things that are upsetting you and you talk to _someone_ about it. Maybe Seth or your Mom or Embry – Embry's good with that stuff." _And it doesn't hurt that he likes you_, Jacob added in his mind. It was perfect really. Embry wanted Leah and Leah needed somebody like Embry to listen to and care for her. Jacob was mentally giving himself a high five when Leah started chewing him out. _Again_.

"Fuck you, Black," she yelled, before realising her mistake and lowering her voice to a furious whisper. "Seeing as you're having hallucinations in the forest, I'd say that Call doesn't have a promising future as a shrink. On top of that, I don't want any of those people to know what I'm thinking. That's the _whole point_!" Leah had jumped up and was pacing back and forth at the foot of his bed. Now that he could see her standing, he noticed the huge blue bruise along her stomach – the singlet ended somewhere in Leah's mid section - and a trail of bruises all down the same side where he'd seen the splodge. He thought about how he's knocked Leah out of the way of the vampire last night and realised that the marks down her side were most likely from him. Worse than that, the bruise on her stomach - the one that looked so disgusting and painful - was because she had rescued him. He felt sick.

Maybe it was the guilt, maybe it was because he knew how serious the situation was, or maybe it was because he still hadn't had breakfast or a coffee and everything was getting much too hard – whatever the reason- he found himself saying, "Just show it to me then... the list... talk to me about it. You sort of already did anyway."

Leah paused and stared at him, an all over look that cut to his bones and made him nervous. He didn't know why but his palms were sweaty.

"You," she said.

Jacob nodded, wondering if she was going to hit him. He didn't feel quite up to a throw-down, but there was no way his wolf would overlook a direct hit on top of her earlier threat. She stood there in silence for what seemed like an age. Jacob monitored the passing of time by the increasingly loud growls from his belly.

"Okay," she finally said. She flopped herself face first on to the bed. "I really am too tired to care. Let's just shake on it so I can pass out." They shared an awkward side handshake where Leah did her best to break his fingers. Leah closed her eyes and her face drooped with drowsiness.

Jacob was relieved to find that his floor filing system meant there was a pair of sweats that he could grab off the carpet and shimmy into under his sheet. Leah had seen him naked plenty of times but he wasn't about to prance around undressed in his bedroom if she was there. He was halfway across his room when she called out to him.

"Jake?" She mumbled.

"Yeah?"

"We'll talk about your cowardly idiocy later okay? Sometime when I don't have to be quiet."

Jacob rolled his eyes. He should have realised that Leah would have plenty to say about his meltdown. If he'd been thinking clearly then he could have added a third condition: no bitching Jacob out. She was too clever for him by half.

"At least you know now... how you'd react. No fighting." She added groggily.

Jacob, couldn't work out what Leah was talking about. He swivelled to sit back down and ask her but she was already fast asleep.

Jacob moved towards the kitchen, discovering that it was actually much harder to be upright than he imagined. When he was in bed with the pillows fluffed behind him he could manage the aching sensation in his back. Somehow being vertical magnified the throbbing. Billy greeted him with a fresh mug of coffee and inclined his head towards the sitting room. Jacob saw that his father had placed a loaf of bread and a series of spreads on the coffee table.

"Better get started before the pack starts arriving," Billy said knowingly.

Jacob hurried over to the lounge, but soon discovered that he couldn't sit on the sofa because it wasn't large enough to support his back and neck. He moved around restlessly until he decided to sit on the floor with his back flush against the sofa's armrest. It was tall enough that he could sit his entire upper body against it. By this point, he was nearly fainting with hunger and he downed his cup of coffee in one gulp before raiding the bread. Billy placed the coffee pot on the little table so that Jacob could pour himself a refill and moved his wheelchair so that he was across from him. Jacob was three quarters of the way through the loaf before Billy spoke.

"I'm glad you're okay son," he said softly. Jacob lifted his eyes to Billy's. He thought briefly about telling his father just how _not okay_ he really was, but he remembered his promise to Leah and worked his hardest to keep his face blank. He grabbed another piece of bread and stuck the entire thing in his mouth. He couldn't talk if it was full and it suited him just fine to eat more.

"Where's Leah?"

"Sleeping... Out like a light within moments of me waking up," Jacob stated through a chunk of sourdough. Food always tasted better after near-death experiences.

"I'm not surprised," Billy replied. "She got beat up pretty bad and then she spent the whole night looking after you". Jacob raised his eyebrows at his father. He'd already worked out that Leah had stuck around after the attack, but he was pretty sure that it was so she could muzzle him if he leaked any details of their vampire encounter that she didn't want shared. "She gave you a sponge bath," Billy added. "To remove the smell of vampires."

Jacob's mouth fell open and a chunk of half chewed bread and butter spilled out onto the carpet. _Leah Clearwater gave him a sponge bath?_ He didn't know what to do with that piece of information. Other than Seth, Leah didn't seem to care much about people's comfort levels. In fact she seemed to really enjoy making everyone feel uncomfortable as often as possible. Since when had she started moonlighting as Florence Nightingale? He looked down to the lump of food on the floor and scooped it up and put it back in his mouth. He had always had a liberal take on the 'seven second' rule and this had only been exacerbated by his recent stint in the wilds of Canada where he'd eaten raw game for weeks.

"I guess I owe her," he said to his father, gulping heavily as he swallowed the last of the bread. Why hadn't Leah mentioned bathing him when she herself had listed all the reasons he was in her debt? His stomach clenched into a knot. Surely he hadn't done something that she wanted to save for the yelling session she had scheduled for later? He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. What if he had... he couldn't even think it. _You can't help what your body does when you sleep_, he tried to tell himself, knowing full well that if he'd gotten a boner, Leah would _never ever_ let him forget it.

"She's a good girl." Billy agreed, oblivious to Jacob's embarrassment. Somehow the words cut through Jacob's rising panic and reminded him of the unsettling revelation Leah had made to him on the cliffs.

"Did you know Sam Alpha Ordered Leah to be maid of honour at his wedding?" Jacob asked. It made him angry just thinking about it. It was such an abuse of power.

A flash of surprise danced across Billy's face. "No I didn't know that," he replied evenly.

"Someone should do something," Jacob added expectantly. His father was the chief of the tribe, if anyone could get Sam to pull his head in, it was him.

"Someone should," Billy replied conversationally. Jacob scowled. He knew that tone of voice. His father wasn't planning on doing anything.

"Shouldn't the Council make sure they intervene to prevent the Alpha going rogue?" Jacob demanded.

"What would the remedy be, and more importantly how would it be enforced?" Billy asked.

Jacob finished the remaining coffee in the pot while he pondered Billy's words. His father almost always spoke in riddles these days. At least he spoke the riddles directly to him rather than through him. He still hadn't quite forgiven Billy for sending him to Bella's junior prom with a veiled warning about dating Cullen. The whole defunct Council had sat around doing whatever it was that they did, all the while missing precious opportunities to claw off the bloodsuckers arms when he least expected it.

When Jacob thought about it seriously, the Council was responsible for a lot of the problems experienced by the pack. It was the Council that had come to the conclusion that new wolves shouldn't be told about the shifter gene before they phased. That had led to almost every pack member having a terrifying first experience as a wolf, followed closely by a need to lie to some, if not all, of the most important people in their life. It was bad enough being a teenage supernatural being, let alone being isolated in the process. Half the reservation thought they were in a gang and pushing drugs. Jacob couldn't blame them. With their ripped physiques and volatile tempers they were the poster boys for roid-rage. The parents of pack members that weren't in the know shared these beliefs. Embry was perpetually grounded. Sam's mother hadn't spoken to him in months. Leah had suffered the worst though. She hadn't known why Sam had treated her so badly and been so unreliable and aggressive in the last few months of their relationship or why he was desperately in love with her cousin after a chance encounter. Then she'd had to go through the same phasing bullshit as all the others. The protective feeling that he'd experienced on the cliffs the evening before began to swell again and he suppressed the urge to growl.

Jacob had a deeply rooted sense of fairness and justice. Some things were right and others were just plain wrong. It was that certainty that allowed him to be so adamant that he was the superior choice for Bella. He was alive and made her feel happy. That was infinitely better than undead and mysterious, no matter how rich and romantic Cullen might have been. The same instinct told him that Leah had been given a raw deal. No amount of spirit magic could excuse the punishment being inflicted on her. His outrage was magnified by Billy's laconic responses. Surely helping Leah warranted a little more consideration? At sixteen he expected his father to be able to help him counter the vicissitudes of life. It was a startling thought that he might not want or be able to.

Jacob was still stewing, his wolf restless and angry, when the pack began to filter in. Something about catastrophe made them all feel a need to reconnect. Paul and Rachel arrived first, each reeking of the other. It still annoyed Jacob to see Paul with his hands all over his sister, but at least they brought food. Paul was strangely subdued for most of the visit, particularly when Billy mentioned Leah's terrible bruising.

It was only after Paul had left to join Sam on patrol that Rachel explained that Paul was feeling guilty about trying to prevent Leah from going with him to Dr Fang.

Jacob snarled, "Seriously? If Leah wants to see a doctor she should get to see a freaking doctor. Why does Paul have to rouse on her for everything?"

"He knows, Jake. He spent hours last night telling me that he was no better than his father." Jacob frowned. Paul was the member of the pack that was best able to hide his thoughts. Like Leah, he used a background of vicious anger to mute himself. No one tried to see past it, they knew enough from small town gossip to have an idea of what he was hiding. Still, every now and then he'd focus on a specific memory and the pack would catch a snippet of his ugly past. Jacob had once heard Paul thinking of a time when his father had beaten his mother so badly she was unable to walk for days. She hadn't got any medical attention and it was a miracle that she survived. Jacob had an inkling that Paul had forgotten that Leah was a more breakable than the rest of the pack. She was generally so fearsome that it was hard to think about her as someone who _could _get hurt. He understood exactly how Paul would have reacted, and unlike Paul he also knew that Leah had her own reasons for wanting to stay with him last night. Still, it bothered him that she'd had to fight for something as simple as medical care.

"Rach, go into my room and look at Leah's stomach," he ordered. Rachel looked at him uncertainly. "Do it Rachel." He watched as she eased herself off the couch and disappeared down the hall. His supernatural senses allowed him to hear the moment she entered his room, to hear her heart rate elevate when she took in Leah's injured form and scent the tears that were slipping down Rachel's cheeks before they had even fallen. He didn't make eye contact when she returned. "You go home and wait for Paul and you tell him what you saw. Remember that with werewolf healing, it's a hundred times better now that what Paul saw. You tell him_ exactly _what he thought was so trivial that Leah should have to suffer alone and unaided. Ask him whether he would have offered medical help if you were in that shape.. .and before you go to sleep, remind him that Leah was one of your _best friends_ growing up and that hurting her hurts _you_."

It was only after the front door slammed shut that Billy admonished him. "Was that really necessary son?"

"Yes," Jacob replied, unperturbed. He knew exactly what sort of punishment worked on Paul and it wasn't threats or violence. He'd grown immune to that as a child.

Jared and Kim arrived before they could discuss the matter any further and they were followed closely by Colin and Brady. Everybody wanted to hear the story of how Jake and Leah had taken down a vampire. Jacob's head swum under the weight of Leah's fabricated story. It only served to remind him just how pathetic he had become and just how much he owed the wounded girl lying in his bed. Luckily, Jacob's monosyllabic answers made everyone think that he was too unwell for an extended visit. After a series of fist bumps and awkward hugs the group was on their way.

It was almost lunchtime when Embry, Seth and Quil came bounding through the door. Jacob couldn't help but feel they had timed their visit that way on purpose.

"Dude, we would have been here earlier, but we know you're not an early riser," Embry stated, as if reading his thoughts.

Seth had ignored all of them, making a beeline for his sister. Jacob smiled. He felt glad that Leah had Seth in her life. Out of the whole pack he was the most pure of heart. He didn't have a mean bone in him.

_If only that were enough_, a voice inside his head protested.

"She's dead to the world." Seth muttered when he rejoined them in the sitting room. Quil was ordering pizza and Embry was flicking through the Black household movie collection.

"I thought about sending her home when I woke up but she looked after me all night and I figured it was best to let her crash," Jacob replied apologetically.

"You did the right thing," Seth responded. Unlike Quil and Embry, both of whom had widened their eyes when he'd mentioned Leah taking care of him, Seth didn't seem the least bit surprised. Jacob couldn't help but wonder what Leah was like when she was alone with her brother. Something told him that Seth saw a whole different Leah, one the rest of the pack didn't know existed. "It's not a good idea to have her wandering back from your place at dawn...not with all the rumours going around," Seth continued.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob asked. He'd been gone for a while and even when he was around he wasn't usually one to keep up with rez gossip. He noticed that both Seth and Embry were trembling a little.

Seth inhaled sharply and tried to steady himself. "Well, think about it. Leah and Sam broke up and not long after he starts dating Emily. Then, Leah starts popping up with all of Sam's friends. Usually the guys are shirtless. Time and time again she's spotted with one or two of them emerging with her from the woods, covered in dirt..."

Seth stopped talking. Jacob felt bile in his throat. He knew where Seth was going but he didn't want to connect the dots.

It was Embry who finished Seth's sentence. "Half the rez thinks that Leah is sleeping with all of us as revenge for being dumped by Sam. The other half thinks that her sleeping with all of us is the reason he broke up with her."

Jacob's chest tightened. _Was there no end to how much the universe was going to make this girl suffer?_

Seth waited until after they had eaten pizza and Embry and Quil had played several loud and angry games of Halo to carry a sleeping Leah home. Jacob said goodbye to all four of them at the door although he noticed that Seth walked separately from them, even though they were all headed in the same direction. Now that he knew what was being said about Leah, he understood why.

"When are you expecting Sam and Emily?" Billy asked carefully.

"Emily's at Neah Bay with the rest of her family. Bad luck to see the groom the night before. Sam's doing a double patrol so I'm sure he'll be here not long after ten." Jacob knew his own restlessness was affecting his father, but the wolf inside him was upset. Everything he knew yesterday about what Leah had endured had been enough of a reason for Leah to be at breaking point, but it seemed that he only knew a fraction of what was going on.

Sam Uley had some questions to answer and Jacob was on high alert, ready to ask them.

He washed and tried to nap for a while. It was only early evening, but his room smelled disconcertingly of Leah and that only seemed to rile up his righteous indignation. Eventually his clock ticked over to ten and he slipped into the sitting room. He leaned up against the far wall facing the door. He wanted to be at his full height, but he was still finding standing for any period of time to be difficult. The neck brace was itchy and even though Sue had put it on him he hated it in principle because it came from the Cullens.

He hadn't thought to turn the light on. He didn't need it. He stood there in the dark, listening as a light rain began to fall. It always rained on the Olympic Peninsula and these days it matched his moods.

He felt the exact moment Sam arrived in the front yard. Lupine instinct told him that his alpha was here, just as Sam knew that Jacob was waiting for him. Neither wolf felt the presence of a third pack mate within hearing distance at the tree line in the Black's backyard.

"Sam," Jacob stated. It was neither an invitation nor a greeting but it was enough for Sam to enter the house. Sam stood, shirtless in ripped denim shorts silhouetted by the open doorway.

"Jacob," Sam replied. Jacob watched as Sam assessed him with confusion. He had come for a social call after all, but he was not a fool and he could feel Jacob's anger, a palpable craze that radiated from him and reached out to lash Sam in the doorway. "Are you well?" He asked.

"As well as can be expected." Jacob replied. His words were clipped and short. Sam met his piercing gaze.

"Excellent. So I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow?" Sam decided to ignore Jacob's aggression.

"Are you going to alpha order me if I tell you that you won't?" Jacob asked venomously.

Sam paused, surprised that Jacob knew about the order. "Leah was being difficult Jacob. It was regrettable but necessary. She can't just leave Emily in the lurch. I checked with Sue, she'll be well enough to come tomorrow – her bruises are already disappearing."

Jacob was incensed. "I'm not worried about the bruises you can see, Sam. I'm worried about you pushing somebody who is already teetering on the edge of sanity past their fucking limits."

Sam glared at Jacob. "Let me tell you what I'm worried about then. I'm worried about the fact that I'm marrying _my imprint_ tomorrow and that because my mother isn't speaking to me, no one from my family will be there to welcome her! I'm worried about the fact that instead of having the perfect wedding photos Emily always dreamed of, the scars _my wolf_ gave her will be there and when we put a picture on our mantelpiece she'll have to look at it and remember _every day_. She's given up her life, her family and college to move here with me and she takes care of the entire pack – even though she really should hate us all. Leah made her a promise ten years ago, and if her keeping it is what it takes to make Emily feel good tomorrow then I'll do _whatever it takes_ to make her do it. You'd do the same if you were in my shoes." Sam was trying to keep his voice even but it was impossible not to hear the passion and despair behind his words.

"The hell I would," Jacob fumed, his face twisted in feral fury. "You just weighed up everyone's problems and decided Leah's were the ones you could disregard? Come on Sam, whatever promises they made as kids mean nothing after everything that's happened! You really gonna make your ex stand there while you vow to love and honour Emily til death do you part? Have a heart, you wouldn't do this to your worst enemy! How can you ask this of the girl you once loved?"

Sam snarled. His dominant personality resented the challenge Jacob was mounting, perhaps all the more so because he _did _love Leah, just not enough to stop him from prioritising Emily. "It's done Jacob, give it a rest. _You_ should be resting."

Jacob dropped his voice to a whisper. He knew he couldn't phase but the tremors in his arms told him that he was treading a fine line. "Just to be clear, I'm telling you that asking this of Leah is hurting her and you're telling me your pack mate's pain doesn't matter?"

"I'm telling you it doesn't change anything," Sam said impassively. He had transformed his face into a hardened mask.

Jacob growled. "Fine, you leave me no choice-", and then he said the words without stopping to ask himself if he meant them, although maybe just saying them at all was a sign enough. "- I want to take my rightful role as wolf pack Alpha."

"What?" Sam shouted. Whatever he had expected Jacob to do, that was not within the realms of the possibilities he had considered.

"You heard me. What do I need to do? Tell the Council? Do a dance? Hand over the keys to the castle, Uley. The way you use alpha orders is bullshit and it ends _now_."

"Sure thing, pup," Sam replied with a smirk. "You wanna do this as wolves or as men?"

"Do what?" Jacob asked suspiciously. Sam's air of superiority made him realise that he was missing something important.

"Fight," Sam responded. "You don't think we have a magical handshake do you? Or you click your heels three times and you become Alpha? There's only one way you can take the pack from me and that's if you can _make me_ submit."

For the first time ever, Jacob actually counted to one hundred to avoid phasing. He said the numbers slowly in his mind, willing himself to calm down.

Sam had him by the short and curlies and there was nothing he could do about it. He was in no condition to fight as either wolf or man. The man could barely stand up unassisted and transitioning to wolf would leave his already exposed neck weak and vulnerable. He couldn't beat Sam tonight.

And tonight was all that he had if he wanted to actually help Leah.

"That's what I thought," Sam retorted smugly. "See you tomorrow Jake." The Alpha spun on his heel buoyant from his victory. He had gotten used to being in charge and he was confident that Jacob would go back to his usual shirking of responsibility once the wedding was over.

"Sam," Jacob called, before he could leave. "_When_ I take my rightful place, I'll fight you as a man, not a wolf... and I'm going to remember. I'm going to remember exactly how little mercy you showed a fellow pack mate who was hurting."

Jacob's wolf delighted in the look of fear that flashed across Sam's face as he slammed the front door closed behind him.


	4. Something Borrowed, Something Blue

**4. ****Something Borrowed, Something Blue**

While dressing herself on the morning of Sam's wedding to Emily, Leah indulged in a particularly masochistic pastime of hers: remembering the first time that Sam had asked _her_ to marry him. It had happened when she was a few months shy of her seventeenth birthday and they had gone to Port Angeles for the day. They'd watched a large wedding party crowded into a picturesque rotunda in a lush green park from their vantage point in the outdoor seating area of a nearby McDonalds.

"When we get married LeeLee," Sam had said, his dark eyes full of passion, "we should have the ceremony at First Beach."

"What makes you so sure I'd marry you Sammy?" She had teased. "I'm a high school junior and we've only been dating a year... you never know how persuasive I might find that lesbian phase I'm bound to experience at college," she added, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Sam being Sam had laughed at the joke before falling to one knee in the dingy fast food outlet. "I'll have to be _more_ persuasive," he said.

"Get off the floor!" She reprimanded him, looking around to make sure no one was watching.

"Say you'll marry me and I will."

"Sam!" She scolded him, but it only served to convince him to sink to both knees.

"Please LeeLee? I'll love you much better than the college lesbians – you know I'll _always_ love you - and if you cook for me and I get fat I might even get breasts!" He puffed out his lower lip.

"Oh, alright!" She huffed in mock annoyance. In truth she was touched, and he knew it. "It always rains at First Beach though. Nine times out of ten!"

"Not on our wedding day," Sam had replied, full of confidence, "the sun always shines on us."

She had kissed him then with everything she had. The sort of kiss that left her lips swollen and every one of her limbs feeling like jelly. Leah was a hopeless romantic and she thought Sam's (sort of) proposal was perfect. He didn't have a ring or anything, but his impromptu declaration was far more meaningful to her than anything planned or fancy. She had called Emily as soon as she got home and they had gushed for hours about how perfect Sam was, how he and Leah were the perfect couple and how amazing their wedding at First Beach would be.

Leah had loved Sam with her whole heart ever since he had first kissed her behind the bleachers at school in her sophomore year. He was funny, tall, liked her sarcastic sense of humour and made her feel like she could do anything. He was a bit gruff in front of his friends, but on his own he was a marshmallow and he was _hers_. She fell for him with the sort of wild abandon that can only be achieved once in a lifetime and she _kept falling_. Day to day, month to month, year to year she discovered that it was only possible to love him more. Somewhere deeply rooted in her soul was a firm conviction that Sam was the person, the one and only person, that she was meant to spend the rest of her life with.

When Sam disappeared in their senior year, she was out of her mind with worry. After a week his mother, Alison, told Leah that it was 'hereditary'. Joshua Uley had gone out on drinking binges and disappeared too. Leah told Alison she was wrong. Her Sammy would come back. He proved her right two weeks later, but when he returned he wouldn't say what had happened. He told her that he _couldn't_. He was distant and angry all the time. He would stay out all night and return at odd hours of the morning. Some days he was covered in dirt and bruises. Leah dug her heels in and resolved to love him better. She wasn't giving up on him because he was _it_ for her. Some days he was the old Sammy and she would hope that they were through the worst of it, other days he would tell her that they should end things because he was bad and had nothing to give her. On those days she would throw her arms around him and tell him that it was okay. She could do the giving for both of them.

Because she had so much love to give.

Leah Clearwater's heart was boundless. She didn't stop loving Sam when people started saying he was doing drugs or in a gang with Paul Lahote and Jared Cameron. She didn't stop loving him when he gave up on their college dreams and told her he was going to stay and work on the rez. She didn't stop loving him even when he told her that it was over and that he had met someone else. She still loved him, body mind and soul - even when she found out that his new lover was her cousin and best friend. She was stubborn and they were young. She was hurt, but she was prepared to wait.

Then one fateful day earlier in the year, she had told her brother just how devastated she was. Just how hard it was to have so much affection that she wanted to give to Sam in circumstances where he no longer wanted it. She had cried and screamed and, as the awfulness of the situation washed over her, she and Seth exploded out of their skin and into another form that they would be cursed to carry for a lifetime. Longer maybe. They'd found themselves suddenly sharing their thoughts with six other people, one of whom was Sam.

She'd seen then just how much he loved Emily. She could see his memories and hopes for the future. She could see just how small everything Sam had shared with her was in comparison. The years of adoration and planning didn't hold a candle to the wolf magic linking Sam to his beloved imprint. A part of his mind was always thinking of her. Was she safe? Was she happy? Other times he thought of their carnal activities. Leah saw memories of Emily writhing in ecstasy underneath Sam. She saw his fantasies of impregnating her and growing old with their family. She saw him imagining things with Emily that since phasing she had learned she would never be able to give. Her body no longer worked the way a woman's body should. Maybe that was why no one imprinted on her and why she had become a shape shifter in the first place. Leah saw it all and then did what she could to find a home for all the emotion and passion she now knew to be unnecessary and unwanted: she channelled it into hate.

Just like Leah's ability to love, her ability to hate was astounding. It grew at an exponential pace, nurtured by the exposure to things that no woman scorned should ever have to see. Today's wedding was the piece de resistance because Emily's big day was a carbon copy of the image that Sam and Leah had spent years conjuring, right down to the venue, the song that Emily would walk down the aisle to and the colour of the bridesmaids dresses.

_Of course, I wouldn't have picked a cut or material that was quite this ugly_, Leah thought as she slipped on the empire line dress that flared out right underneath her bust. All of the swishy layers of satin and lace fabric pooled to make it look like maternity wear. At least Kim and Emily's friend from the Makah rez, Jade, would be wearing the same thing and neither of them had Leah's supernatural figure. Leah thanked her lucky stars that her mother had insisted that she be given time to rest leading up to the ceremony, otherwise she would have been forced to help Emily get ready. Sam had inadvertently confined his orders to the wedding and Leah knew that if she saw Emily beforehand she wouldn't be able to stop herself from socking her in the jaw. It was bad enough that she was going to have to suffer through the ceremony and reception. Sometimes Leah thought about Emily's scars, and felt a cruel sense of satisfaction. It was divine justice. Then she remembered that the scars had played a part in binding Emily even tighter to Sam. Sam looked at Emily and he saw sins for which he had to atone.

Her mother and Seth had both given her quizzical looks when Kim had dropped her bridesmaid's dress off. She hadn't wanted to tell them about the Alpha Order. She felt embarrassed and dirty at the thought that her ex boyfriend had the power to make her do something she so desperately wanted to avoid doing. Leah wanted to hold her head high. She didn't want anyone to know that Sam had made her a slave or that she _still _cried when she was able to find a moment alone. _Jacob_ was the only one who knew. It made her want to punch him too.

Leah's mind flitted back to the conversation she had overheard last night. After sleeping all day she'd woken late in the evening feeling surprisingly energetic. She'd done some laundry and chatted to Seth, before realising that she'd left the t-shirt he'd loaned her balled up on Billy Black's bathroom floor. She'd been headed back to retrieve it - and give Jacob the scolding she'd been too tired to deliver earlier - when she'd found herself listening to something quite extraordinary: Jacob Black defending her. More than that, Jacob Black demanding to be Alpha when Sam wouldn't revoke the order that she be a bridesmaid. Naturally, at the very time he decided he would do it, he was too injured to make good on the challenge. Leah's heart had skipped a beat when she realised just how close she had come to freedom. For a moment she felt even worse than she had before she had heard the conversation. She had come home and sat on her bed and cursed them all. By morning it was a different story. She knew she had to do this - it was too late for anything to change now, but she felt just a little bit grateful to Jacob for reminding Sam that she didn't _want_ to be doing this, and if he wasn't such a rat, she wouldn't be.

As if the fates had heard her line of thought, just as she had finished getting ready her mother called out "Leah, Jacob's here, he's coming up to see you." Leah heard Jacob's feet stomping up the stairs. There was an unusual slowness to his gait. He was still struggling to overcome his injury. He barged in moments later. Leah wasn't at all surprised that he didn't bother knocking.

"Leah, Dad and I thought we could drive down to the beach with you, Sue and Se-" Jacob paused midsentence and took in Leah's ridiculous outfit. His mouth hung open and his eyes widened. Then, as if he knew he had been caught out, he stammered to hide his blunder: "Y-yellow suits you Leah."

Leah rolled her eyes. "Jake, all brides make their bridesmaids wear ugly dresses. It's because they want to make sure that they look awesome in comparison."

"Are you sure that Emily isn't just really into scary canaries? You sort of look like the Native American version of big bird."

Leah smirked. "I'll give you fifty bucks if you find a way to say that to Kim in front of Jared. She'll be wearing the same gown."

Jacob paused and Leah could actually feel the wheels turning in his head – him weighing up the enjoyment he could derive from making the comment and what he could buy with an extra fifty dollars versus having a beat-down which would most likely result in all their suits being ruined. Leah found herself raking her eyes over Jacob in a tux. She was so used to seeing all of the pack in shorts or less that it was actually quite shocking to see them suited up. Jacob had a dark green shirt on underneath his jacket. It suited him. It reminded her of the forest they scampered through day in and day out, as if his inner wolf was demanding that he carry a bit of his other life with him while masquerading as a normal human. She wanted to insult him, a penguin-themed jibe was at the tip of her tongue, but the words stuck in her mouth. _It was hard to talk shit to someone who had chewed out Sam on her behalf. _

Jacob sat down at the edge of Leah's unmade bed and patted the spot next to him. Leah didn't really want to sit down and chat but she figured he wanted to tell her about his late night conversation with their Alpha. She gingerly perched next to him and wondered how she would explain that she'd eavesdropped throughout the entire exchange.

"Listen to me," Jacob said, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Today will be awful. I can't deny it. I watched the girl I love at her wedding exactly a week ago. I was there by fucking choice and it still sucked..." Jacob trailed off and Leah again expected him to mention the argument with Sam but he didn't. He turned to her, face full of concern. "The worst will be if you look directly at either of them. Especially when they're looking at each other. You don't want to see that. If you have to be physically there, find a way not to be there in spirit."

"How am I going to get through a wedding without looking at the bride or groom?" Leah could see where Jacob was coming from, but his idea seemed less than practical. It was going to be like a car crash, she wouldn't be able to tear her eyes away.

"I'm going to sit at the second row from the front on the groom's side. Look across to me. If you get sick of looking at my face then look at Seth – he'll be in the very front row or look at Embry. He's going to be an usher and he'll be at the back. Look at us, but whatever you do _don't look at them_." He reached over and tipped her chin so that she met his eyes. "It'll help Leah. Promise me you'll try."

She paused, mulling over his words. "I'll try."

"Good" he gave her a tight lipped smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "Also, listen to the waves on the beach, the sound of seagulls...Quil farting... whatever you can focus on to stop you from hearing what anyone's saying."

Leah raised her eyebrow. "Not being able to look or listen sounds like a distinct way to end up falling over or missing a cue to walk. Is this some stupid plan you cooked up with Cameron and Lahote?" Leah saw the hurt on Jacob's face but she pretended not to notice. She didn't really think that he was spending much time with either Paul or Jared voluntarily (his disgust for imprinted wolves was almost as strong as her own), but Jacob's sudden helpfulness was strange and she felt instinctively distrustful.

"You're a werewolf Leah. You wouldn't fall over even if someone pushed you. Besides, you'll be looking at me - or Seth and Embry - so we'll indicate if you're about to do a face plant or something."

"What did you tell them?" Leah asked suspiciously. If Jake had enlisted a crew of people to emotionally babysit her then he would have had to tell them why.

"Nothing Leah. At least nothing about the Alpha Order. I know you want that kept under wraps." Leah wondered how Jacob knew that. She didn't remember telling him. "Believe it or not Leah there are plenty of people who realise that this is a hard day for you. Even without the wolf stuff."

Leah wasn't sure how to respond. She spent so much time hearing the resentment in Sam, Paul and Jared's head that she sometimes felt like she wasn't allowed to be hurt anymore. They thought she was an unreasonable bitter harpy and they thought it so often that it had become the conventional wisdom.

"My father knows though." Jacob added while standing. "He's not gonna blab." Leah wasn't surprised, Billy knew lots and said little.

"Kids! If we don't leave now we'll be late," Sue hollered.

They made their way down the stairs, and Leah noticed how heavily Jacob was leaning on the banister.

"Still hurting?" She asked.

"The bones are healing but for some reason all the muscles in my back feel really tense." Jacob replied. "I rang Dr Fang and he said it's pretty standard for back injuries. He asked about whether he should come to see us at my place tomorrow. Seeing as I'm not bedridden I'd prefer to go to their place if it's okay with you. That way we don't have to disinfect an entire house from the stench."

"Sure." Leah muttered. Tomorrow seemed like an unlikely prospect at this point. Her whole focus was on surviving the task ahead. Every step she took felt heavier and heavier. Seth held her hand in the car on the driver over to First Beach. Leah felt the sun shining on her face through the window seat. It was one of the most perfect summer days that she had ever seen. Not a cloud in the sky, and a light wind ruffling through the trees to keep them cool.

_The universe is mocking me_, Leah thought. Good weather was so rare in these parts, but somehow Sam and Emily had it for their wedding. It would no doubt reinforce their fervent belief that they were star crossed lovers, chosen for each other by the spirits.

Kim bounded over to the car before Sue had even finished parking and was tugging at Leah's hand. "Hey Lee, how great are the dresses? Doesn't everything look amazing?"

Leah swept her eyes over the six rows of white fold out chairs that had been set out on the beach with a small red-carpeted aisle in between them. At the end of the aisle was a makeshift floral arbour. Sam, Jared and Paul were already standing at the front waiting for Emily's big entrance. _Everything looked beautiful. Simple but elegant. Just like she had always imagined it would._

She forgot everything that Jacob had told her and found herself staring adoringly at Sam. He always did scrub up well, but today he was something else. He had a fitted black suit that contoured his broad frame and a crisp white shirt underneath with a small red rose pinned to his lapel. His eyes were shining and he was smiling the eager and child-like smile that he had given her that day in that McDonalds oh so long ago - but he was staring right past her, eyes focussed on the small white tent that had been pitched off to the side to house the bridal party while they waited for guests to arrive.

Leah felt a physical pain in her chest, a sharp stab that curled around and twisted right down to her defunct womb until a sheet of green fabric clouded her view.

"Eyes on me chica, don't forget..." Jacob murmured softly so that Kim wouldn't be able to hear.

"Why are you helping me?" Leah said into his shirt.

"Lots of reasons." Jacob replied, "but let's just go with 'because I can'".

They stood there for a moment while Leah centred herself. Kim was still talking but Leah had tuned her out.

"Exactly like that," Jacob whispered. "Don't hear them... I have to sit down and you have to go and wait in the tent. I'll see you okay? The second you walk out..."

Leah nodded in assent and watched as Jacob sauntered down the red carpet.

Alone with Kim, she found herself panicking. She might have forgotten to breathe if not for Embry's warm hand on the small of her back guiding her along. "You look beautiful," he whispered in her ear. Leah groaned. There was something seriously wrong with Embry Call, not even a supermodel could pull off this dress. Still, his words brought her back to reality and she stepped into the tent.

"Leah," Emily shrieked, grabbing her in a hug. Leah made the same mistake all over again and looked into Emily's scarred but still impossibly beautiful face. Emily was the closest thing that Leah had ever had to a sister. As children they had been inseparable and shared toys and clothes and shoes. To be honest, there had only ever been one thing that Leah hadn't wanted to share with Emily. Leah's stomach clenched again. A thousand nasty comments skirted through her thoughts but they died on her tongue in the wake of Sam's order to make Emily happy. "I was so worried about you when Sam told me you got hurt," Emily continued.

_Yep. I'm sure my pain has you tied up in knots_, Leah thought. It was unbearable not to speak her mind.

"You ready ladies?" Embry called through the tent flap. Everybody but Leah squealed.

"Kim's going first, then Jade then you and then me" Emily babbled. Here are your flowers, she passed Leah a bouquet of wildflowers. Leah gritted her teeth remembering when she had told Emily that she thought they were much nicer than some of the fancy blooms people used. _At least her dress is her own choice_, she thought looking at the monstrosity Emily was draped in. She looked like a cream puff.

"Have you got all your 'somethings'?" Jade asked Emily.

_Well let's see_, Leah thought. _I'm the old partner, she's the new, she's borrowed my life and I feel blue._ She didn't listen to Emily's actual response. It was bad enough that she couldn't share the one in her head.

The music began and Emily ejected Kim from the tent, followed by Jade. Leah prepared to start walking, but just before she could, Emily leaned in and said "Thank you _so_ much for being my maid of honour, Leah. You're the best friend I could ever ask for."

Leah mentally sent Emily a million bitch slaps, but found herself only managing a tight lipped attempt at a smile in response. It didn't surprise her that Sam hadn't told Emily what he had done, but it hurt that she couldn't even disclose the truth because her Alpha's directive was so broad: _do your best to make her happy_. It was a dangerous phrase for someone like Leah. When she was at her best she was unparalleled in her generosity of spirit and Sam had kept this in mind when formulating the words that made up the order that bound her so tightly now.

Leah made sure to keep her eyes to the ground as she started her walk down the red carpet. She lifted them slowly so that they travelled row by row to the one second from the front, to the huge giant of a man that was waving at her like a lunatic. He had his eyes crossed and his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He didn't quite make her laugh as he no doubt hoped, but his slapstick humour did the trick: the hard lines disappeared from her face.

When she made it to the front she spun quickly around to look at Jacob again. He nodded at her in encouragement and she allowed herself to circle her eyes along the outside of the row of chairs so that she could spot Embry at the back. He winked at her.

To someone not paying attention, Leah would have looked like any other guest turning their attention to the advancing bride, but Leah made sure not to look, not to see this very last strike against her dignity. She almost came undone when Emily reached the top of the aisle because Emily thrust her own bouquet into Leah's hands. The instinct to look up and make eye contact was strong and Leah had to force herself to pretend being busy rearranging the long train of Emily's gown. Leah hoped that Sam's order would not extend to her having to help Emily go to the bathroom.

The celebrant began to speak, welcoming everyone. Leah looked back to Jacob and he tapped at his ear. She bobbed her head to show she understood and began to listen to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore behind them. She inhaled and exhaled in rhythm with the water. She let her eyes dart across to Seth who gave her a thumbs-up.

Her success was short lived.

An irresistible sound cut through the hypnotic thrum of the waves and reached out to Leah. _Sam's voice_. Even with everything that had happened, his honeyed baritone still drew her like a moth to a flame. He was reciting his vows, his hand pressed against the scars on Emily's cheek as he viewed her with infinite tenderness.

The pain in her chest nearly brought Leah to her knees. A heart-shattering chaos of grief pierced her all over as she felt the tremors begin. She was going to fail. She was going to embarrass herself and expose the pack. Her body was going to explode. She was on the cusp of phasing when a demanding coughing and rustling sound distracted her. Jacob Black had pulled out a jumbo sized bag of M&Ms and was throwing large amounts down his throat and apparently choking on them. Without looking, Leah knew that Emily and Sam were glaring at him. Jacob was unfazed and offered a handful of candies to Billy who accepted them and, like Jacob, chewed loudly.

It was just enough to bring Leah back from the edge of madness.

She focussed again, listening to the ocean and glancing between Jacob, Seth and Embry. She thought about the feeling of the sun on her back. The next time she focussed on Jacob he was mouthing something at her. She put all her energy into reading his lips. He seemed to be saying the same thing over and over. By the time she realised that he was mouthing the words to 'Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall', Sam and Emily had been pronounced man and wife and kissed, all without her having to see a second of it.

She had done it.

The bridal party were herded further out towards the shoreline for wedding photos. Leah felt Emily's arm clasping hers as they all squished together and posed. It was getting harder and harder to tune out Emily's chatter and Leah really didn't want Emily touching her right now. _Or Ever_. Not unless she could give Emily matching scars on the other side of her face. That kind of touching would really suit her at this point.

As if he had a sixth sense for impending pandemonium, Jacob Black was gesturing to her behind the photographer. She couldn't work out what he had done until she looked at his neck brace. On top of it he had placed a shiny tag that said "_Fido_" on it.

Leah laughed. A real throaty chuckle that relaxed her face and made her beautiful. It had never occurred to her that Jacob's injury meant that he was wearing a _fucking collar_. It was priceless. If only the photographer had been facing the other direction.

As fate would have it, the photo with Leah laughing was the best of the bunch. Nobody's eyes were closed and everyone was facing the camera man. It was the one that everyone ended up keeping in albums and on their walls. Nobody who looked at that picture could suggest that Leah was bitter or bitchy. The girl in that picture seemed... almost joyous. Leah was always grateful to Jacob for that.

Before Emily could attempt another round of bonding, Seth swept in to hug his cousin. In the flurry, Embry approached Leah and guided her to the tables that had been set up outside for the reception. Jacob was already waiting there.

"You're amazing" he said. "The ceremony and photos are done, now you just need to get through some eating and dancing and you can go home."

"And who doesn't love eating and dancing?" Embry asked.

Leah looked away from them not sure what to say. The day had been too much and she was running on empty and she would _never ever_ be able to pay them back for how much they had helped her.

So she stayed quiet.

They didn't push her to say or do anything. Quil and Claire came and joined them and somebody brought her a plate of food from the buffet. It was surprisingly entertaining to watch Quil try and answer Claire's steady stream of questions including an inquiry about where clouds came from, followed up closely with a question about whether Quil was married to Embry.

"Yes. It's just like Bert and Ernie," Jacob told her, which oddly seemed to make complete sense to the little girl.

Somehow, Seth managed to convince her that she needed to help Quil take Claire to the bathroom at the exact time that Sam and Emily shared their first dance. By the time she returned to the celebration, the dance floor was full of rowdy werewolves doing the nutbush. Rachel and Paul came up to greet her and Rachel babbled about how they should 'catch up' now that she was home. Leah wondered what that meant. Paul already knew everything about her, which meant Rachel did as well. There couldn't be much that she needed to catch up on. Paul was oddly silent while Rachel spoke and Leah made a mental note to have a good stickybeak in his mind the next time she got a chance. Sheltered behind a wall of Embry, Quil and Seth, Leah joined in on the Macarena and YMCA. Jacob watched Claire. He said he didn't mind because his neck was still giving him trouble.

The music shifted to a slower song and the boys all seemed to be pulled at simultaneously from different directions. Jade had asked Embry to dance. Quil was attending to a crying Claire. Sue was dancing with Seth.

Leah's face reddened as she realised that she was alone on the dance floor with the kind of song that one couldn't dance alone to. She was about to make a mad dash for the seating area when a large pair of hands landed on her hips. Leah looked up into Jacob's smiling face.

"You owe me at least one dance, Clearwater." She stiffened. It was a relief not to be on her own like a loser but she wasn't sure she felt like slow dancing with anyone. Unfortunately, she could see Sam and Emily chatting to Quil and Claire at their table.

"Try not to step on my feet," she scoffed, deciding that dancing was the least-worst option.

"So cruel to the injured man," he chastised her. "Sorry about the weight," he added as he leaned on her slightly.

"I'll forgive you if you put the fido tag back on," she quipped.

"I guess I'll have to stay on your bad side," he shrugged.

They swayed softly to the song. It was actually one of Leah's favourites.

Jacob began to sing the lyrics as they moved and his hot breath tickled against her neck. "I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue," he crooned.

"Fat chance of you ever going hungry. You're the only person I know who would bring snacks to a wedding," Leah joked.

"I'm a growing boy Lee, afternoon weddings are a challenge for my deprived digestive system," Jacob grinned and continued with the melody to the song.

"You know all the words," Leah observed.

"Yeah, I prefer the Bob Dylan version though." Jacob replied.

"Really? Adele's is so much sweeter. You don't think the Bob Dylan version is harsh and scratchy?" Leah felt strange admitting to liking a pop ballad.

Jacob paused, considering her question. "It _is_ harsh and scratchy... but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. It's the version I grew up with and it's the one I like best." He tucked a loose wisp of hair behind her ear "Spin," he commanded and he twirled her around.

"Now you," she said, raising her hand. Jacob spun around obligingly. She could hear Quil laughing in the distance.

Jacob pressed his check against hers so he could whisper into her ear as the song came to an end. "We're almost done Lee. They're not doing speeches so it's just the cake, the flowers and the garter. After that, I'm going to remind everyone of my fragile state and make an early exit. Can you drive me and Billy? My car's still at your place."

Leah looked at him gratefully. "Sure, I could do that," she said.

Leah watched most of the pack eat at least four slices of cake. Rachel caught the bouquet and Jared caught the garter which meant that Paul nearly ripped Jared to shreds as he awkwardly tried to place it on Rachel's leg. In an almost exaggerated display, Jacob let out a loud yawn and complained that his neck was hurting. Leah then offered to drive him and Billy back to their car. No one seemed to think she was making an inappropriate escape. Sam and Emily were in the middle of talking to Old Quil and they left without saying goodbye.

"Fuck 'em," Jacob shrugged.

When they had reached Leah's house and moved Billy from her car to Jacob's, Jacob reached out and squeezed her hand briefly.

"What you did today Leah was nothing short of a miracle. You shouldn't have had to do it... and I'm sorry for that. We could all kill a million vamps and we wouldn't be the warrior you are." Before she could reply, he swept her into a bone crushing hug and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Night Leah," he called as he slipped into the rabbit.

She stood there for a long time in the dark after his car rounded the bend, wondering if she would have been able to survive at all if he hadn't helped her so very much.


	5. Blacklist

**AN: This chapter was becoming enormous so I have had to split things up a bit. If I have given spoilers for the next chapter to you via PM then they may be applicable to either this chapter or the next.**

**Lots of Blackwater dialogue in this and the next few chapters. For those that prefer action, please stick with me – we'll get there.**

* * *

**5. ****Blacklist**

Jacob woke up in a foul mood the morning that he was scheduled to visit the Cullens for his check up. He was still battling the pain of his injury, but more than that, he felt off balance. Restless. Agitated.

He was convinced it was all Sam's fault.

Ever since the conversation where he had demanded to be Alpha, Jacob had felt angry at the very thought of Sam. Something inside of him had been ignited – a dormant flame that now burned with fervent intensity. It had taken all of Jacob's superhuman strength to focus on Leah at Sam's wedding and not attempting to murder the imposter Alpha groom.

Jacob had done it, but it hadn't been easy. He could feel Leah's pain – his wolf was oddly attuned to it – and he'd made alleviating it his priority. Every second of that wedding had been torture for her. That was just as much _his_ doing as it was Sam's. If he'd stepped up and challenged Sam earlier, she would have been free of his Alpha compulsion, but he hadn't. He'd balked at it and Leah had paid the price. Jacob added it to the list of failures that haunted him. Things he'd done that he wished he'd done differently. Just like when he'd lost the plot last Thursday. Somewhere in the haze of his dreams last night, Leah's cryptic words from before she had fallen asleep on his bed had come back to him: "_At least you know now... how you'd react. No fighting_."

_She'd been talking about Bella_.

If Bella came back, cold and marbled - an inhuman predator - he wouldn't be able to kill her.

_He was that weak_.

He'd said it in jest to Bella once, that time she had come to him after the Newborn War. He'd told her that he'd always be there for her. She'd countered that he meant until her heart stopped beating. He'd replied that maybe he'd still want her, depending on how stinky she was. They'd both thought he was being untruthful.

_Turns out he wasn't._

Just the thought of Bella had made him forget the most basic premise of being a werewolf. Unless she didn't come back at all, no one was getting killed. He couldn't kill Bella (even if she was already undead) and he probably couldn't kill Edward either because of how much Bella loved him. He couldn't kill the rest of the Cullens because they were giving him free medical care. The situation was all the more fraught because he really _needed_ to kill something. The pent up anger and hatred was clawing at him.

Jacob Black was a ticking bomb.

He was snapping at everyone. Even poor Seth had faced his wrath that morning. He'd called the Clearwater house to make arrangements for the day. When he'd been told that Leah was still sleeping, all he could manage was: "Tell Leah to pick me up at ten. Tell her to bring the shit-list. She'll know what I mean." Then he'd hung up.

If you hung up the phone on Seth Clearwater there was something really wrong with you. That kid had the patience of a saint. He must have followed through though because Leah had rolled up in Bella's truck bang on time.

Jacob had been worried that he would chew out Leah, just like he had everyone else that day, but when he saw her red eyes as she waved at him from the driver's side of the chevy, honking the horn because she was too lazy to come to the door, his wolf found the strength to suppress the rage.

_Leah_ was a survivor. He'd known full well that she'd needed time alone after the wedding. A huge part of him had wanted to offer to stay with her, just like Embry had for him, but Leah needed to grieve and she clearly wanted to do so without an audience, so he'd said goodbye and left her to it. He had called Seth to make sure that someone was in the house with her. Sue had disappeared somewhere after the wedding (and no one knew where). Nobody wanted to think about what the newly widowed Sue Clearwater was doing while drunk on a Saturday. _Yuck_.

"Come on Black, clock's ticking," Leah hollered. Jacob climbed into the car and they sped off towards leech-central. "You look like I feel," Leah remarked.

"I'd rather inject faeces into my eyeball than have to go to the Cullens for help," Jacob muttered.

Leah had laughed then. Somehow that had made things a little bit better. "How's your neck?" She asked.

"Better, but not back to normal," Jacob replied mournfully.

"You know a normal human would take months to recover from a spinal injury, right? It's okay to not be one hundred percent after a few days – Dr Fang's given you five."

Jacob glowered. That was half the problem. He'd lost five days and now Sam was on his honeymoon and wouldn't be back for a week. The wolf didn't want to wait that long.

Dr Cullen confirmed exactly what Leah had said. Jacob was making "wonderful" progress. He could take off the neck brace but he still needed to take it easy.

"I'm glad you're both here alone," the vampire told them as he sat in the lavish study of sickly sweet smelling house. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened on Thursday."

Jacob and Leah shared a look. They were both seated on the other side of Dr Cullen's mahogany desk. Being in enemy territory while you lacked your normal physical strength was beyond frustrating, but being in enemy territory while the enemy tried to discuss things you didn't want to reveal to even your friends was worse. Jacob and Leah instinctively moved closer together.

"Leah, I'm sure you know that you don't need five days away from phasing. You could phase tomorrow if you wanted to... Jacob you probably shouldn't phase until at least Tuesday, although I'm happy to keep saying neither of you should phase until Wednesday. Nobody ever needs to know otherwise. This is all covered by doctor-patient confidentiality"

Leah stared at the gold inlay on the green leather of Dr Cullen's desk top. _Where did they find stuff like this? It looked like it belonged to royalty. And why did the leeches want to help her?_

"There's more than one type of illness," he continued. "My son, Jasper, told me that you are both very depressed and when Seth asked about whether you could phase, your fear and anxiety nearly caused him to fall over."

"I don't want anyone in my head right now." Leah said evenly.

"I'm sure you don't," Carlisle conceded. "Jacob, Leah, I do realise that your lives have been irrevocably altered by my family's presence here. Moreover, the two of you are the ones who have suffered the most. Is there anything I could do to help ease your burden? I won't pretend that there's anything that I could do to make things right, but I would like you to know that I will help in any way I can. I have assets and connections."

Jacob's stomach tightened. This was just more of the same shit that Bella had found so completely irresistible. His mind drifted to an earlier time when he and Bella had clinked soda cans and toasted to "Washington's little Taj Mahal", the nickname they'd given his garage. He wondered what Edward had given her as a wedding gift. _Probably a castle or the real Taj Mahal_.

Leah was the one that responded. "My werewolf ex boyfriend married my cousin yesterday. How do you propose to help me with that?" Carlisle regarded them silently. "You might be richer than god – you have a fucking x-ray machine in your basement – but if you actually cared you would have never _ever_ come back here." She stood up and flounced out of the room. Jacob turned to follow her.

"Jacob," Carlisle called. Jacob paused. Did he have something to say about _her_? "I did want to tell Leah one other thing. I don't think she'll want to hear it from me, but perhaps you could discuss it with her?"

"Sure," Jacob said, his tone not really matching the word.

"I took many samples on Thursday night, blood, hair... I even did an ultrasound. You were unconscious but Leah kept telling me that she was 'barren'..."

Jacob's breath hitched. He couldn't be the one to tell Leah if Carlisle had confirmed it.

"I can't find any evidence of that whatsoever. Other than wolves having an extra set of chromosomes, there's no reason for her fertility to be compromised by being a shapeshifter... there are many possibilities. Maybe the phasing has put a temporary stress on her body that stops menstruation, maybe she will now mirror a wolf's fertility and only be fertile during 'mating season' whatever the explanation, I don't think she is incapable of bearing children."

Jacob sighed with relief.

"Thanks Dr F-Cullen..." he said, catching himself before he used Leah's nickname. "That's the first bit of good news we've had in a while." Jacob readied himself to leave, but found that he couldn't. He wanted to ask the _other_ question, the one that kept him awake every night. How was _she_?

Before Jacob could say anything, a piercing shriek echoed from elsewhere in the mansion. Dr Cullen turned on his heel immediately and Jacob followed close behind. The noise was coming from a large parlour at the rear of the house and they entered to find the pixie vampire in a state of distress, being comforted by her mate and Mama Vamp. Jacob couldn't remember what Dr Cullen's wife's name was and he'd nicknamed her "Mama Vamp" after Bella had told him that she was the driving force behind the Cullen's crazy adoption stories. Now that Jacob knew the truth behind the Cullens, he couldn't imagine how anyone believed that a woman who looked to be in her late twenties would 'adopt' a gaggle of teenage children.

"Alice, what is it?" Dr Cullen asked. "What did you see?"

Alice had her face buried in her hands. She turned slowly, her amber eyes glowing as she faced her adopted father.

"Esme," she replied. "I saw Esme crying and smoke everywhere."

Silence filled the room. Jacob didn't need to look at Dr Cullen to see how worried he was. He could feel the waves of protective concern for his mate radiating from him.

"What else did you see?" Jacob asked. He found himself wondering what happened when vampires cried. Did they cry blood? They didn't ingest anything else. Really, he didn't care much about why Mama Vamp might have an emo moment sometime down the track, as long as it had nothing to do with _Bella_.

"That's not how it works." Alice replied, still staring sadly at Dr Cullen. "I get flashes of things and sometimes I can look in on people, but I can't see why she's so upset."

_What a rubbish_ _gift_, Jacob thought. If you could 'look in on people' then you should be able to see why they were upset about something, and all the events leading up to the said state of upset. The Pixie Vamp seemed to cause as many problems as she was able to solve.

Jacob diverted his gaze from the peculiar spectre of four vampires embracing each other in reassurance and looked around the grand parlour. It was almost the same size as his entire house. He noticed four leather suitcases stacked neatly behind an antique settee.

"What's this?" he growled. "Going somewhere?" Jacob knew the reason that the Cullens would be packing to make a quick exit: treaty violation. If they were packing then...

_No No No_! His mind was racing, he felt a shudder course down his arm.

Pixie's mate must have used his calming mojo because Jacob felt his fear numbing. Dr Cullen was talking, repeating the same words over and over. Finally, Jacob allowed himself to hear them.

"Alice and Rosalie have chartered a plane to a fashion show in Hawaii tonight. The rest of us will remain here. Edward and Bella are on the Isle Esme – a private island I bought for my wife. They remain well. No change to report..."

Jacob's shoulders slumped. The Bella Swan emotional rollercoaster was killing him, but he had counted her every heartbeat when he had danced with her at her wedding and he didn't want those precious moments to have been her last.

"My sister lives in Hawaii," he said dully. _What else was there to say_? "Uh, have fun on your trip and tell me if you 'see' anything more."

"Certainly," Carlisle responded.

"Jacob?" Carlisle called again as he reached the doorway. It seemed Dr Fang was unwilling to let him leave. "When someone is upset, it's important to find something, some reason to keep going. Do at least _one thing_ each day just for you and make sure Leah does the same. You have to enjoy your life even if it's not turning out how you planned."

Jacob nodded wordlessly. Life hadn't been turning out how he planned for quite some time now. He left the stinky mansion and walked out to see Leah several hundred yards away with Rosalie of all people. He jogged to reach them.

"You got something to say, blondie?" He called.

Rosalie turned to face him with a scowl. "Sure doggie. I was just telling she-wolf here that we're still trying to find out who was in your territory last Thursday. Alice has looked and she can't see any mate coming for retaliation, but that doesn't mean much because it could all be clouded by you dogs being the first to intercept anything."

"So, you got nothing," Jacob retorted.

"It seems that way..." Rosalie trailed off, but she didn't move. "I was also saying that I don't agree... with anyone ever choosing this life. If I had a choice myself I wouldn't have made this one." With that, she ran back towards the Cullen compound.

Jacob and Leah drove back towards the reservation in silence. He could feel anger radiating from her in waves.

"Spit it out Leah," he snapped.

She ignored him.

"Leah," he warned.

"I'm trying not to be a bitch Jacob. You did me a favour yesterday. You gave good advice. Not getting sucked into the Sam and Emily love-fest helped me get by. Pity that you can't seem to follow the plan for yourself." She shook her head as she gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Woman, what are you prattling on about?" Jacob felt a familiar frustration rising inside of him.

"Fine," she spat, her knuckles were turning white from how firmly her hands were clenched. "You asked Dr Fang about Bella didn't you?"

Jacob swore under this breath, he hadn't asked exactly, he'd just freaked out until they volunteered information. He got the feeling that to Leah that wouldn't make a difference. She swerved over to the side of the road, screeching the truck to a halt.

"Leah, what the f-"

She interrupted him. "This is _bullshit_ Jake".

"What is?" He snarled.

"Your fucking obsession with Bella. I get it - you love her. I'm not one of those imprint snobs who measures pain against the woo-woo scale."

Jacob smirked in spite of himself. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Black. Those ass-hats who talk to you like if you broke an arm it doesn't mean anything because they once knew the pain of breaking an arm and a leg. Pain is pain. I'm not here to invalidate yours..."

"But..." he prodded her. He knew this was coming. She'd warned him as much on Friday before she passed out.

"But if you're going to fall to pieces, make it over someone who gave you something to miss. Make it worth it. What the fuck did Bella Swan ever do for you other than sit around like a fragile doll and demand that you pamper her?"

"You don't know her," he roared. Jacob wrenched the truck door open and stormed into the forest. _Leah fucking Clearwater and her fucking opinions_.

"I've been inside your head, Jake," she called as she ran after him. "I've seen your memories. Other than thinking she's hot, what's she got going for her that makes her worth all this crap? Tell me! You've given your whole heart, you've nearly died more times than I can count. Why? WHY?"

Jacob turned to face her. "Because it's _Bella_," he whispered.

"That's not an answer, Jake," Leah replied. "Give me something real."

Jacob was floored. He raked through his memories trying to find something that would help Leah to understand. "She never cared about the wolf crap. She just loved me for who I was. Even before she knew what she was dealing with, she offered to run away with me to get away from Sam... even after she figured it out...she loved me. She's sweet and funny and it's so easy to be around her. If there were no vampires and we weren't wolves, we would have been together and we would have been _happy_."

Leah smiled sadly. "That's a lot of 'maybe-s' Jake."

Jacob exhaled heavily. "Yep" he said, popping the 'p'. "That's all I got. A shitload of maybes and regrets." He sank to the forest floor and clasped his face in his hands. Leah sat away from him, leaning up against a nearby tree.

"I think you deserved more," she whispered softly, staring vacantly at the canopy of branches above them. Jacob looked at her uncomprehendingly. Leah was hard enough to understand when she was raining fire and brimstone. This other Leah that he was spending time with was even more obtuse. "You deserved to have someone feel the same way, don't you think?" she added.

"What difference does it make?" Jacob asked, fidgeting with a twig he picked from the ground cover. "I got what I got".

"And what are you going to do about it now? That shit you pulled last week – is that gonna be a regular thing?" Leah prodded him, still looking up to the sky.

"I don't need you to tell me that I'm a screw up Leah, I _already_ know." Jacob felt the tremors begin to stir within him again.

"You're not a screw-up. You're lost – and you can't phase Jake. _Deal with it_." Leah's tone was curt but lacked her usual harshness.

Jacob jumped to his feet, punching a fallen log and splitting it in two. "FUCK!" he cried as he pulled his bloodied fist from the wreckage and inhaled sharply. "It's not just about Bella! The girl I love left me for a corpse and she's going to die. She could be dead already! I couldn't protect her. Someone that I knew. I can't _protect_ anyone. I'm completely and utterly useless. You know it, Sam knows it, my father knows it, everyone knows it. Last week just proved it in case anyone had any doubts – and all we're supposed to do, the one mission we've got in life, is to _protect_."

Jacob was shaking. He'd never felt so completely exposed before. He was laying all his deepest fears, his insecurities in front of Leah. He couldn't seem to stop himself.

She stood up and turned to face him, eying him carefully. She regarded him in silence, waiting until his heartbeat slowed.

"You protected me." She finally said. "Just think of yesterday."

"My slapstick humour at a wedding hardly demonstrates my proficiency as a wolf," Jacob snapped. _And it wouldn't even have been necessary if I was Alpha_, he thought.

"What about in the Newborn War?" Leah asked. "You nearly died saving me then and that was _all_ your wolf. Even before that you took out more newborn vamps than the rest of the pack... all to protect Bella and everyone else." She was slowly stepping closer to him. "What about the other night when I was crazy depressed and you reached me at speeds I'm not even sure _I _could accomplish to save me? You protected me then too."

She was right in front of him now, gazing at him with burning deep brown eyes, daring him to challenge her.

"Guess what Jake? You're great at being a protector... The best in fact." He could hear the almost grudging admiration in her voice. "I'm not gonna touch the whole girl you love choosing someone else stuff. I don't get it anymore than you do... but the other Bella crap? That's on all of us. You think you're the only person who tried to make that girl see reason? We all did! Billy was warning her from day dot. Sam warned her, Paul warned her. She called my house incessantly when you ran off to Canada and I warned her so many times she started hanging up unless Seth answered the phone. We _all _tried to protect her and she's choosing vampirism anyway. This is not your failure alone. It's not. Believe me."

A fat tear rolled down Jacob's cheek. _Great! He was fucking crying in front of the most hard-arsed woman he'd ever met_. Jacob couldn't remember the last time he had cried. Maybe years ago when his mother died? He hadn't cried when Rachel and Rebecca left and he'd become Billy's primary carer. He hadn't cried when half the bones in his body had been broken in the Newborn War. He hadn't cried on Bella's wedding day, but he was crying now.

To her credit, Leah pretended like he wasn't. He appreciated that.

"There's more to you than her Jake." Leah said simply. And then she'd plopped down at his feet. He found himself joining her. They sat cross legged, leaning on opposite trees while he wiped his eyes with his shirt - at least not being able to phase meant that he was wearing one for a change.

"Feel like meditating now?" Leah joked.

"Um, maybe in a few minutes?" Jacob struggled to compose himself. He had never lost it like that in front of Embry. Leah had a funny way of making him voice emotions he didn't even know he was feeling until he said them. He groaned as he remembered that he was meant to be helping Leah to talk about her problems, not the other way around.

"Did you bring your list?" He asked her.

She blinked at him in confusion before reaching in to her pocket and handing him a scrap of paper.

**_My Shit List_**

**_1. _**Sam left me

**_2. _**For Emily

**_3. _**I turn into a giant dog

**_4. _**My father died

**_5. _**I have to do whatever Sam says because he's Alpha

**_6. _**Everyone hates me

**_7. _**I have to _hear_ just how much everyone hates me and just how much Sam loves Emily

**_8. _**I can't go to College or leave the rez ever

**_9. _**I had to cut off all my hair

**_10. _**I'm not a girl anymore and I can never have children (probably why I turn into a giant dog)

Jacob read the list three times before looking up to face Leah. He was completely out of his depth. None of the items were a surprise to him. He knew all this stuff – he'd lived through it, but somehow seeing them grouped all together like that emphasised just how much Leah was dealing with. Both the man and the wolf seethed at the injustice of it all.

_Just listen to her_, he told himself. _The way Embry does for you_.

"Okay," he said to stall for time. "It's very... detailed."

Leah snorted. "Maybe I should have talked to Call after all."

"Maybe you should have," Jacob agreed. "Um... one and two. I'm not touching that. It's in the same basket as the Edward and Bella stuff."

"Hmph," Leah replied.

"But," Jacob added, suddenly inspired. "If Emily is Sam's happily ever after then I don't think he would be yours."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leah huffed.

"Well..." Jacob struggled to find the right words. "Emily is really..." Jacob wanted to say "Mom-ish" but given the rest of the list he knew that was a sore spot. "She's really, ordinary," he finished.

"Ordinary," Leah said, repeating the word as if it were in a foreign language.

"Yes." Jacob said firmly. "She's vanilla and you're chocolate."

"Jacob Black, if you turn this into some fucking Sam doesn't want to eat me nonsense _I will end you_."

Jacob raised his hands in surrender. "No, hey... It's not like that. I just mean she doesn't really have opinions or much going for her aside from making muffins and Sam seems to like that. Some guys want a fem-bot. You're not a fem-bot."

Jacob hoped that made sense. It had to make sense. Of course if Leah hadn't watched Austin Powers it probably wouldn't make sense at all. He searched her face for recognition and saw her lips twitching at the edges before her mouth pulled into a scowl.

"I don't think Sam wanted a fem-bot until he imprinted," Leah lamented.

"Okay... Let's leave that. Next item... um... being a dog. Yeah. It sucks."

_Jesus, this is why this stuff was left to licensed professionals_, Jacob thought.

"It does," Leah agreed.

Jacob wasn't prepared to leave it at that. Once upon a time he could almost always find a bright side to any problem. There were advantages to being a wolf after all. He reached deep inside himself to a place where optimism still lurked.

"But you can eat whatever you want and keep your figure," Jacob said. Rachel had been particularly envious of Paul for that. "You get to kill vampires and be a superhero..." Jacob realised that that one might be more up his alley than Leah's. Luckily, he was saving the best for last, "and Seth doesn't have to do it without you."

Leah stared at him with an unfathomable expression on her face.

"If Seth was a wolf and you could choose whether to be one with him or whether to be a normal human would you choose the wolf?" Jacob knew the answer already, but he wanted Leah to say it.

"Yes," she replied softly. Jacob grinned. That was the thing about Leah Clearwater. She was protective and loyal. Her wolf was smaller than Seth's and she still worried about him like crazy. He heard it in her head all the time.

"Okay...um... the next one." _Shit, this was the worst one of all of them_. Jacob knew that there was nothing that he could say that would ever make Harry's death less painful for Leah, so he settled on his own truth instead. "I still miss my Mom, Leah. It never goes away."

Jacob had been eight when he had lost his mother, but whenever he went to visit her grave the grief was always fresh. He didn't have nearly enough time with her and at every big life event, his first day of high school, the day he got his driver's licence, his first day of being a wolf, he'd noted her absence.

"It's my fault you know," Leah said sadly. "His heart attack happened not long after Seth and I phased."

Jacob's eyes widened in shock. Had Leah really felt this way for months? No wonder she was struggling. "No way Leah... Harry had a weak heart and even though he did, he was always chowing down on Fish Fry. It had nothing to do with you phasing, and even if that was some small, small part of it, you didn't choose to phase. Blame vampires for you phasing."

Leah started to cry. Strangled, choking sobs that started in her chest and gnawed their way out of her. Jacob was torn, he didn't know what to do. Leah had graciously ignored his own tears but neither his man or wolf was willing to let him stay away from Leah when she was suffering this much. He scooped her up and dragged her into his lap cradling her against his chest.

"No," she whined thrashing against him. Jacob frowned. He knew Leah hated being touched by anyone other than Seth. She was always batting Embry away, she'd pushed him aside the other morning when he'd tried to look at her bruises. She'd only let him lean on her last night because he was injured and he hadn't given her a choice when he'd hugged her goodbye. Jacob decided he wasn't giving her a choice this time either.

"Shut up," he replied, clutching her to him protectively. "People need touch Leah, wolves especially." Jacob had always been a tactile person but lupine instinct had driven his natural affection to a new level. Whenever the pack were together they always found a way to come into contact with each other. It might be a simple fist bump or a punch to the shoulder, but they needed to connect. Leah had been the exception. It had seemed that she preferred it and they honestly hadn't known what to do with a girl in the pack, especially one that was the ex girlfriend of the Alpha. Leah virtually had a big sticker on her forehead that read "off limits". Jacob ripped it off. He couldn't help but wonder how much of that unintended indifference had subconsciously factored into her belief that everyone hated her.

He rocked her softly while she sobbed, murmuring words of comfort into her hair. He told her that Harry loved her and that she hadn't done anything wrong. He told her she was strong and that although the hurt would always be there, there would be a time when it was easier to live with. He was aware of time passing, the sun moving above them and the shadows around them changing. She eventually stopped crying, but still he held her tightly, watching as she drifted off into an exhausted slumber. Jacob was so focussed on the girl in his arms that he never once noticed the dark silver wolf observing them intently in the distance.


	6. Talking until we're blue in the face

**6. ****Talking until we're blue in the face**

Leah was warmer than she could ever remember being. Like the other wolves, she ran at a toasty one hundred and eight point nine degrees, but that was nothing compared to the heat generated by waking up in Jacob's arms. Her skin felt like it was on fire.

Frightened by the unexpected closeness, she instinctively tried to wrestle free from his embrace. He chuckled and brought his thumb to her cheek.

"Not letting you go right now chica." Jacob whispered.

She glared at him. It was inconceivable that a sixteen year old could strong arm her into cuddling. She growled.

"It's okay to need a hug every now and then you know. Some people hug all the time," Jacob added.

"What you and Quil do in your spare time is none of my business," she muttered.

"Sure, Sure," he replied, his face lighting up as he smiled at her. "You hungry? It's almost lunch time. Maybe we could stop at Lucy's for a burger? I'm not sure I feel like meditating on an empty stomach."

Leah frowned. She didn't really feel like being around Jacob after her meltdown, but she was hungry and Lucy's Diner served the best burger for miles. Besides, they had agreed that they would try and work on meditation after seeing the Cullens. They didn't have much time, even with Dr Cullen padding their recovery period.

"I didn't bring my wallet." She figured it was easier to find an obstacle rather than refuse to go outright.

"I did," Jacob responded. "A perk of knowing I'm not going to phase."

Leah was not going to turn down free food. Ever since her first phase, her appetite had more than doubled. She allowed Jacob to lead her back to the truck and drive them towards the diner. By the time they arrived, the place was buzzing, full of the Sunday lunch crowd. Everyone stared as they entered – Jacob's gigantic form was enough to stop traffic. She noticed a few women eyeing him appreciatively and felt relieved at how oblivious he seemed to be. Some of the other pack members were not so unaware. Leah was not in the mood to play wingman.

They sat across from each other in a vinyl green booth. Jacob was studying the menu like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever read. Leah watched as two waitresses appeared to squabble before one sashayed over to their table, puffing out her chest and pouting prettily.

"What can I get you?" She asked, eyes entirely on Jacob.

"I'll have a burger with the lot, fries and a coke," Leah replied. She was tempted to order more but it felt rude to indulge if Jacob was footing the bill.

"Uh, huh," the waitress murmured, "And for you?" She continued to gaze adoringly at Jacob.

"What she ordered, but bring out three servings for me," Jacob replied. He flashed the waitress a smile and she made a squeaking sound in reply. She looked like she was about to faint.

Leah rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Jake didn't even seem to notice the effect he'd had on the girl.

"It's so unfair," Leah complained.

"What is?" Jacob asked.

"This!" Leah said pointing to Jacob and then casting her arm out in the general direction of the rest of the diner. "The wolf-boy effect. You have women falling at your feet. Literally. I'd be surprised if the waitress serves our meal without experiencing heart palpitations."

"So?" Jacob said. "You've also had a growth spurt and muscled up."

"Exactly!" Leah replied. "And in case you haven't noticed, that isn't doing me any favours. I'm almost six feet tall, Jacob. With a butch hairdo. The rest of you transformed into freaking Chippendales and I'm Brienne of Tarth."

Jacob eyed her coolly before speaking, "This is a joke, right?"

Leah's face flushed. She was actually trying to tell him just how shitty the whole thing was and he thought it was funny? "If you say so," she muttered. She pulled a napkin from the napkin dispenser on the table and began shredding it into tiny pieces.

"Leah," Jacob said softly. She kept shredding, watching her breathing to make sure she didn't lose her temper again.

"Leah, look at me," Jacob demanded, raising his voice in annoyance. She lifted her eyes to his expecting him to be smirking, but he didn't seem amused at all. In fact, Jacob looked... angry.

"You're beautiful," he said simply. "Ask any guy in the room. It doesn't matter how tall you are. I'm pretty sure you nearly caused a fender bender on your way in here because a guy in the parking lot was checking you out."

Leah shook her head in disagreement. "Have you noticed that the imprints and girls in our circle – Emily, Kim, Rachel, _even Bella_, are all petite and short?" Leah felt like they were dancing around the real issue. She was a freak. She had probably always been a freak – that would explain why she was the only female wolf ever. Her appearance now just matched reality. She was the odd one out.

Jacob shrugged. "People come in all shapes and sizes. I guarantee that every one of them would gladly swap bodies with you if they could. Bella hates how short she is. I'm starting to think all women hate their bodies... it's a rule or something."

Their burgers arrived then and Leah snorted as the waitress did her best to brush her fingers along Jacob's forearm while trying to arrange the excessive quantities of food onto the small table. She smiled sweetly at Jacob and asked if he needed anything else. When he said no, she tossed her long red curls over her shoulder before prancing back to the kitchen.

"I miss my hair," Leah mumbled as she stuffed a chip in her mouth. She knew it was vain, but the loss of her waist-length black locks had been a huge blow to her ego. She hadn't had short hair since she was a child. Her hair was a part of her. Chopping it down to the clipped bob she had now had made her feel like Samson. Instead of losing the source of her power she had given up her femininity.

"It'll grow back." Jacob countered, "and Embry loves it short."

"Subtle, Black."

Jacob grinned at her. "I bet he thinks you're the perfect height too."

Leah threw a chip at him. Much to her frustration, he managed to open his mouth and catch it perfectly and gulp it down. Before they could descend into an all-out food fight, a familiar figure bounded over to them.

"Hey guys!" Quil said cheerfully.

"Aunt Leah, Unca Jay!" a voice called. Leah leaned down to see Claire holding Quil's hand. She was so small her head didn't even reach the table top.

"Hey Claire." Jacob reached down and grabbed Claire's nose between his index and middle finger. He then pushed his thumb through the same place as he withdrew his hand. "Got your nose," he crowed.

"No Unca Jay, gib it back!" Claire cried.

"Okay," he replied and pretended to place Claire's nose back.

Leah smiled. She secretly adored Claire although she tried not to spend too much time playing with her. She knew that it would just remind her of something she would never have for herself.

"Aunt Leah why are you a beach?" Claire asked her, returning Leah's smile.

"What do you mean?" Leah asked. She had a sneaking suspicion that Claire didn't mean 'beach' at all.

"Qwuil say you a big bitta beach. Cwaire like the beach and ice cweam. Qwuil gets ice cweam for me because I'm a good girl!" Claire said in a sing song voice.

Leah was preparing to verbally abuse Quil and possibly accuse him of paedophilia right in the middle of the restaurant when she heard the strange snarling sound coming from Jacob. He was glaring daggers at Quil.

"_This_ is the crap you're teaching your imprint?" He hissed.

Quil laughed nervously. "Come on Jake, she doesn't understand... no biggie."

Jake's eyes widened. He scowled and reached his hand out, grabbing Quil by his hoodie and yanking him sharply down so that their eyes were level.

"It _is_ a big deal. How 'bout you teach your imprint about treating others with respect? How would you feel if someone walked around calling her a bitch in the middle of a diner in a few years time? More importantly, how would _she_ feel?" Quil struggled against Jake's vice like grip, but he couldn't escape without tearing his clothing.

Leah watched as Claire's bottom lip began to tremble. With their wolf senses they could all hear her little heartbeat racing as she observed the conflict unfolding in front of her. "Jake, forget about it. It's not a big deal... seriously. Don't upset the kid..."

"Apologise and then get the hell out of here," Jacob ordered.

"Sorry Leah," Quil said curtly, not sounding at all apologetic. Jacob released him and he immediately scooped up Claire and tickled her until she was laughing. Satisfied that his imprint was happy again, he walked towards the door. Just before he left, he glanced over his shoulder at Jacob. His eyes darted across to Leah and then back to Jacob, his mouth curled in confusion.

Jacob glared and clenched his jaw. He watched Quil's every move through the glass windows as he loaded Claire into the car.

Leah didn't know what to make of this new, mercurial, Jacob. He, Embry and Seth were usually the most easygoing pack members.

"Jake it doesn't matter if Quil calls me a bitch. I give as good as I get, and really, I'm a female dog. I don't think there's anything we could do that would stop the pack from using that word."

"It does matter," Jacob spat, "If this stuff is what makes you think everyone hates you."

"The insults aren't what make me think that. We _all_ insult each other. Really, it's more that I can _feel_ the resentment. Everyone would much prefer it if I wasn't a wolf. I'd prefer that too, by the way, but I don't get a say. Also, everyone ignores me. Even when I have really good ideas and even when I scream them at the top of my lungs."

Jacob's eyes softened. "Tell me about them."

"What?"

"Your ideas. Tell me about them."

Leah didn't need to be asked again. In hushed tones that no human ears could hear, she gave Jacob a detailed assessment of what was wrong with the current patrol schedule. It was too random and made it difficult for anyone to plan anything. They needed a more defined roster and they needed to take everyone's needs into account before allocating shifts. Once the holidays were over, pups like Seth, Colin and Brady should be given a shorter shift that ended just before nine in the morning so that it didn't affect them going to school, with longer shifts on the weekends. She, Sam and Paul were the only ones that had finished High School, but everyone else needed to make a decision about whether they were finishing and if not should get at least a GED or investigate Billy and Quil doing some form of home-schooling. Leah told Jacob about her concern that Embry had been given the night shift far too often, even though his mother didn't know the secret and this made his life incredibly difficult. It was one thing to be unaccounted for during the day, but parents always noticed if their kids were missing all night. Jared's parents did shift work so it was less of a problem for him, however his school situation was the most precarious because he had phased right after Sam and was already effectively a year behind and in the most need of time off. He was doing summer school, but he was often called away to patrol at short notice. Paul and Jacob were the best fighters but they hadn't done any fight training since the Newborn War. They needed to allocate time to making sure that everyone was working on improving their skills.

Jacob listened attentively, nodding in agreement whenever she paused to draw breath. "These are great ideas. How do you know so much about everyone's schedules?"

Leah shrugged. She had always been well organised and where some people had photographic memories she had a knack for retaining anything that someone _said_ to her.

"Sam's underutilising you." Jacob mumbled to himself.

Leah wondered if Jacob would finally raise the fact that he had challenged Sam on Friday. She wanted to bring it up herself, but she felt like the opportunity to do that would have been when they spoke before the wedding. Just like then, she somehow felt embarrassed to admit she had been eavesdropping. A dark thought lanced through her. _Maybe Jacob wasn't raising the issue because he didn't intend to fight Sam when he was better?_

It was so obvious to her that Jacob was a natural leader. He was charismatic and strong. _And he listened to people and made them feel good_.

"Sam's Sam. He never was one for being told anything," Leah responded.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Jacob asked.

"What?" Leah replied suspiciously.

"Think about who you're talking to and choose how you're going to get the answer you want from them. Sam needs to believe that any good idea is his own, Jared likes ideas that are already approved by Paul and Sam, just like Seth is more likely to take something on board if it sits well with you. There's usually a way to get the response you want, but with some of these guys, yelling it won't be it." Jacob paused to inhale his second burger.

"How do you get a favourable response from Paul?" Leah asked arching her brow.

"Honestly? Sam and I order him to do things if it's necessary. We're both strong enough to physically discipline him and he knows his place, but he's stronger than everyone else. I'm not a fan of forcing Paul to do anything so I tend to... manipulate him." Jacob looked self-conscious as he said the words.

"How?" Leah asked. Manipulation didn't worry her in the slightest and she was deeply curious. She had never talked to another pack mate about the pack dynamic. She knew that Jacob got his way a lot and was loved by everyone, but she'd never considered why that was the case.

"Paul tunes out yelling, Leah. He's used to it. I do whatever it takes to make him want to do what I want him to. The number of times lately that I've started a sentence with 'I bet Rachel would like it if...'"

Leah laughed. "It's that simple, huh?"

"Not always," Jacob said with a wry smile, "but if something's really a problem come to me and we'll work it out. It's not you against the world. We're a pack. Sometimes you have the right idea, and maybe sometimes Paul will. You're both naturally dominant people. You're going to clash."

"We clash even when we're not disagreeing on anything, Jake." Leah sighed. It was the real problem. She just didn't fit.

"That's everyone's fault. They're mean to you, you're mean right back. It's become a game. I can't remember who started it, but maybe if we try this meditation thing, you and I will be calmer and that will help... at the very least you'll be able to tune them out." Jacob pushed the third burger towards her. "Here, don't for a moment tell me that just one of these was enough for you."

Leah was amazed. He'd ordered enough for her right from the beginning. "You don't want it?" she checked.

"I don't need it," he responded. Leah grabbed the burger and began chewing loudly. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt full. The wolf in her was always hungry.

"Leah, I want you to know something. Being the only female wolf... I just can't imagine... but it does make you special. Every single one of us would die to save you. We know you're important, even if we don't know anything more than that."

Leah was stunned. Jacob Black had turned her curse on its head and declared that she was a wolf not because she was a freak but because she had some special destiny. It was a sweet thought, even if she didn't believe him for a second.

"So," she asked, polishing off the burger. "Where do you want to go to practice meditation? I thought today we could just try something sedentary and tomorrow we could try running as humans and maybe on Tuesday we could phase?"

"If we phase, anyone on patrol can hear us. We can hear each other into most of northern Canada" Jacob reminded her, "So, I'm not sure that's on the cards, but that book talks a lot about 'ambient ocean sounds' where do you think we might find that?" He winked.

Leah was in a good mood all the way back to La Push.

~~~BaB~~~

"For something that's meant to be easy, this sure is complicated," Jacob complained.

They were sitting in the sand in the middle of First Beach and Leah had discovered that the biggest problem with meditating was that she wasn't sure what the 'right' or 'best' method to try was.

The book had some ideas and Jacob had been enthusiastic enough to do a google search before they got started. There was body scanning, which required thinking about every part of the body from the toes up to the head, there was also simply focussing on breathing - that seemed to be the most popular one - although Jacob had found other studies that suggested that more structure was needed and that you should start by taking one hundred breaths. There was so much information and so many conflicting ideas about how a person should relax the mind that it was dizzying. Leah couldn't help but think that it was actually quite stressful.

They decided to try the body scanning techniques because they were meant to help with pain management and Jacob's neck was still giving him trouble, despite being able to take off the neck brace. Leah told Jacob to think of his toes and release the tension he held in them. Then she asked him to relax his calves and his thighs. By the time she got to his chest he was snoring. _This method was a disaster_. She punched him awake.

"Ow" he cried and instinctively grabbed her, rolling them over so she was pinned down. "This better not all be an excuse for you to beat me up while I'm all calm".

Leah snorted. "Like you could, Black. I'm special, remember? I could probably hex you with my super duper woman wolf mojo."

They rolled on the sand, each battling for dominance, before they heard a familiar voice.

"What's up?" Jared called. He and Kim were walking down the beach arm in arm.

Leah had Jacob pinned, her leg pushing down on his stomach. She had the advantage because she could knee him in the groin. She knew he wasn't trying terribly hard, but she still got a thrill from notionally winning the battle.

"Just teaching baby alpha a lesson," she replied.

"I'm letting her win," Jacob interjected. "She's no match for me at full strength anyway."

Jared looked confused. Kim seemed amused. Leah shot Jacob a '_this isn't over' _look before she released him and collapsed back on the sand.

"So you guys are just hanging out?" Kim enquired.

"Apparently Leah is teaching me something," Jacob said sarcastically.

"He's a poor student," Leah quipped, "High School drop-out and all."

"Hey! Low blow!" Jacob retorted. Both Jared and Jacob looked annoyed.

"We can't all have the good fortune to have phased after our diploma was a sure thing." Jared muttered. _Oh yeah. It was definitely a sore point_, Leah thought.

Jacob and Leah sat in silence while Kim and Jared hovered over them. Leah never knew what to say to Kim because the only thing Kim seemed truly passionate about was Jared. It was common knowledge that Kim had been besotted with him for years. Imprinting had gifted her everything she'd always wanted. In that way Kim was the exact opposite of Leah. It made it tough to find common ground. The fact that Kim was incredibly boring didn't help much either.

"What are you guys up to?" Jacob asked, trying to bridge the gap.

"Nothing," they chimed in unison. Leah and Jacob both winced. Was it an imprint thing to be so perfectly in step with one another?

"Just going for a walk," Jared added.

"Aren't you on patrol this afternoon?" Jacob asked.

"Nah, he swapped with Paul because Rachel wanted to see a movie in Port Angeles tonight," Leah answered before Jared had a chance to reply.

Jacob, Jared and Kim all looked at Leah as if she had grown an extra head.

"Um, yeah that's the reason. We thought we'd wander up to the cliffs before my shift starts."

Jacob and Leah nodded. It was so awkward. Jared on his own wasn't so bad, put putting him next to Kim made him almost unbearable. There was just something about a girl that had doodled Jared's name in her notebooks in pink pens adorned with fluffy feathers that made it hard for Leah to take her seriously.

"Bye," they both said together as they continued wandering down the shore, hand in hand.

Leah waited until she was sure they were out of earshot. "I don't get it," she mumbled. "She gives him a pencil and then it's bam! Insta-love."

Jacob looked at her knowingly, "but they're happy. I wouldn't want it for myself but we both know that now that it's happened Jared wouldn't trade it for the world."

"That's the problem!" Leah protested. "It's like a love-lobotomy. I want to choose. I want love the normal way."

"I guess it chooses you sometimes. That's what Bella said."

_Sooo not taking life advice from that pathetic bitch, _Leah thought.

"Bella's a fem-bot," Leah declared.

"Leah," Jacob warned.

"She so fucking is, Black, and you _know _it... a stepford wife for the Victorian leech!"

Jacob jumped up and began walking away from her. Leah saw that she had pushed too far but she wholeheartedly believed what she had said. Part of her wanted to go after him but she knew he would want an apology, for her to take back her harsh words, and she didn't want to. In Leah's book Bella Swan was pure poison. She had no personality. In fact, other than being excessively clumsy and a danger magnet, she didn't seem to have any defining traits at all.

She sat and curled her toes into the sand, watching the waves crashing against the shore. It always amazed Leah how constant they were. The ocean, the tide, these things were predictable. It was everything else that you couldn't count on.

She felt Jacob return to her side. He didn't make any noise but she had a sixth sense about him. Her wolf always seemed to know when he was near, just like she always knew where Seth was.

"There's something I need to tell you. I didn't expect the day to end like this and I was going to tell you when the right time came, but I can see that's not going to happen."

Leah looked at Jacob's hardened face. _What would bring him back when he was this angry_?

"Leah... Dr Cullen did a lot of tests on us when we went to see him on Thursday. He tried to tell you about them this morning but you ran off... he wanted you to know that he can't see any reason why you can't have children."

Leah felt like she had been punched in the gut. All the air had been sucked out of her. It had been a long time since she'd gotten good news. Ever since she'd stopped getting her period, she'd felt that infertility was the best explanation for why she was the pack's only female wolf and why Sam hadn't imprinted on her. Layered on top of that, was the twisting realisation that she _really wanted children_. She'd never given much thought to it until she'd believed it was impossible, but she wanted a family of her own. She wanted little creatures that she could grow and nurture, that she could give the world to. _And maybe that was still possible_.

Leah knew better than to indulge in hope. "Just because he can't find a medical reason, doesn't mean there isn't a magical wolf reason..." she argued.

"Glass is always half empty with you, isn't it?" Jacob muttered. "I'm sure when you start actively trying one day, maybe after you stop phasing, you'll be fine. Anyway I just came back because I knew you would want to know." He turned and began walking towards his house. Leah didn't even realise that she had gotten up and was following after him until she was within a step of reaching him.

"Jake," she called. She had no idea what to say to him. She wanted him to realise what a pain Bella was, but she didn't want to upset him. He had been far too kind to her for that to be a source of enjoyment any longer. More than that, even though it had been a rotten day – a visit to leeches, crying in the forest, Quil's vicarious abuse via Claire – there were moments were she had almost had fun. Jacob was decent company. He understood her pain. He had pain of his own.

_And she was making it worse._

He paused when she called to him but he didn't turn around.

"Please Jacob," she said to his back. He pivoted slowly until he was facing her. His breath was ragged and his eyes were burning with anger. "Please," she repeated. It was all she had. She didn't trust herself to say anything more. If she did then maybe she would have said _'please don't leave me alone here when you're the only person I can stand to be around'_, but it seemed far too personal, too needy for Leah's liking. Instead she poured all of the sentiment into her one word entreaty.

"Please," she said a third time, deciding it would be the last. Leah never asked anyone for anything. Sometimes they offered and that was okay, but she didn't like to ask. _Asking meant that people could deny you, could disappoint_.

Leah had just started to back away, deciding that there was no point in continuing when Jacob finally responded.

"What do you _want_, Leah?" Jacob snapped. The harsh lines on his face made him look years older. Leah spent most of her time with pack members thinking of all the things that made them so different. Sometimes when she looked at Jacob, she only saw all the things that made them exactly the same.

"I want..." It was such an innocent question, but one that she didn't know how to answer. She wanted so many things, mostly things that had been taken away. There was no point listing them because they weren't just improbable, they were impossible. Jacob's penetrating gaze reminded her that she had to say something. If she didn't he was going to walk away and he was going to hate her.

_And for some reason she didn't want him to_.

"I... I want to be a better friend, and I'm sorry," she said.

The surprise on Jacob's face was almost comical. In two seconds he'd gone from looking like an angry Kojak to being a confused teenager.

Jacob raked his hands through his hair and sighed before addressing her. "Talking shit about Bella is off limits. We can talk crap about Emily and Edward all you want, but how would you feel if I started ragging on about Sam?"

"I'd actually love that Black, it's about time someone said something. I'm so sick of hearing everyone talk about what a freaking boy wonder he is," Leah snapped. "Besides, you have talked shit about him before. You called him a butthead that day on the cliffs!"

Jacob scowled at her. "You really don't forget anything you hear do you? It's like socialising with a fucking tape recorder."

"At least I don't read minds or tell the future." For a moment Jacob's mouth twitched. Leech-bashing was always a good resort. The respite was short lived though and Jacob's face twisted back into an agonised frown.

"What if I can't stop...?" He whispered.

Leah didn't need him to explain. She knew what he was asking: _what if I can't stop loving Bella?_ She didn't have any good answers for him.

"Then you become like me. Bitter, lonely and stuck here around painful memories." Leah realised that she didn't want that for Jacob. Even with all his pain, there was still some spark to him. He wasn't totally ruined yet. There was still hope that he would recover.

"You're not stuck here," Jacob said. "It won't be this way forever. When it's over you'll go to College... even before that there's nothing to stop you from getting out of town from time to time."

Leah wondered how someone who was just as broken as her could always see an upside to everything. "Glass is always half full with you, isn't it?" She mumbled, recalling his own criticism of her being the exact opposite.

"The cup used to be overflowing," he replied. _He's right_, she thought. Jacob might still be able to see silver linings, but that was nothing compared to the perpetually happy child that she had grown up with. He'd suffered a lot of losses as a kid – she was only just now beginning to understand how debilitating the loss of a parent was – but he'd always been unbreakable.

_Fucking Bella Swan_. Leah swallowed the insults that raced around her head.

"Please Jake, let's keep trying the meditation stuff okay?" Without waiting for his response she walked over to a nearby bench and flopped down. Amazingly, Jacob followed. "Let's try the one hundred breaths technique, huh? We could both use the calm."

Leah closed her eyes. She breathed in. She heard Jacob doing the same thing next to her. Her mind was all over the place. She was thinking about how she was going to avenge Jacob on the side and make Bella suffer (he'd only prohibited trash talking her after all, he'd said nothing about other activities), she was thinking about having children, she was thinking about the time she, Rebecca, Rachel, Seth and Jacob had made a fortress using bed sheets in her family living room and Seth and Jacob had cried when Billy and Sarah had tried to take their children home. She kept breathing, focusing on each breath, making them regular and even. She listened to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Her thoughts subsided and she could feel the cool air whistling past her. The tension that she always held in her body seemed to ease a little.

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

At some point Leah lost count of the breaths, but it didn't matter. Her body knew what it was doing. She felt a blissful weightlessness ripple through her.

She was rudely interrupted by sharp shards of water striking her face. Jacob was already standing reaching out to her. "I don't know about you but the rain is harshing my buzz," he stated. She let him help her up and they ran towards her house. It was closest.

They reached the front gate and scented Seth, Colin and Brady in the house. By the sound of it they were having a gaming marathon. Without speaking they continued running towards Jacob's house.

"Between the weather and us all living in each other's pockets we're never going to find a quiet place to practice," Leah complained. "I just wish we could get out of here."

A flash passed across Jacob's face, as if he had had an idea, but he didn't share his thought.

The phone was ringing by the time they arrived at the Blacks' house and Jacob trailed wet muddy footprints across the hall in his hurry to answer it. The person on the other side didn't even let Jacob say 'hello'. Not that 'person' was really the right descriptor. With Leah's werewolf hearing the screechy voice of the Pixie vampire assaulted her ears.

"I assume you want to know what time we're leaving, seeing as the whole journey just disappeared from my sight?" She cried. "I'll have you know that I don't care to travel with _dogs_ but Carlisle is adamant that you can join Rosalie and I if you want. There's room on the plane although I can't imagine how we'll deal with the odour. Be at our place by eight". She parroted off flight details while Jacob listened carefully. Leah moved closer as she heard the Pixie getting more and more angry. "– and don't for a minute think that we're staying later so you can have some lazy vacation. We're coming back on Tuesday night - so you can make your own way home." Jacob paused for a second. Before he could formulate a response, the Pixie started again "Gah! The return journey just vanished too. _Bloody_ _muts_!" She hung up the phone abruptly. Jacob turned to face Leah with a look of trepidation.

"What the fuck is she talking about, Jake?" Leah snapped.

Jacob's face morphed into a grin. "Are you serious about wanting to get out of town for a few days? I know I am. I decided on the way over here. We're not due to patrol until Wednesday and blondie and the psychic have a private jet lined up to take them to Hawaii. I'm going to see Rebecca. I'm going to practice meditation somewhere I don't have the pack breathing down my neck and where I can phase in peace. Wanna come?"

* * *

**AN1: I firmly believe that after everything Leah's been through, she would have low self esteem and not be fully aware of how beautiful she is. Also, all my tall girlfriends hate being tall. Something about having to lean down to hold a guy's hand or whatever. I'm not tall enough to have first-hand knowledge of it, but I'm sure that it's a bummer. Anyway, we are going to Hawaii folks and Jacob and Leah are friends. Sort of. LOL.**

**AN2: I started a new job today and it is going to be intense, so the 35,000 words and six chapters I wrote in the past three weeks while I was 'fun-employed' are going to be a kick-arse start to what will probably be a less frenetic updating schedule. I'll still aim for updating once every week or so. Reviews are an awesome motivator. ; )**


	7. Black Sheep

**7. ****Black Sheep**

Jacob was packing. Man-style. It involved chucking everything in his laundry hamper into a rucksack and hoping that there was some underwear in there. For some reason he felt that his normal practice of going commando everywhere wasn't appropriate on a visit to see far away family members. He was only going for two days though. He could probably live without underwear if he needed to.

Leah had raced off to get her own things. She'd barely needed to think over whether she was coming, although she did point out that Jacob needed to put some faeces in his eyeball seeing as he was voluntarily accepting more favours from leeches.

Turns out, there was a lot of shit Jacob would put up with for a free holiday.

Billy was watching him as he grabbed food from the kitchen. Who knew what would be on the plane? Jacob decided snacks were even more important than clothing.

Billy cleared his throat. "Son, I just want to make sure I've got this right. You're going to Hawaii".

"Yep," Jacob answered.

"With the Cullens."

"Just the two lady-vamps. We're hitching a ride because they have private planes organised. One from Forks to Seattle and one from Seattle to Oahu," Jacob corrected him. "We're not vacationing with them or anything, and we'll be back in time for our next scheduled patrol."

"I see," Billy responded. "Leah's going with you?"

"Yep."

"I see," Billy said again, "I'll call Becca and let her know to expect you." That was that. Jacob had found precious little in recent weeks to be grateful for, but he found himself thanking the spirits for Billy's non-discursive nature.

He knew it was crazy. _It was ludicrous_, but he missed his sister – the one that didn't know about werewolves and vampires and wasn't banging Paul – and as soon as the idea of going to her had flitted across his mind, it had been a done deal. That and the idea of proving to Leah that they weren't stuck on the rez. They could get out every now and then. She _needed_ a break and he was going to make sure she got one. Wolf and man were in firm agreement that this was a good plan.

Leah picked him up and they speeded so they could reach the Cullen House in time. As soon as they got there, they agreed quite quickly with Blondie and the Pixie that Leah and Jacob should drive separately to Forks Municipal – why endure the stink for any longer than they had to? The first flight wasn't so bad. Leah convinced him to try the breathing techniques they had practiced earlier in the day and it did help to calm them. It didn't change the pervasive odour, although it allowed Jacob to drift away from it inside his mind. The real challenge was the overnight flight from Seattle. Six plus hours with just him, Leah and two bloodsuckers in a cabin that was the size of his bedroom.

Jacob kept telling himself that the ends justified the means. He briefly thought about asking if he and Leah could go and sit in the cockpit with the pilot, but a quick look told him that even one of them would be too large for that and he didn't think the Cullens would be too keen to relocate there themselves, even though Pixie was so small Jacob felt confident that he could easily fold her into a piece of carry-on luggage. Jacob had some enjoyable fantasies about kicking them both out of the plane and watching them fly out into the clouds, but he needed them to get back home on Tuesday night so he would have to make do. _At least Edward the mind reader wasn't there to tattle on him for his homicidal musings_.

Jacob and Leah positioned themselves as far away from Alice and Rosalie as they possibly could, leaving half a dozen empty seats in the cabin between them. Once again, Jacob found himself drawing closer to Leah. His wolf didn't like her being so near to their natural enemies, even if they were ones they had a treaty with. The four of them sat in uncomfortable silence. Jacob knew it would be polite to make some sort of small talk, but he decided that although it was important to him to be a good person, it wasn't important to be polite. Unfortunately, the Pixie Cullen didn't seem to share his views.

"So, aah... your sister lives in Oahu?" Pixie enquired.

Jacob paused. Were they really going to do this? He snuck a glance at Leah and she shrugged at him. She seemed to be saying: _this was your idea, Black. You make it work_.

"Um, yeah. On the North Shore. She married a surfer she met on a trip to California right after she graduated from High School. She eloped and moved to Hawaii to be with him. I only met him once and she's never been back to the rez since."

"How romantic! You must be so excited to see her!" Alice squealed.

Jacob frowned. He didn't really think it was romantic at all. He had never understood how people could claim that they had instantly fallen in love with someone, whether by imprinting or some other force. He believed in knowing a person - inside and out – before declaring love. Insta-love was just lust. He would have said that imprinting was the same if it wasn't for Quil. He secretly thought that Rebecca had been motivated by something entirely different when she met Solomon.

_She'd wanted out of the rez_.

The death of Jacob's mother, combined with Billy's health issues had left a heaving caring burden to be shouldered. Rebecca and Rachel were four years older than Jacob. Their departure almost three years ago had left him carrying the load. At first he hadn't minded. He had been fourteen and accepted that his sisters had not only looked after Billy, but helped raise him. He wanted a chance to do his part. At the time he hadn't thought it would be forever. He'd expected that they would come back when they finished college and then he'd be ready to go. As it happened, Rachel had done exactly that. Not because she was worried about her younger brother, but because of Paul. To be fair to Rachel, she did come back most holidays and at semester break. Jacob couldn't say with certainty she'd been planning on doing a runner. However, after three years of Rebecca dodging invitations and making excuses, he knew the truth.

She was _never _coming back.

Jacob didn't know what to make of it. On the one hand he loved Rebecca. Nobody could ever understand you like a sibling could. On the other hand, what kind of person just deserted their family like that? Jacob felt rejected. _Rebecca had abandoned him_.

Lost in his thoughts, Jacob failed to realise that Alice was expecting some sort of reply. Leah jumped in. "Becca's a selfish princess, but we love her and miss her because we've known her forever."

Alice raised her eyebrow, no doubt expecting an angry retort from Jacob, but he wasn't worried by Leah's assessment. Leah had been particularly hurt that neither Rachel nor Rebecca had come back for Harry's funeral. Rachel had at least called and sent flowers. Rebecca never contacted the Clearwater family at all. He had seen via the pack mind just how hurt Leah had been by that. He knew that Leah cared about Rebecca and he didn't feel the need to reprimand her for speaking the truth.

"What's wrong with Rebecca?" Rosalie asked.

"She's wired funny," Leah replied. "For me family always comes first. For Rebecca, Rebecca comes first."

Rosalie nodded in understanding.

"She's lots of fun though," Jacob interjected, feeling the need to extol some of Rebecca's virtues. "She's always been the wild one... and she's creative. She makes jewellery and paints... Hey Lee, maybe you could go and do some girl things with her. Shopping or something."

"_Girl things?_" Leah asked incredulously.

Jacob felt uncomfortable. He was, after all, trying to describe activities he knew nothing about.

"You said you wanted to change your haircut... right?"

The Pixie suddenly became incredibly interested in the conversation. "What a great idea! You have such a good bone structure. So many different styles would suit you." She began flipping through a stack of magazines that she and Blondie had brought with them on the plane. "I saw one earlier that would be perfect."

Leah glared at him and Jacob groaned. This was going all wrong. The pixie found the picture she had been looking for, tore it out and folded it carefully into a paper aeroplane which she threw towards Leah with alarming precision. It was only due to Leah's own supernatural abilities that she managed to grab it from right in front of her nose. She stuffed it in her pocked without even looking at it.

"Thanks," she mumbled resentfully.

Jacob decided to quit while he was ahead and get some sleep. He closed his eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably. _He just couldn't get past the stench_. How had he ever managed to share that tent with Edward and Bella? His gut wrenched at the memory: Bella's small body snuggled against him, his face buried in her hair.

_Oh yeah_._ That's how_.

He tried lifting his shirt up above his nose and creating his own air pocket. It made things better. Leah looked at him with scorn. "You look like one of those people who's crazy afraid of bird flu, but too cheap to buy an oxygen mask," she ribbed.

"It's not the cost," he retorted. "I only do MJ impersonations on the dance floor where people can appreciate the full extent of my moon-walking."

"Uh, huh," she said disbelievingly. "We both know you're more like an extra from the thriller clip, but whatever helps you sleep... speaking of which," she rustled in her bag before triumphantly pulling out two oversized bulldog clips, clipping one to her nose and offering the other to him. "I plan ahead," she said proudly, in an odd nasal tone.

Jacob shook his head as he accepted the clip and pegged it on. It was tight, but he preferred the discomfort to the stench that riled at his wolf. _Leah was bat shit crazy, but she was clever_.

Jacob soon found himself drifting into unconsciousness. He dreamed he was inside a church bell tower. It was tall and imposing and he wasn't big enough to peek through the open windows above his head. The bells were clanging and the noise jarred. Then they began to talk.

"Calm down. What did you see?" One bell said to the other.

"Same as before! Esme crying, except this time Bella was there crying too... and she was unchanged," the other bell replied in a higher tone.

Then the walls began to speak. The sound was oddly familiar, although it had a strange muted quality. "What do you mean unchanged... as in _still human_?"

"Yes... but I can't see her at all right now... it's so confusing," the soprano bell chimed.

"Can you see her as one of you at all still... if you crystal-ball well into the future...?" The walls prompted her, full of agitation.

The bells were silent, as if deep in thought.

"Yes... eventually. That part hasn't changed."

"Then we say nothing to Jacob," the walls said firmly. "We are not dragging him back into this bullshit."

"Won't he just see it in your head anyway?" The lower-toned bell asked.

"Not if I can help it," the walls answered.

Jacob slipped into a deeper sleep, and in the morning he remembered nothing of the bells talking about _his_ Bells.

~~BaB~~

Jacob awoke with a jolt as the plane landed.

"About time Black, my legs are going numb!" Leah snapped.

Jacob realised with embarrassment that he was sprawled over her lap. He quickly righted himself. "Sorry," he mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Forget it," she said dismissively. "Besides, you're missing the morning fashionista display."

Jacob looked up to see that Pixie and Blondie had changed outfits and were both completely covered. Boots, long pants, long sleeve silk shirts, leather gloves and wide brim hats with lace that flowed down covering their faces.

"They look like bee-keepers," he whispered.

"Couture bee-keepers on their way to a horse-racing carnival," Leah agreed.

"Spoken by the two trendsetters who each wore an item of stationary for the last five hours," Blondie sneered.

"It was meant to be cloudy for the whole trip, but it looks like we've got a bit of sun this morning. We came prepared though and the weather will definitely be bad later today and tomorrow," the Pixie said gleefully.

Jacob rolled his eyes. Vampires made everything topsy-turvy. Who got excited about poor weather in a place like Hawaii? They said a hasty goodbye at the airport lounge, confirming the time they had to meet back there the next evening and then rushed as fast as they could in opposite directions.

Jacob let out a long sigh of relief as they sat in the taxi making its way to Rebecca's house. Leah was peering enthusiastically out the window and Jacob found himself enjoying watching her more than anything else.

_He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Leah Clearwater excited._

"We're in Hawaii," she kept repeating, as if she couldn't quite believe it. Jacob grinned and his wolf felt smug. She was still mumbling it to herself as they pulled into Rebecca's driveway.

Rebecca came tearing out the front door while Jacob was still speaking to the taxi driver. She was the mirror image of Rachel but with shorter hair and darker skin that showed she spent much of her time in the sun.

"Leah! Dad said someone was coming with Jake but I didn't realise it was you... you're so tall!" Jacob watched as the two girls hugged and Rebecca jumped up and down enthusiastically. "So where's my little bro-" Rebecca stopped mid sentence and stared at Jacob who had stood up to his full height as the cab drove away.

For a moment he wondered if he had something stuck in his teeth. Then he realised - _he was nothing like what Rebecca had expected_. She remembered a fourteen hear old gangly boy. Not a grown man who looked like a body builder.

"Jake," she whispered disbelievingly. "Jake, is that you?"

"In the flesh," he smiled, doing a small bow. Leah snorted.

"What...how... you're..." Rebecca stumbled for words.

"Growth spurt," he said as if that explained everything. He pulled Rebecca into a tight hug. She hugged him tentatively back.

Jacob felt a twinge of irritation. She was acting like he was a stranger. Rachel had also freaked out when she first came back from college, but it hadn't troubled him in the same way. Maybe because he had seen her just months before and she was rightfully shocked that someone could grow more than six inches in that time. It was different with Rebecca. She hadn't seen him in so long, for all she knew he'd been like this for years. Even if he wasn't a wolf, he'd probably have looked disconcertingly different. He felt a slight tremor in his shoulders.

Jacob looked over to see Leah frowning at Rebecca. "Just keep breathing," she mouthed at him.

Jacob inhaled deeply as he released a clearly troubled Rebecca.

"Seth's the same," Leah said encouragingly, her face not matching her words. "Shot up like a rocket recently. It's a boy thing."

Jacob exhaled. _Why was he so angry?_

Rebecca apologetically informed them that she had to go to a nursing course that she had enrolled in, and that Sol was at work, but that they were both hoping to spend the evening with them. Jacob focussed on drawing even breaths as Leah murmured soothing words. They'd given Rebecca less than twelve hours' notice of their arrival, of course they understood. Rebecca offered them her car if they dropped her off at school and Jacob tossed their bags with more force than was necessary in Rebecca's rusty old convertible so that she wouldn't be late. It was only when they drove away from Rebecca that he felt the tension ease in his chest. He'd wanted to see her so badly, but it physically hurt to realise that she didn't even recognise him.

"Selfish princess but we love her, remember?" Leah said softly. Jacob grunted in reply.

Less than an hour later, Jacob and Leah were sitting on beach towels at Waikiki.

"This place is insane," Leah commented, looking up at the long row of high-rise buildings that flanked the beach. Jacob agreed. He had never really been anywhere that wasn't half a day's drive from La Push unless he counted his recent trip to the wilds of Canada while on four legs. Now he was sitting in the sand surrounded by what seemed like sixty thousand other people outside the Hilton Hotel. To Jacob, who was used to often having First Beach all to himself, it was a little confronting. It was a good thing that the beach was wide. Maybe the weatherman had told all the others what Pixie vamp had told them. If you wanted to get a bit of sunshine anytime in the next few days, this morning was the only chance.

Leah was thumbing through the street directory from Rebecca's car and looking at a stack of pamphlets she'd pinched from the lobby of a nearby hotel. She was chatting animatedly about all the things they could try and see in the two full days they had before they had in Hawaii before they had to go home. She turned to him and gave him that smile, the one he'd seen on Friday morning when they were talking about Harry. Just like the time before, everything faded away as her deep brown eyes twinkled. It was the kind of smile that made you feel instantly buoyant and Jacob had needed the boost.

"I'm glad we came, Jake," she whispered. Jacob beamed at her. They'd proved something to themselves, just by the very act of getting on that plane. _They were still human_, _they could still make choices_. _It wouldn't always be doom and gloom_.

All the things that made them suffer were still waiting for them back home. Jacob was under no illusions about that, but they seemed to have both agreed without ever discussing it that this was a time out. A chance to be normal. The sound of ecstatic vacationers buzzed all around them. Children making sandcastles, people laughing as they jumped up and down in the surf.

_And it was contagious_. He knew that even if all they did was sit on this beach for the whole day, Leah would be having fun.

Jacob's heart swelled with pride. Making people happy had always been a huge part of who he was. He hadn't achieved it in a long time, and now that he had, he realised just how happy it made _him_, and it was compounded by the fact that it was Leah Clearwater who he seemed to have helped.

"Wanna go for a swim?" he asked. The waves were calling to him.

"Nah, she replied. I'm going to have a power nap. Some gigantic oaf was sitting next to me on the plane, literally cramping my style, and I need to recharge," she snarked.

"Right," Jacob said, knowing for once that she wasn't actually angry. "Well that sounds unfortunate, you should really make a complaint to the airline about their lax customer service standards... perhaps ensure you get better seating arrangements for the return flight."

"I'll think on it," she replied playfully. Jacob trundled down to the shoreline. Just before he dove in, he heard Leah's final retort, spoken softly but easily perceived with his wolf senses: "Even when we're thousands of miles in the air, right above the pacific ocean, they can _still_ hear you snoring in forks."

Jacob laughed as he dunked his head under the waves.

He splashed and paddled out past the gated swimming area. For a while he just floated on his back with his eyes closed, feeling the sun on his face. It was peaceful and he could have stayed that way for hours. It was only his stomach that told him that it was time to go back in. He was always_, _always hungry. As he swum to shore, he saw that Leah was awake and talking two three pale men who were gathered around her curiously. Jacob used his paranormal abilities to hone in on the conversation.

"Are you here for the show?" One of the men asked her.

"Show?" She responded bewilderedly.

"Yeah, you're obviously a model but we haven't seen you before. Our collection's part of the showcase. We were all just talking about how great your look is, who's your agent?" The group raked their eyes over Leah's red bikini appreciatively.

Jacob guffawed. Three fashion designers we're trying to pick Leah up – in a professional sense.

"Nah," Leah mumbled. Jacob could _feel_ her embarrassment. I'm just here with my friend. She pointed to the ocean and at that point, Jacob emerged from the breakers. He grinned at Leah as he walked towards them. _There was no way she could talk crap about the way she looked after this_.

The three men turned to him and it seemed that the entire beach was giving him a stupefied look. Jacob had the urge to check his teeth again.

He jogged over to them and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Jacob."

"H-H-Hi," one of the men stammered as they shook. Now that he was closer, Jacob could see just how trendy the three were. With their designer sunglasses and expensive looking bracelets they were male equivalents of Pixie Vamp, save for the small pot bellies on two of the three. The other was rake thin.

"You hungry?" Jacob asked Leah.

"Famished," she replied, tossing their towels into her backpack and pulling on a purple sundress.

They said awkward goodbyes to the fashion trio, after they were _both_ given business cards and a barrage of compliments.

"Don't say it," she warned as they walked into the concrete jungle of resorts and shops.

"Say what?" Jacob feigned ignorance. Leah stuck her tongue out at him.

"Surely you're not referring to the complete strangers who just called you a goddess and asked you to model their clothes? Cos that would make a lesser man say something along the lines of 'I told you so'... lucky for you I'm not anywhere near that petty," Jacob teased.

"Yeah, lucky for me," Leah agreed dryly. "I think you were more their type than me."

"Whatever Lee," Jacob said dismissively. "They're the people who _decide_ what beauty is."

Leah brushed his comments off, but he knew that she was pleased. She wouldn't have believed it from a friend. That was the sort of person she was. Only outsiders could make her see herself differently. Jacob knew it would take more than that one external compliment, but it was a start.

They ate at a small unassuming bar on the main drag. Leah insisted on paying, which Jacob appreciated. Billy had given him a small amount of cash right before they had left – Jacob had spent the last of his own money on the meal at Lucy's. This time she was the one who made sure they each had twice as much food as a human would normally order. Even when they were done, they sat nursing their drinks, watching the people that were passing them by on the busy strip as clouds gathered above them.

"See that guy there?" Leah said mischievously, pointing to a chubby man in his forties who was standing next to an extremely artificial blonde woman with large breasts that bulged out of her unflattering midriff top. "He's gay and he wants to leave his wife for his lover, but he's overwhelmed by the guilt and doesn't know how. He tells himself that this is their last trip together, but really he won't say anything... little does he know that last night she slept with the pool boy at their luxury accommodation."

"I see," Jacob replied, nodded his head with mock seriousness. "See that girl over there?" He asked, pointing towards a girl wearing a black dress with lots of piercings and tattoos. "She was a pageant queen, right up until last year. She killed her boyfriend after he didn't come to one of her shows and moved here and adopted a new persona. She's on the FBI's most wanted list."

They continued that way, making up sordid histories and futures for a dozen or so pedestrians before Jacob was overcome with a wicked idea. He waited until Leah picked a Hawaiian woman. "See that lady?" Leah asked, pointing towards a woman with three small children. "She seems so sweet and wholesome but she runs a prostitution ring. In the underworld they call her 'Momma'".

Jacob felt some of his coke fizz up his nose in anticipation of what he was about to do. "Leah," he gasped. "That's Solomon's auntie. She's family. _How_ _could you_?"

Leah's eyes widened in horror. "Oh! No Jake, it's just a game, I didn't mean it really." Her cheeks reddened. Jacob made a disapproving "Tsk tsk" sound and bowed his head so that Leah wouldn't see the laughter in his eyes. _He would tell her the truth... one day_.

They were distracted by a man walking past them who took such a long look at Leah that he walked into Solomon's not-really auntie.

"Seriously Clearwater, you're like a hazard or something," Jacob quipped.

"Shut up!" She said, punching his shoulder. "It's a crowded beach. Everyone's looking at everyone. All the people we just used as story-fodder probably think we're into them... It doesn't mean anything."

"Bullshit Leah. The only thing stopping you from dating is you. _And you know it_. Why are you scared, huh? Grab a blond surfer and make an honest man out of him," Jacob prodded. He got a strange feeling in his stomach when he spoke the words and he wondered what that was all about. Maybe he'd eaten his meals too quickly.

"Jake," she said disapprovingly. "You know why I don't date. It's the same reason none of the unimprinted wolves do."

Jacob scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't date because Bella hadn't wanted him. "Clue me in."

Leah frowned at him. "Let's not do this now."

Jacob almost gave in, but the curiosity was unbearable. "No time like the present Leah... clearly there is some fundamental issue that I've apparently never considered..."

"What... you've never considered imprinting?"

"What about it?" Jacob enquired.

"What if I date some random guy and it actually goes well? We become serious. It's peachy. Then I imprint. Wham. Bam. I forget the guy I chose and treat him like garbage. He feels like shit and it's _all my fault_. I know that pain Jake. I'm not doing it to someone else."

Jacob stared at Leah. It was humbling to see that she cared enough about hurting a fictional person not to let herself get close to anyone. He'd never even thought about that with Bella. He'd felt sure it wouldn't happen. Then again, he'd been in love with her long before he phased. He'd never had the option of keeping himself at a distance.

"Leah... there are a lot of steps between meeting someone and having a serious relationship. Maybe you could still try... something?" Jacob felt strange about what he was suggesting and he wasn't at all surprised when Leah threw her fork at him. He caught it just in front of his eye.

"Jake, you do know that everyone on the Rez thinks I'm a gigantic slut who's banging the entire pack, right? How am I going to help myself by actually having a string of short term relationships?" Jacob frowned. He'd very much hoped when Seth and Embry had told him about those rumours that Leah was unaware of them. As usual, luck was not on her side. "Besides", she continued, "How am I supposed to have a relationship with anyone when my body temperature suggests I have cholera and I spend all my time running around naked in the forest with a bunch of guys? I'd be unreliable, and constantly lying to someone. That wouldn't make me happy."

Jacob realised that he'd stepped into a landmine. Leah had thought about this much more than he ever had. Unfortunately, Jacob was bound by another friendship, the most important one in his life, to make the other obvious suggestion. "What about Embry? You wouldn't have to lie with him, and he wouldn't hate you if you imprinted. He'd understand."

"I don't feel that way about _Embry_," she yelled, "and even if I _did_ you're missing the obvious fucking point. _He_ might imprint and I am _done_ with that. I'm done until I imprint. It's not the way I want it, but that's how it is. This. Conversation. Is. Over." With that she pushed up out of her chair and stormed off down towards the beach.

Jacob ran after her. "Lee, I'm sorry," he called.

She ignored him. Never in his life had he felt he deserved it as much as he did now. He easily caught up to her. He was so unusually large that crowds always parted for him like the Red Sea. He began jogging backwards so that he could see her.

"Come on Lee, we're gonna try running meditation now, right? No time like the present."

"Fuck you, Black," she snarled.

He kept jogging. "Gonna be hard seeing as you're committed to life as a nun, Clearwater."

She probably would have slapped him if not for the fact that he was still jogging backwards and he crossed right into the road without even realising it.

"Jake!" Leah shrieked, reaching out to grab him before he was hit by a car. She pulled him out of the way and he wasted no time wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," he murmured over and over, hugging her on the side of the curb. He felt the tension ease from her limbs. His wolf told him she would forgive him.

_She always forgave him_.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he breathed into her ear, pulling her tighter.

She sighed and pulled away. "Let's not ruin an otherwise good day... okay? But no more matchmaking Jake. I mean it."

He didn't doubt it. He'd crossed a line somewhere. Touched a fragile nerve. He didn't want that to be what she remembered of their trip. They walked back towards the Hilton. One of Leah's pamphlets had said that you could walk from one end of the beaches at Waikiki to the other in ninety minutes. They were going to run there and back in less than that. They started by taking a hundred breaths. It seemed to work for them before. Then they ran along the shore in the hardened sand, just out of the reach of the waves. Jacob knew what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to think of his body and his surroundings, to focus on the things outside of him, rather than the things within.

It wasn't working very well.

Leah seemed to master it instantly. Her eyes glazed over and she set a demanding pace. Jacob followed after her. He didn't find it hard to keep up, but he found it hard not to notice... _Leah_. Maybe it was just because he knew he'd come dangerously close to her leaving him in the middle of the road, but he had kept looking over at her to make sure she was okay. Once he knew that she was, he just kept looking anyway... at her boobs.

He'd never gone running as a human with Leah before. So he'd never really noticed that she had a set of bouncing mountains attached to her chest.

_It's okay, you're a guy_, he told himself. It wasn't like he'd never snuck a peek before. _Other than Seth, they all had_. It had been one of the most disruptive things to ever happen to the pack. Not only was Sam's ex suddenly among them, but the nudity that they had had been annoying before was now...uncomfortable. They had all seen her and she had seen all of them. It was tit for tat. Nobody liked a girl seeing their tat. Sam was especially peeved. So they all worked hard not to look, except that sometimes, when Leah wasn't mouthing off, looking was sort of instinctual and unavoidable (as long as Sam or Seth didn't catch you doing it). It was these thoughts that kept Jacob occupied while he was running, and he gave himself a stern talking to.

_Focus_.

It must have worked. At some point his mind drifted off from less noble thoughts and found refuge. He felt the sand between his toes. He felt the warm air and the ominous storm clouds. At one point the sand faded out and he felt hot concrete under his toes as he bounded up a set of stairs and a walkway. He left behind the pain of Bella, the guilt of hurting Leah, the frustration that Rebecca didn't know him and worse that he felt so utterly distanced from her.

_And he ran. _

He felt his legs and arms. Felt the pain that still coursed in his neck but eased with each day. Heard his breathing. Everything was rhythmic. His body was on autopilot but at the same time it had never been more alert. A brief flicker of awareness flashed through him when they reached the end of the run and turned back around, but as soon as he did, he lapsed back into the steady thrum of their running. He was absorbed by the feel of his feet striking the ground. His heartbeat synchronised to his footfall.

When they were outside the Hilton again, he almost turned to repeat the process until Leah tugged at his arm.

"We did it," she squealed. "You totally looked like a robot! The lights are on but nobody's home."

_Only Leah would be excited by that_.

Satisfied that they'd completed their homework, and realising that it was only early afternoon, Leah ordered Jacob back to the car so that they could make a quick trip around the island before they picked Rebecca up from class. They did a loop, briefly stopping at various places with Leah narrating from the pamphlets and street directory. Volcanoes, beaches, it was all beautiful and amazing and he didn't really mind where they drove because she seemed so pleased by everything. It was a different Leah. One he'd never seen before. Whatever CD Rebecca had in the car, Leah declared track one the theme song of their trip and put it on endless repeat as they made their journey. Jacob asked her if she wanted to listen to the rest of the songs, seeing as she was so keen on the first one. She shook her head at him as if he were a little bit slow. She liked that one. They were listening to that one. _Over and over_. It was so catchy Jacob suspected he'd be singing it for days. Jacob knew that he would forever associate that song with Leah laughing, standing up in the convertible and raising her arms as high as she could and swaying them as she shouted to the world that she was free.

For a short while she was just Leah. Not a wolf or someone's ex girlfriend, but the girl with the wild heart. Jacob and his wolf purred in contentment, knowing that this was a rare glimpse into something more magical than shape-shifting or superpowers. He didn't want the drive to end.

By the time they picked up Rebecca, she seemed to have recovered from her initial shock and greeted them both with large hugs, although he caught the surprise as she took in Jacob's shirtless form (at least she had the sense this time not to say anything). "Sol's cooking," she told them. "The surf school closed a bit early once the weather turned."

Leah and Rebecca chatted agreeably in the drive back to the small house that she shared with her husband and Jacob was content to listen from the backseat. Now that the hurry of the morning had passed, Jacob was able to see what a lovely home it was. A blue structure on a block sloping upwards, nestled next to a patch of parkland, with a wrap around verandah. When he reached the top steps he could see that it offered panorama of the ocean. It was obvious why his artistic sister loved it here. It was cosy inside. The front room was a small lounge with two couches facing one another. Sol greeted them with a tea towel thrown lazily over his shoulder. Like Rebecca, his eyes shot up in surprise when he saw Jacob, although he remained friendly and extended his hand.

"Wow, you're hot," he exclaimed as they touched.

"Sol!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"No feel his skin. He's sick!" Solomon said hastily. "Leah too," he added as he clasped her palm.

Rebecca placed her hand on Jacob's brow. "Shit! He's right. We have to get you both to a doctor!"

Jacob gave Leah a helpless look. Their usual response – that everyone ran a little hotter on the rez – wasn't going to work on Rebecca.

"It's all the adrenalin from the sight-seeing," Leah interjected without missing a beat. "We're fine really." Rebecca and Solomon looked at them doubtfully but it was true that they both looked the picture of health.

"So where should I chuck my crap?" Leah added. Jacob winked at her, distracting them was a good idea.

"The spare room's in there, Leah. Jake can take the couch."

Jacob nodded agreeably although he knew that he would never sleep on that tiny thing. It didn't matter though. He could sleep on the floor. As if she was reading his mind, Leah shook her head at them. "Jake, you take the bed. You don't want to risk your neck," she warned him.

"What's wrong with his neck?" Rebecca asked.

"Nothing," Jacob and Leah said in unison.

"Just a cramp," Jacob added.

"Didn't you guys all grow up together?" Solomon piped up. "You're like family, right? Can't you just share?"

Jacob stared at Leah uncomfortably. He wasn't sure why that seemed like a weird solution. "I guess," he said uncertainly.

"Whatever," Leah said waving her hand. "Let's get this dinner on the road. I'm _hungry_."

Dinner passed uneventfully. Sol was actually a reasonable cook and as they ate, Jacob found himself loosening his grip on the anger that he had held in his heart for his sister. There was a large print in the lounge of the last family portrait taken before their mother died, and it mollified Jacob to know that she must at least look at it every day. She hadn't forgotten them. They were together now and she was sharing her life with them. More importantly, she was reminiscing with Leah about people they had known as children. Rebecca was a year and a half older than Leah, but they'd played together all their lives. The fact that she knew everything about their history, but nothing about their current woes, made her the perfect dinner companion. She had plenty to ask them about, but it didn't venture into weird supernatural dilemmas.

Until she asked that one obvious question that Jacob hadn't imagined that she would ask with him and Sol right there.

"So what happened with Sam, Leah? I thought that I'd be coming back for _your_ wedding sometime soon and instead Rachel told me that you guys split and that he married your cousin. What's with that?"

Jacob gaped at Rebecca. Leah's lower lip trembled.

"Can it Becca, this is off limits," Jacob hissed.

"So you're not okay with it?" Rebecca demanded, ignoring Jacob and turning her body towards Leah. "Why were you a bridesmaid then? Are you nuts? Why would you do that to yourself? Didn't someone run the little tramp of the rez?"

Leah jumped up and he could see the muscles rippling under her flesh. He reached out to try and calm her, but she shrugged him off and ran for the back door. Rebecca and Solomon strained their necks watching her go before turning their attention back to Jacob. He could feel the exact moment that Leah reached the trees at the edge of the yard, yanked off her dress and phased. He wanted to run after her, but he knew that he needed to stay and make sure that Rebecca and Solomon didn't accidentally peek out their back door and sight a wolf the size of a horse.

"It's complicated," he informed them. He wasn't telling them anything more, that was Leah's decision.

"I'll go talk to her," Rebecca muttered.

"No," Jacob said firmly. "Let her be alone. She'll come back when she's ready. You pushed her too far." His tone was so authoritative that Rebecca and Solomon immediately agreed without questioning him.

They gathered in the lounge and played boggle until Sol began to yawn. He got up at dawn to catch the best waves and he turned in early, pressing a kiss to Rebecca's cheek and squeezing Jacob's shoulder. Then it was just Jacob and Rebecca.

_And he didn't know what to say_.

They waited in silence, playing round after round of the game. Eventually Rebecca caved.

"I really put my foot in it, but I don't understand why... she was a bridesmaid, there must be some level of acceptance..."

"Things aren't always what they seem Rebecca."

"You're both being very mysterious," Rebecca complained. "And absolutely nothing you guys say makes sense!"

Jacob shrugged. "It's difficult to provide years of history in one night. I'm not surprised it seems confusing, but the wedding was only two days ago. Have you stopped to think about why she might have needed a break from being on the Rez?"

Rebecca had the good sense to flush with embarrassment. "I didn't realise the wedding was that recent... what can I do?"

Jacob paused. What could she do? Probably nothing. If there was something that could be done he would have done it for Leah already himself. Then he remembered the conversation on the plane.

"Skip class tomorrow. Take her out. Get a haircut with her – she hates her hair- or whatever. _Be a friend_. Make her feel good about herself."

Rebecca thought about it. "I can miss the morning, but I'm graded on some of the work I have to do in the afternoon. What will you do?"

Jacob thought about it. Maybe he would just sleep and eat all morning. That would probably make it the best holiday ever. "I might wander down to the surf school to see Sol if you give me the address."

Rebecca seemed to think that was a fantastic idea. When Leah returned she gave her a soft brief apology before bidding them both goodnight.

He waited until they were both in pyjamas lying in the queen sized bed that could barely hold both of them before he spoke to her.

"You holding up, chica?" He murmured, turning on his side to face her and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

She nodded, staring at the ceiling. "Her reaction was the normal one you know. The indignant response that I always wanted all the people closest to me to have. _The one I had_. But Mom and Dad knew about the wolf stuff so they were always trying to get me to be more understanding. Seth hated Sam, but it wasn't enough...I wish Becca had been there to say that months ago..." She trailed off.

Jacob wished Becca had come back to the rez too. As much as he hated the way she ditched them, he would forgive it all if she made her way home.

"I'm sorry I didn't come around and say it... when you needed it." Jacob finally responded. He was more sorry for what had happened to Leah than he would ever know how to express.

"It's okay Jake," Leah said sleepily. "We weren't even close at the time... besides, I could never claim that _you_ haven't done enough".

She was asleep before Jacob could ask her anything further, although his mind danced around her words, repeating them over and over for a long time.

~~~Bab~~~

Jacob stirred several hours later. The first rays of daylight were creeping through the window opposite him. His arms were wrapped tightly around Leah and her back was pressed up against him. He didn't have time to wonder how they had gotten like that, because he could hear Solomon speaking frantically to Rebecca in their room.

"Call animal control, call the police. We have to call someone. I just went out back and something...bigfoot or King Kong or a giant bear was here. _There are enormous prints all over the back yard!_"

* * *

_Review if you like_


	8. Blue Lagoon

**8. Blue Lagoon**

Leah bit her lip in frustration. She wasn't one to sit idly by and miss out on action, but that was exactly what she found herself doing the morning that Sol found her prints all over his backyard.

_She'd fucked up big time_.

Jacob had been half way out the door by the time that Sol's screeching had roused her from her deep slumber. He'd used _that voice_ – the one that seemed to be able to chain people to his will - and told them that they should wait while he "checked out the situation". Leah wrinkled her nose in annoyance at the thought. She knew he wasn't checking anything out. _He was cleaning up her mess_.

She perched on the small sofas in the lounge room with Rebecca and Sol. Both were visibly stressed, particularly Sol who seemed to think that Jacob was on a life-threatening mission. Leah had tried to point out that Jacob was such a giant that he was, in all likelihood, far bigger than bigfoot could ever hope to be. Sol did not appear comforted.

Leah listened to the sound of the light rain falling against the rooftop of the small house. _At least wet weather would make Jacob's job easier_. She hated this. She hated that she had made a mess in the first place and that anyone had witnessed it, let alone been put in a position where they had to take care of it for her. She wondered what he would say to her when she got back. Sam usually lectured her directly for her various infractions and then doled out punishment. It was how she'd been put on indefinite double patrols. As second in command and the only person who knew about this behaviour, Jacob would most likely feel compelled to take some action against her. She hunched her shoulders anxiously at the thought. As strange it was to admit, even if only to herself, he was her only friend. She didn't want him to be disappointed in her, or even worse; angry.

Listening to Sol as he called the Police and the Humane Society only added to her humiliation. Luckily both seemed bored and amused as he reported a "possible bigfoot sighting". While they took down his details, she overheard each asking him how much he'd had to drink the night before. That had only served to make Sol more agitated and in turn sound more unreasonable. He'd looked like he was about to explode when the lady from the Humane Society asked him if he'd been watching scary movies.

Jacob had returned an hour later, soaked through and with a drawn out look on his face. Rebecca and Sol viewed him expectantly. He threw up his hands in exasperation.

"I couldn't see anything other than a few normal sized looking dog prints," he said evenly. "The rain has muddied everything, but if bigfoot was here, I think we'd know about it."

Sol stared at him in disbelief. "I know what I saw, Jacob. Maybe you weren't looking in the right place."

"Maybe," Jacob agreed, "Or maybe you saw a few prints layered over one another that tricked you... it's not a big deal Sol, mistakes happen."

The undeniable outrage on Sol's face was almost frightening. Rebecca jumped in before he and Jacob had a chance to continue. "Sol baby, we've done all we can now. You don't want to be any later for work do you?" Sol had muttered something under his breath before storming out of the house with his surfboard. Rebecca waited until he was out of earshot before addressing Jacob. "What gives little brother?" She asked him coolly.

"What do you mean, Rebecca?" Jacob replied as he rummaged around the kitchen, turning on the kettle and dripping a trail of water across the floor.

"I mean that even though I don't think that bigfoot exists or resides on Oahu, you lied just now." Jacob raised his eyebrows at his sister, but didn't say anything. Rebecca scowled. "Don't play cute with me Jacob Ephraim Black. I've known you your whole life, and if there's one thing that hasn't changed, it's that you raise your ears slightly when you're fibbing. I saw you do it every time we asked you who cleared out the cookie jar and you denied it was you, and I saw you do it just now...So, I'm only going to ask you one more time. _What's going on_?"

Leah watched as Jacob and Rebecca glared at each other in silence. Finally, Jacob twisted his mouth into a cruel smirk. "You don't know me at all Rebecca, and if my ears wiggled it's because they – much like the rest of me – are sopping wet and cold. I'm going to have a shower." He strode of towards the bathroom and Rebecca winced as the door slammed.

Leah seized her chance to distract her. "What time do you need to be at class? Is it okay if we borrow your car again?"

Rebecca turned to her with a befuddled expression. "I, umm... oh! I was going to ditch this morning. I thought you and I could just hang out? Jake said he wanted to check out Sol's surf school and as long as I make it to my afternoon classes I should be okay."

Leah grinned. Finally Rebecca had given some indication that she actually _wanted_ to spend time with her. The two chatted agreeably over breakfast about what they could do with their morning together and it was only when Rebecca went to get changed that Leah remembered that Jacob was probably waiting for her in their room. Readying herself for the inevitable conflict, she squared her shoulders and marched in holding her head high.

He was sitting shirtless on the bed in a pair of denim cut-offs drying his hair. He smiled at her from under the folds of Egyptian cotton and she was instantly disarmed.

_He didn't look mad_.

"I scented your trail and removed any visible prints," he whispered softly. "Anything happen back here that I need to know about?"

"Just Sol calling the cops and others and getting asked if he was high or crazy," Leah said cautiously.

Jacob nodded. "It doesn't matter. They won't find anything even if they decide to check it out."

Leah waited expectantly for Jacob to scold her. It was unbearable. She just wanted him to get it over with. "Spit it out Jacob so I can get changed and get on with the day," she snapped.

Jacob eyed her with confusion. "What are you talking about?" He asked warily.

"Just tell me what a hopeless piece of crap I am for exposing the secret and how you saved my ass... or are you waiting to tell Sam so that he can do that... and punish me?"

Jacob's eyes flashed and he jumped up and walked away from her towards the window. He clutched at its wooden frame and the muscles in his forearms rippled. _Crap. He was angry now, even if he hadn't been before_. She heard him take a deep breath, but when he turned to her he spoke calmly.

**"**Punishment is for people that need to understand that their actions have consequences. You already get that Lee, so what would be the point? If I know you, you sat here the whole time I was gone tearing strips off yourself. _I wish you'd let me help you_ avoid involuntary phasing, the way you've helped me over and over in the last few days, but as far as I'm concerned this is none of Sam's or anyone else's business. You haven't done anything wrong – and it's fixed anyway. Case closed." He flicked his wrist as if to slam an imaginary gavel.

Leah stared at Jacob uncomprehendingly. He couldn't possibly be letting her off that easy. She waited for the inevitable "but" to come.

It didn't.

He stood there patiently, returning her gaze. When Leah realised he was being serious she felt a wave of gratitude that she didn't know how to express, so she did something that surprised even her. She closed the distance between them, stood up on tip toes, brought her arms around his neck and hugged him. Leah couldn't remember the last time she had hugged someone of her own accord. For a long time no one had _wanted_ to hug her and she had gotten used to it and even told herself that she preferred it that way. It had been a shock to her when Jacob had hugged her after Sam's wedding and in the forest and yesterday, but she knew that that was his personality. He was a touchy-feely person.

She wasn't - or at least she wasn't after Sam had left her - but she wanted to make Jacob see that she appreciated him in a way that would mean something to him. For half a second, Jacob froze in surprise, but he soon wrapped his arms around her waist, rubbing small circles up and down her back.

"It's okay Lee, nothing to worry about," he soothed. "We're on holiday and _nothing_ is going to stop us from having a good time."

"Thank you," she mumbled, pressing herself closer to him. Usually she felt so large but around Jacob she felt small, like a girl. She let out a soft sigh – almost a purr – of satisfaction. Jacob smelled _good_. Like rain and sandalwood. He rested his chin on her shoulder and his hands continued their journey down her back. Leah felt a current shoot through her as his fingers reached the bare skin between her singlet and her low hanging pyjama bottoms. She shivered in surprise. Jacob brought his palms to her hips, pulling his head back so they were face to face.

"Are you cold?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, blinking at him uncertainly. There was a harshness to his face, the long strong jaw that jutted out made him look far older than a teenager, but it was impossible to deny the genuine warmth and concern in his eyes. He brushed his thumb along her cheek. "Better rug up before you head off with Becca. She's suspicious enough as it is. Can you pick me back up here at around two o'clock?"

Leah nodded dumbly. She watched as Jacob sauntered off towards the kitchen to, as he put it: "eat half his body weight in toast." Even after she dressed and she and Rebecca were driving down the highway, she could still feel the tiny hairs at the back of her neck standing on end.

~~~BaB~~~

"It was just static electricity" Leah said out loud.

"What?" Rebecca asked her.

They were sitting side by side at Rebecca's hairdresser and Leah was still trying to understand the disconcerting moment she had shared with Jacob earlier that morning.

"Nothing," Leah responded. She watched as fast paced scissors flew around her head. On reflection, she suspected that Jacob had been behind Rebecca's decision to get manicures, pedicures and haircuts. More than suspected, she _knew_ it. He was the only person she had confessed her fears about her appearance to, and it seemed altogether too convenient that Rebecca had suddenly suggested a morning of pampering given the drizzly state of the weather. For a second she had felt a surge of outrage. _Who did he think he was trying to organise her_? The moment was short lived. It occurred to Leah that Jacob was giving up his own time with the sister he never saw so that she could be happy. It was hard to feel mad when she thought about it like that, particularly because the morning had actually been a lot of fun. The Day Spa where they'd had their fingers and toes preened had massage chairs and Leah felt like she was floating by the time she left, sporting crimson nails. When they arrived at a salon that Rebecca swore by, Leah found herself fishing out the picture that the Pixie Vamp had given her – it wasn't like she had any other ideas anyway. Her hairdresser was a hilarious and flamboyant large Hawaiian man named Keoni who sported a hairdo that was closely cropped at the black but involved a long violet fringe that hung over his brow. Leah assumed that it was meant to be fashionable, although she couldn't help but thinking how peculiar it looked. Keoni had squealed with anticipation when he saw Leah and the proposed hairstyle. If she was honest with herself, he was far more excited than she was. Leah felt that it was highly unlikely that anything would ever make her feel quite the way her long locks used to. She knew they weren't practical for a werewolf – even now she was shaggier than the rest of the pack - but other girls got to be impractical and she envied them. She closed her eyes so she couldn't see the strands of hair falling around her. On some vain level she couldn't bear the idea of losing any more.

"So does Jake have a girlfriend, Leah?" Rebecca enquired. Leah's eyes snapped open and darted over to Rebecca who was flicking casually through a gossip magazine.

"Umm... he's kind of spent most of the past six months mooning over Bella Swan," Leah replied.

"Rachel mentioned that... but I thought Bella got engaged to a guy in Forks? The son of a rich doctor?" Rebecca watched Leah via the mirrors in front of them. "We played with Bella as a kid. She always seemed like a bit of a whiner to me."

Leah snorted. "That's the one – and she got married almost two weeks ago. I've never met a more self involved selfish little bitch," _and that's saying something, _Leah added in her head. She knew that she and Rebecca were not low maintenance by anyone's standards.

"Rachel hates her too," Rebecca said thoughtfully. "Seems a bit unfair that everyone holds her responsible for choosing someone other than Jake... I mean I don't doubt he's better than the rich kid but the heart wants what it wants," Rebecca mused.

"Ugh... you didn't see it. She put Jake through the wringer, telling him she loved him, kissing him on mountain tops while engaged to the leech. It was awful. He's completely fucked in the head because of it!" Leah felt her voice rising. Whenever she thought about Bella her wolf went crazy with a feral desire to claw the girl's eyes out.

"The leech?" Rebecca queried.

"Oh. Um.. that's my nickname for her husband... Edward Cullen – because he just seemed to suck the life right out of her and mould her into a total Mary-Sue. To the extent that she wasn't one already," Leah improvised.

"Right," Rebecca said with her eyebrows furrowed. Rebecca chewed on her bottom lip. "She kissed him when she was _engaged_?"

"What a slut." Keoni interjected, shaking his purple forehead in disapproval.

"Yeah, she's a total punish," Leah mumbled. She still hadn't gotten over the weird nightmares she'd had about Bella herself after that incident. Jacob's thoughts about Bella were so intense that half the pack had had wet dreams about her.

"Jake's sixteen. He'll get over it," Rebecca said cheerfully.

"Seventeen in a week or so," Leah corrected her absentmindedly, "Honestly, I'm not sure he will. He doesn't see anyone else. He never has. She haunts him. Even when he seems like he's coping, she's never out of his heart or thoughts. She's everything he wants and can't have," _she's his Sam_, she added mentally.*

"You guys are close, huh? For him to tell you all that stuff?" Rebecca had abandoned the magazine now and was looking at Leah with interest.

"Sometimes it's like I can read his mind," Leah said dryly.

"So help him. Take him out. Introduce him to some people. Look at the boy – surely girls will just throw themselves at him?" Rebecca giggled. "I'm not suggesting we turn him into a man-whore, but there's no reason for Jake to be lonely."

"Becca, you've been holding out on me." Keoni complained. "Show me a picture."

Rebecca fumbled with her phone until she found a photo she had taken last night of Jacob and Sol in the kitchen. Jacob was shirtless and was clearly laughing at something Rebecca had said. Keoni's jaw dropped and his scissors clattered to the floor.

"What's up, K?" The girl cutting Rebecca's hair asked him.

Keoni's mouth flapped open and shut but no sound came out. He pointed at Rebecca's phone. "Did you see...?" He managed to whisper.

The girl glanced over casually, but within seconds she too was agape. "Hot guy emergency!" Keoni declared loudly. That must have been an understood term in the salon because all the staff seemed to automatically stop what they were doing and crowd around while Keoni scrolled through the pictures on Rebecca's phone.

Leah began to feel annoyed although she couldn't place why. She knew that Jacob was gorgeous, but it was disconcerting to see the effect that his mere picture had on humans. Rebecca seemed equally uncomfortable. "Okay, Keoni, yes my brother is good looking," Rebecca said. "Can we move on?"

"Good looking?" Keoni exclaimed disbelievingly. "_I'm_ good looking. That man is a hunka hunka burning love! Call him. Get him down here right now!"

"He's busy, Keoni," Rebecca said good naturedly. "And straight," she added.

"He's young. He's bound to experiment. I volunteer my services in the name of his awakening," Keoni said seriously.

"I'll pass that on." Rebecca replied in a firm voice that indicated that Keoni's involvement in the discussion was closed. She turned to Leah. "See, it should be easy to find him a date."

"I wouldn't hold your breath," Leah warned. "Jake carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Dating floosies seems to be the last thing on his mind." Leah's wolf made a small yip of approval and she cocked her head to one side in surprise.

Rebecca raised an eyebrow but decided against whatever she'd been about to say. "I'm sure once he gets to college he'll cut loose," she said.

Leah barked a harsh laugh. "Jake's not going to college, Becca."

"What do you mean?" Rebecca asked. "He's always been a decent student. What else would he do once he finishes school?"

Leah bristled. She _hated_ that Rebecca knew so little about all their lives, but it made her absolutely furious that Rebecca hadn't given a single thought to the obvious non-werewolf reason that Jake was never going to leave La Push. "He has to stay home and take care of your father." She said curtly.

"A family man," Keoni mumbled under his breath. "He just gets better and better."

Rebecca frowned awkwardly. "Oh, well... he's got two whole years of school left and Rachel seems to be pretty serious about Paul Lahote... sounds like they'll be around when the time comes."

Leah busied herself looking at her now perfectly painted fingernails. "Maybe, maybe not" she murmured. "Rach pretty much lives with Paul, but someone needs to live with Billy."

"And you think it should be me?" Rebecca queried, the tension between the two girls rising.

"I don't think anything." Leah lied. "I'm just making an observation about one of the reasons Jake might not be interested in college. I'm not judging you."

"I am," Keoni muttered. "All of that beautiful man meat just hidden from the world. It's a crime."

"Honestly Leah," Rebecca snapped, ignoring Keoni. "It sounds like you have something to say, so just say it."

Leah bit her lip. _She had tried to be civil, she really had_, but she wasn't one to beat around the bush and her wolf was snarling at her to _do something_.

"Okay Rebecca," Leah retorted. "I'm gonna give it to you straight. You're a good friend - when you're around - the sort of person that I wouldn't hesitate to call if I felt the urge to sneak into a concert or go clubbing... and apart from totally ignoring me when my father died, I don't have a problem with you. All this-" she said, waving her arms around the salon "-is fun... but let's be serious. You're a _rotten_ sister to Jacob. You don't know the first thing about him or his life and you don't care either. You're never coming back to the rez, and you've never thought about who's gonna look after Billy long term, save for hightailing it so it wouldn't be you. Everyone knows it and they've all accepted it. Jacob loves you anyway because that's who he is. In the end you're the one missing out, because you only get one Dad. One day he'll be gone and you'll wish you spent more time with him. I wish that every day and I lived with my father right up until his last day on earth." Leah paused. Her eyes were watering and she fought back the urge to cry. "It's your loss," she finished.

Rebecca gaped at her. Before they could descend into an all-out fight, each of them was pronounced "finished" by the hairdresser cutting their hair. Leah stared at herself in the mirror. She looked _good_. Soft layers had been cut so that her hair puffed out and accentuated her high cheekbones and slim neck. It was stylish and feminine. _And better than anything she ever would have come up with herself_.

Rebecca was also stunning, her long curls stretching dreamily across her shoulders and back, but the look was marred by the unhappy grimace on her face. The two girls paid for their haircuts and stood awkwardly outside the salon, sheltering their hair from the rain with their jackets. They'd initially planned to go to lunch but the haircuts had taken much longer than she'd expected and Leah wasn't sure that that was a good idea anyway. She didn't regret what she'd said to Rebecca, but that didn't make the situation any easier.

"So, I'll just catch a cab back so your place so I can meet up with Jake," Leah decided, already walking towards the road. She spotted a taxi and began waving her arms frantically.

"Leah, wait!" Rebecca called. Leah exhaled heavily. She turned to face Rebecca and heard the cab zoom past, honking at her in annoyance. "Take my car and we'll catch up after I finish class okay? I don't agree with heaps of what you said, but you're the only friend who's ever come to visit me the whole time I've been gone... and I'm really, really sorry I didn't call you when Harry died. I thought about it. Honestly I did, but it just made me think about my mother and I didn't know what to say... I'm much better on a canvas than I am over the telephone," she confessed.

Leah stared at Rebecca as she dangled the keys from her hand. Her eyes, _Jacob's eyes_, gazed back at her, impossibly sincere.

"Okay," Leah said, not quite sure that it was.

She drove back to the North Shore in a daze. When she arrived she didn't even bother going inside, but instead went to the side of the house that faced the ocean and leaned against the wrap around veranda, gazing out to sea. It had been a strange trip.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear Jacob approach her. He brought his arms around to the railing so that they rested on either side of hers. He wasn't touching her, but his figure created a frame around her own. She was again reminded of how huge he was, and how small she must be in comparison.

"A penny for your thoughts," he whispered into her ear.

Leah sighed. "I was just thinking that even though I ruin most things, this trip included, I don't want to go home."

Jacob rested his chin on her shoulder. Cheek to cheek they stared out into the expanse of the Pacific Ocean. "You haven't ruined the trip Leah. I wandered down to the surf school and I was there when Sol got a call back from the Police and the animal people. They all think he was on some crazy bender."

Leah smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks, but that's not what I mean. Everything should have been perfect with Rebecca, but I ended up totally ripping into her... Even when I don't plan to be, I'm mean Jacob. I really am a nasty bitch."

"What happened?" Jacob asked.

Leah recapped her conversation with Rebecca, leaving out the bits that related to Bella and Keoni volunteering to provide Jacob with a sexual awakening. Her voice shook a little when she got to the bit about Harry and Jacob pulled closer to her, resting his forearms under her own and clasping at her hands.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"What for?" Leah asked.

"For saying things to Rebecca that needed to be said, but that I wasn't going to," Jacob replied. "For standing up for me. You didn't have to and it obviously wasn't a very pleasant experience."

Leah wondered why Jacob always saw her behaviour in the best possible light. She didn't deserve it. "I could have been less rude."

"Maybe," he laughed. "But compared to some of the other stuff you've said, this seems fairly tame."

Leah groaned. "That just makes it worse!"

Jacob pursed his lips. Leah knew he was trying not to smirk. "What are you really worried about Lee?"

Leah paused for a moment. "I'm worried that Rebecca will hate me, and that I've been a crappy house guest. I'm also worried that she has every right to hate me. I'm not always a very nice person."

"Okay," Jacob said. "So my question is - so what?"

"Huh?" Leah asked.

"So what if Rebecca hates you? I don't think she does, but what's the worst thing that could happen if a girl who never calls you and lives in Hawaii doesn't consider you to be her BFF?"

Leah thought about it. When Jacob put it like that it didn't seem like a big deal at all.

Jacob interpreted her silence as agreement. "So can we get back to the main order of business here?" He asked. Leah suddenly felt a bit silly prattling on about the tiff with Rebecca. They had planned to try meditating while phased this afternoon. It was the last step to make sure that their thoughts really were protected from the invasive pack mentality.

"Sure," Leah replied quickly. "Assuming you're sure that your neck is fully healed, I've thought of a place we could go. The weather should ensure that no one will be hiking anywhere but-"

Jacob cut her off before she could finish, "That's great Leah, but I meant can I please see your haircut? You must be the only chick in the world who wouldn't see that as the priority." He stepped back and tapped his foot expectantly.

Leah blushed and turned around so Jacob could see her hair. She waited for him to tease her or say something inappropriate.

_He didn't._

Instead he just looked at her. Open mouthed and eyes bugging out of his head. It made her uncomfortable. Perhaps it wasn't as good a look as she thought.

"Is it ridiculous?" She asked nervously. "I thought they did an okay job."

Jacob recovered himself. "It's... amazing. _You look amazing._"

Leah balked at the compliment, but she allowed Jacob to talk her into twirling in a circle to show off the cut. He then convinced her to flick her hair over her shoulder in mock imitation of a shampoo commercial. By the time she had finished they were both clutching their sides with jubilant laughter.

They set off towards the rainforest that Leah had picked out on the eastern side of the island. Leah immediately claimed the driver's side of the car and set the stereo to "repeat" so she could listen to her new theme song in perpetuity.

Jacob cocked his head and smirked.

"What?" Leah asked, keeping her attention on the highway. "When you find a good thing, you stick with it." Eventually she'd get around to listening to the other songs on the CD.

"It's not that," Jacob said seriously. "It's just nice to see someone enjoying music for a change." A strange shadow passed across his face.

"Bella didn't like music?" Leah guessed.

"No..." Jacob answered, deep in thought. "I think she loved music actually, but when Edward was gone she didn't want to hear it. It was like the things that a person should normally be able to enjoy made her more fragile and reminded her of him. She clawed the stereo out of the truck and went a little crazy once when I tried playing the radio in the garage. I know she's over it now - there was plenty of music at her wedding - but I've gotten into the habit of living without it."

Leah frowned. She couldn't imagine life without music. What's more, she remembered from Sam's wedding just how much Jacob seemed to enjoy singing along to the classics. No wonder he wasn't the same happy go lucky person she remembered from her childhood. Bella had systematically stripped away the things that Jacob would ordinarily take pleasure in.

Leah flicked off the repeat button, suddenly wanting Jacob to listen to as many different songs as he could. Jacob leaned over and ejected the disk.

"Hey," she objected, reaching out to swat his hands away.

"Eyes on the road," Jacob replied. "I just want to see the name of your new favourite band. Give me a minute." He turned the disk over in his hands and inhaled sharply. He didn't say anything and Leah soon heard an odd choking sound. Jacob was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks and his face had turned bright red.

"What?" She demanded.

"Your - New - Favourite- Band," Jacob sputtered, punctuating each word with successive chuckles. "Is - called - The- _Vamps._"

Leah gripped the steering wheel tightly. _It wasn't possible._

"For real?" She asked.

Jacob didn't reply. He was making hiccupping sounds and his face was now almost purple.

Leah groaned. "Keep it to yourself, Black," she ordered. She reached for a threat, something to hold against him, but came up short. _If anyone owed anyone, she owed him. _He'd agreed to the meditation after she'd saved his life, but since then he'd saved her at Sam's wedding, listened to her cry in the forest, taken her out for lunch, defended her against Quil, taken her with him to Hawaii and cleaned up her mess this morning. Leah squirmed in her seat and clenched her jaw. She didn't like feeling beholden to anyone and if she were honest with herself, she owed Jacob a lot of favours.

"Please don't say anything when we get back home," she pleaded with him.

"No worries, Clearwater," he said breezily. "What happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii. Besides, I like knowing that I'm the only person that can tease you about this. More fun for me."

Leah let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. Jacob had a funny way of making everything seem less serious and more fun. She wasn't even troubled by the ribbing she was going to get. She kind of liked the way Jacob joked around with her, he was always happy to get as good as he gave.

They pulled over at a small bay on the highway that was just large enough to fit the car. They didn't want to be spotted at one of the more touristy hiking areas. Jacob walked into the forest and Leah could hear him stripping and folding his clothes neatly before wedging them under a rock that sat low to the ground. Leah headed in the opposite direction and did the same thing.

"Are you _sure_ your neck's okay enough to try?" She asked nervously, knowing that he would hear her from wherever he was. She would never forget the way Jacob had looked last week or the sound the Not-Bella Vampire's boot made as it came crashing down on his back.

"If I don't try now, then we'll get a rude shock during patrol tomorrow if it's not," Jacob's voice came floating back through the trees.

Leah heard the popping sound of Jacob changing forms and allowed her own transformation to ripple through her. There was a shimmer as she gave in to the powerful animal that she struggled so carefully to keep in check. Hands and skin were replaced with paws and fur and she let out a brief howl of excitement. Just like the night before, she reveled in the silence of it all. The pack mind did not reach out across the Pacific and Leah could be alone with her thoughts.

_Except for the most important and magnificent pack mate_, Jacob interrupted her. _You're stuck with him_.

Leah rolled her wolven eyes and padded back towards Jacob. _Yeah? Where is this paragon of superiority? I've clearly not met him yet_.

_Ouch_, Jacob replied, but Leah could hear the smile behind his thoughts. Before she had time to trade another barb with him, she realised what their biggest problem would be when trying to meditate while phased.

_Each other_.

With no barriers between their minds, each would be able to distract the other. If one of them failed they probably both would. Moreover, there was no point trying to block each other out because they needed to be able to keep their thoughts clear even when someone else was phased and annoying them. That was the whole point: to not fall victim to the distraction of others and let loose thoughts become exposed. Leah wondered how they would achieve it.

_Start small_, Jacob answered her thoughts. _You try meditating and keeping your thoughts clear, and I'll listen in to see how you're going. Once it seems like it's working I can even try distracting you until you figure out how to manage that. Then we can swap and try the other way around_.

_Okay_, Leah agreed. It was as good a starting point as any. She turned and ran along what the map had told her was the base of the Koolau Mountains. Like the day before, she tried to breathe deeply and focus on her surroundings. The foliage here was different to the Olympic Peninsula and there was a sticky heat in the air. At first she kept noticing a pretty golden-yellow flower that seemed to grow everywhere although it thinned out as she began to climb upward. She was surprised to see guava trees dotting the landscape. She found herself thinking about how Sam loved guavas and how they used to make smoothies with different types of fruits to drink while studying at her kitchen table. That was before Emily.

_Sam. Emily. Sam's lips on her's. Sam's lips on Emily. Betrayal. There was something wrong with her._

_Leah! _Jacob cut across her thoughts. _Unless you're imagining shoving a guava up Sam's arse, I don't wanna hear it. Run it off!_

Leah shook her head in frustration. She didn't even know how that had happened. One minute she'd been completely immersed in her surroundings, the next her mind had gone back to the dangerous despair she was trying to escape.

_Don't escape it. Push past it_. Jacob advised.

_Thanks Mr Miyagi_, she muttered.

Leah clawed the ground and re-centred her thoughts. She inhaled deeply and tried to catalogue the scents. Frangipanis. Eucalypts. Jacob. She thought about how cool the rock surfaces that she scrambled over were. She pushed herself to run as fast as she could while still keeping her breathing deep and regular. She thought about the wolf in her heart as well as the skin she wore. She reached out to those thoughts and surrendered her mind to the animal. She felt the exact moment that her own mind let go completely. The world around her zoomed into sharper focus. Everything was instinct now. Leah would never know just how long she spent with her mind completely muted because the next thing she remembered was a yelling sound.

_LEAH, STOP!__!_

Jacob's voice brought her crashing back to reality.

_Wow, _she thought. _I did well_.

_Too well, _Jacob answered. _We still need to be able to communicate on some level, otherwise we won't be able to take out vamps_._ I tried getting your attention for a while but the only thing that reached you was a Beta command._

Leah growled in frustration. They were _so_ close. She had worked very hard to learn how to switch her mind off and now it might be all for naught because she needed to be able to hear and send thoughts. Her plan had been fundamentally flawed.

_Hey now_, Jacob cautioned. _We're not done yet... There's gotta be some middle ground_.

_If there is I don't see it. _Leah felt defeated. She raised her head up and howled into the sky.

What she glimpsed when she looked up towards the horizon was enough to distract her entirely. She saw a series of peaks, each peppered with streams that cascaded down the lush green mountains. She watched in awe and felt Jacob's own reaction – both to what was in her head and what he saw himself from his own vantage point several hundred metres south of her.

_This place really is paradise_, she thought.

_It is, _Jacob agreed. They watched in silence, each absorbed in the vision before them.

_Leah, _Jacob interrupted her. _That's the answer. Streams, streams of consciousness_.

_Of course_, she replied sarcastically. _That clears everything up Jake_.

_Woman, don't make me come over there_, he retorted. _Are you going to listen?_

_Are you going to say something that makes the slightest bit of sense?_

_Imagine the pack mind is like an onion_, Jacob suggested. _At the core, you have the pure wolf instinct that can filter out all human thought. On top of that there are layers. Different levels of dialogue. Conscious directed thoughts right down to trivial loose ideas. Instead of sending your mind to the core, you need to reach the level right before that trance... a place where you can still communicate but you only receive the important thoughts and you only send the thoughts you want to._

_If it's so easy, you do it, _Leah retorted.

_Bring it_, Jacob replied, running further ahead. _Try distracting me with different thoughts_, he demanded.

Leah began sending Jacob images of anything she could think of. Rebecca's new haircut. Quil dressed as a fairy princess at Claire's birthday party. It didn't stir Jacob. Almost regretfully, she began sending images of Paul and Rachel to him. At first he seemed impervious, but when she imagined Rachel on her knees in front of Paul, Jacob slipped and let out a roar.

_Sorry!_ Leah said hurriedly.

_I so don't ever want to think about that again._ Jacob replied. _I'll push further_.

Leah paused and waited for him to adjust his mind. She then began replaying the loop of Paul and Rachel. When Jacob seemed not to notice she realised she was going to have to test him with the thing that hurt him most. Leah began imagining Bella and Edward the same way she had imagined Rachel and Paul.

Jacob remained unmoved. Leah knew then that he'd reached oblivion. The key was to see whether he could still hear the important thoughts. She was trying to work out what to say to try and test him when her front paw slipped and landed on a nettle. She swore as she battled the stinging sensation.

_You okay Lee?_ Jacob's voice rang through her mind.

_Yeah, not even a scratch._.. _WAIT! You heard me. You did it! You heard the important thought stream and not the other waffle._

Leah felt Jacob mulling the idea over in his head. _I guess I did, he thought slowly. To be honest I didn't actually hear anything until your mind registered pain. What were you thinking about before that?_

Leah immediately slammed the door shut on the thoughts she had been using to test Jacob. For once she didn't want to use her mind to torture him. In fact, the idea made her feel a little sick.

_Not bad Leah, _Jacob said admiringly.

_Huh? _She asked.

_You basically did the same thing as me._ _I'm blocking out background waffle but still hearing a different level of consciousness, you're hearing everything but finding ways to immediately block your thoughts before you let anything slip. Two paths to the same end_.

_Your way seems a bit more relaxing_, Leah thought jealously.

_That glass is still half empty, huh?_ Jacob teased. Leah watched as his thoughts skipped across to a waterhole that he had reached. _Enough brain chatter. More holiday before it gets too late_.

Leah heard him decide to go for a swim before she felt the tingle as he phased back to human. She began to jog her way towards him.

He had picked an amazing spot. The azure water pooled in a large enclave enclosed by wildflowers. Blue butterflies and small birds flitted around them. Wolf Leah stopped to watch Jacob who was facing away from her under the waterfall feeding the lagoon. The muscles in his back stood taut while the cascading spray rolled down them.

_Keoni_ was right, Leah thought. _Good looking_ was a woeful understatement. It occurred to Leah that Jacob was positioned the way he was so that she would be able to jump in without him seeing her naked. She appreciated the gesture but was struck with a wave of anxiety. The pack was naked around each other all the time but this felt... different.

"You coming in or what, Clearwater?" Jacob called.

Jacob's use of her surname snapped her attention back to reality. It was _just Jake_. She shook her head at her inexplicable hesitation and phased to human. A small trail of steam rose from her molten skin as she waded into the water. She paddled slowly towards the falls. When she was no more than a metre away she raked her hands behind her to create momentum and threw a walloping splash in Jacob's direction.

"Hey!" he cried, turning around and splashing her back. They threw water at each other, giggling and shrieking. The rain had subsided and the sun snaked through the clouds casting fingers of god from the sky. Leah concentrated on trying to memorise every detail. She had never seen anything so beautiful.

"What are you thinking?" Jacob asked her curiously.

Leah turned to him and grinned. "I'm taking a mental photograph," she replied. "So I can come back here whenever I want." She mimed having a camera in front of her and took pictures of the falls, the flowers, the trees surrounding them and finally Jacob.

"Hey, let me do my best pose!" Jacob demanded, puffing his chest out and twisting his arms into a bicep curls.

"These are meant to be holiday happy snaps, Black, not a slideshow of you impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger," Leah chuckled.

"There. Freeze," Jacob replied. He took his own imaginary camera and pointed it straight at Leah. "You should smile more Lee. You look... so pretty when you smile. Your whole face lights up."

Leah ducked her head in embarrassment. She didn't know what to say. Jacob moved towards her and reached out to tip her chin so she was looking at him. Leah instinctively reached out to place a hand on his chest to keep him an arm's length away. She felt painfully aware of the fact that one of his impulsive bone-crushing hugs would bring their bare flesh together.

"You need to learn how to hear good things about yourself, Lee," Jacob said softly.

"I'm not sure there's anything good left, Jacob," Leah whispered.

"Don't be like that." Jacob said firmly. "Don't let someone else's mistakes affect how you view yourself. You'll never be the _old_ Leah, but this new Leah – maybe she's the best version of you yet."

Leah felt a flutter inside her. Jacob's ability to hope for the best for others, even when he thought himself broken and luckless was overwhelming. He tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear and they inadvertently drew closer. Leah stared at Jacob. Keoni had been wrong. His looks weren't what made Jacob special. As impossibly handsome as he was, it was his heart that set him aside from others. He had his own magic, a sunny goodness that shone from his face and acted as a salve for the deepest of wounds. Leah didn't want to look away. Jacob's eyes darkened as he returned her gaze, an unfathomable expression appearing on his face. Leah's breath hitched in her chest.

The strange splodge of water that trickled down his cheek fractured the moment and Leah looked up so see the rains resuming in the late afternoon sky. _How long had they been out here? They were meant to pick Rebecca up from class at six._

As if reading her mind, Jacob swore under his breath and ran from the water, phasing on the fly. Leah waited until he was clearly out of viewing range and did the same thing. They raced back towards the car, both concerned that Rebecca was waiting for them alone in front of her school.

_She'll think I'm doing it to get at her after our fight earlier_, Leah fretted.

_It'll be fine_, Jacob replied.

They managed to flag down a pedestrian once they were driving down the main road and to their relief he told them that it was only a little after five. They returned to the house and packed their meagre belongings while Sol – who was in a much better mood than he had been that morning – regaled them with stories of the big waves he had caught that afternoon.

They collected Rebecca and all had dinner at a restaurant that overlooked the sunset at Waikiki. Leah could feel that Rebecca was still uncomfortable around her, but she noticed that she was making a real effort to ask Jacob about how things were at home and she _promised_ that she would come home for Christmas that year. Leah decided she didn't care if Rebecca didn't like her earlier outburst if it meant that Jacob got a better sister as a result.

Leah felt a strange pressure building in her chest as they said farewells and prepared to meet the leeches at the airport. She assumed that it was because she didn't want to go back to La Push (and because Alice and Rosalie stank to high heaven), but when she was actually on the plane with a bulldog clip back on her nose and Jacob snoring next to her, she found herself looking at him closely and wondering if this was an anxiety of a completely different kind.

She watched the fullness of Jacob's lips and the vein that throbbed at the side of his neck and she admitted the truth to herself – the thing she hadn't wanted to see earlier and had allowed concerns about Rebecca to distract her from.

She'd wanted to kiss Jacob in that blue lagoon.

_And a part of her wanted to kiss him even now_.

* * *

* This line is a direct lift from Breaking Dawn

* * *

_Review if you like_


	9. Black Mark

**A/N: I agonised over this chapter. It was so hard to write in so many ways, but in the end, I couldn't see this going down differently. It's a short one as we get ready for what's coming... you all know what's coming, right? ; )**

**9. ****Black Mark**

Jacob eyed the clock expectantly.

It seemed a universal truth that when you were looking forward to something, time actually slowed down.

He had finished patrol with Leah a few hours ago and they had made plans to have a late-night movie marathon at his place after they both grabbed a quick dinner with their families. Jacob was excited because when he'd been doing the household shopping in Forks earlier in the day he'd seen that CD that Leah loved so much and bought it on impulse (somewhat misappropriating grocery funds at the time). He couldn't wait to give it to her and he'd almost blabbed about it while they were running in the forest. Luckily Leah seemed obsessed with putting up her mind walls these days and she hadn't paid a lick of attention to Jacob's thoughts. Jacob didn't understand why she seemed so keen to constantly practice running meditation. They'd worked out in Hawaii that they could hide their thoughts if they wanted to. Then again, it wasn't like Leah to rest on her laurels. _It was one of the best things about her_, Jacob thought. _She was stubborn and competitive and that made her strong_.

Jacob was hoping that the CD would cheer Leah up. She'd seemed a bit distant when they had gotten home - or as distant as it was possible to be when they were spending ten hours a day running patrols together. It was like she had the post-holiday blues, despite the fact that their holiday had been so brief that no one had actually noticed they had gone away.

When Embry had come by on Monday night and Quil had been around on Tuesday morning, Billy had simply told them in his usual brief way that Jacob wasn't at home and they should come back later. Jacob had assumed that Seth would have known about the trip, but when he was over at the Clearwater house playing Halo with him, Collin and Brady on Wednesday night (much to Leah's annoyance), Seth had remarked that he hadn't seen Jacob in a while. Jacob had arched his brow at Leah and she had shrugged at him in response. Leah had actually left a note for Sue and Seth telling them that she was away visiting friends and would be back for patrol on Wednesday. Although both had apparently been annoyed that she hadn't left a contact number, they hadn't pushed her for details when she returned safe and sound and well in time to go on patrol. Jacob could have told Seth then that he'd been in Hawaii – but for reasons he himself didn't understand, he'd decided not to mention it to anyone. Maybe it was just nice to know that no one would be able to pluck it out of his head unless he let them. The idea gave him a small thrill and he reasoned that Leah felt the same about their newfound mental privacy.

A harsh pounding on the front door snapped Jacob back to reality.

"Jesus Leah, keep your shirt on - I'm coming!" he called as he made his way down the hall. He opened the door to a very pissed off looking Embry Call.

"Hi Em, sorry I thought you were Leah."

"I'll bet you did." Embry growled, shoving past Jacob and storming into the lounge room.

Jacob followed immediately, leaving the front door hanging wide open. "Em, what the hell's wrong?" He called.

"Nothing," Embry snapped sarcastically. "I just came round to congratulate the happy couple. Sounds like I'm in perfect time."

Jacob watched as Embry's torso trembled. He wondered if he should try and get him outside. If he phased then he'd probably rip apart the whole living area and take out the side wall with him. He couldn't imagine what had got his usually easygoing best friend so distressed and played Embry's words back over in his head.

"Paul and Rachel aren't here," Jacob replied slowly. What did Embry want to congratulate them on? He tensed. If Paul-_fucking_-Lahote had gone and knocked up his sister that really would be cause to rip half the house apart although he couldn't understand why it would particularly trouble Embry. Despite their completely different dispositions, Embry and Paul had developed an unlikely friendship. They had phased in close proximity to one another at a time when the pack was just them, Sam and Jared - both of whom were already extremely close. In the period where Embry had been sequestered from Jacob and Quil, Paul had filled a gap and given Embry the support he needed to deal with the knowledge that not only was he a giant wolf, but he'd probably grown up within spitting distance of a Quileute father who'd simply chosen to never acknowledge him. Oddly, he and Paul bonded over that. They couldn't work out who had it worse: Paul with the father whose attentions frequently broke bones; or Embry with the father whose indifference broke his spirit.

"I know they're not here Jake, I just came from patrol with Paul... who heard something very interesting from Rachel today..." Embry trailed off and Jacob continued to stare at him in confusion. He knew his friend was angry, and he was starting to think that he was very angry at _him_, but he couldn't figure out why.

"For fuck's sake Jake! Everyone knows! Rebecca told Rachel who told Kim and Paul who told everyone else! _The least you could have done was tell me first!_ I should break your face." Embry's fists were clenched at his sides, his bare chest heaving as he struggled to stay human.

Jacob found his own body rippling in response. The challenge - the threat - from someone that his wolf regarded as inferior was difficult to ignore. The two men glared at each other, and the little lounge seemed to shrink around their forms. Two angry topless bookends in low hanging cargo pants, so similar in every way including the ferocious scowl pasted across their faces.

"And what the fuck," Jacob said in a low voice, "does everyone supposedly know?"

"That you're dating Leah." Embry spat, a wave of sorrow overtaking his eyes before he pulled himself into a neutral mask.

"_WHAT_?" Jacob shouted. He couldn't have looked any more flabbergasted if he'd tried, his eyes almost comically wide, his brows stretching halfway up his forehead and his mouth hanging open. His reaction had Embry floored. He'd expected Jacob to be remorseful and ashamed. He paused to take stock of Jacob's surprised response. "What are you talking about?" Jacob pressed him for an answer.

"Did you or did you not go on some sort of romantic getaway with Leah to Hawaii earlier this week?" Embry asked icily.

"Romantic getaway? Are you shitting me? I went to see Rebecca because the Cullens had a private jet and I was off patrol for a few days. Leah wanted to come because she missed Becca too. So what?" Jacob asked. He was itching to fight now, his wolf resenting the accusations and intrusion into his personal space.

"So how would you feel if you found out that _Bella_ and I went for a mini-vacation somewhere? Maybe to Jacksonville to visit her mother? You'd have been fine with that, right?" Embry sneered.

Jacob tensed. He would most certainly _not_ be okay with that. "Don't you think it's a bit different?" He asked through gritted teeth, attempting to sound diplomatic. "You don't really know Bella other than through me and you don't know her mother. Leah's _pack_ and I hang out with her all the time and she's been friends with Becca since the day she was born."

"Since _when_ do you hang out with Leah all the time?" Embry asked. "Before you got back you literally despised her, now you're being spotted out on the town with her every day!" Embry's voice was shaking but it wasn't anger that undercut his emotions now, it was hurt. Jacob could hear the pain in Embry's voice. If he had continued to be aggressive, Jacob wouldn't have been able to stop himself from responding in kind, but the bitter agony that laced through Embry's words touched the human side of Jacob and stilled his burgeoning rage. This was _Embry_. Embry who'd always been supportive of his affections for Bella because he had his own unrequited and impossible crush. They had talked about the unattainable women in their lives on more than one occasion. Embry never called Bella a leech-lover or mocked her the way Paul and Jared did, and when Jacob had hit rock bottom, Embry had caught him.

_Embry was more than a pack mate to him. _He was like a brother. He'd often wondered if they _were_ brothers – even wished for it - but it didn't seem likely that Billy would allow Embry to go unclaimed.

"Em, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick somehow." Jacob said evenly. He watched as Embry's eyes flashed with hope, before being replaced by a more suspicious glint.

"Paul saw you cuddling Leah in the woods on Sunday." He said pointedly.

Jacob cocked his head in thought. "That's right," he agreed. "She told me she thinks-" Jacob paused. Leah's fear that she was the reason Harry died was _private_. She'd made it clear that she didn't want anyone else to know about it. He wasn't going to betray her trust. Even if it meant that he and Embry came to blows. "She was really upset. I'm sure Paul saw she was crying. What would _you _have done if _anyone_ you knew was hurting like that?"

"Quil saw you at Lucy's having a burger with her," Embry continued, ignoring Jacob's explanation and pacing along the length of the lounge.

"Dude that was the same day!" Jacob yelled in exasperation.

"He said you got _real_ territorial."

"Because I told him off when his imprint called Leah a bitter bitch?" Jacob asked incredulously.

Embry stopped short. "_Claire_ said that?"

"Yup," Jake drawled, popping the 'p'. "Doesn't it warm your heart to know the wholesome things nanny Quil teaches the little girl?"

"I should fucking tear them both to pieces the next time they come anywhere near her," Embry muttered.

"Who's getting territorial now?" Jake smirked. The two men shared a smile and the animosity in the room lifted a little.

"Jared and Kim saw you guys rolling in the sand at First Beach," Embry said cautiously. "I've seen the memory in his head".

"Then I'm sure you saw that we were both fully clothed and wrestling and she looked dangerously close to kneeing me in the nuts." Jacob pointed out. Embry had put two and two together and got _eleven_. The trouble was, when he filtered through things from Embry's perspective, it wasn't hard to see why he had gotten so riled up. An uncomfortable kernel of doubt began niggling at the back of his mind. He squished it.

Embry sank down into the lounge. "So you're not dating?" He clarified.

"No," Jacob told him honestly, but his wolf snarled inside himself as he spoke the words. "Come on Em, Bella got married two weeks ago and Sam got married last weekend. Be reasonable."

Embry put his hands over his face and shook his head. "Why didn't you ask me to come with you to Hawaii?"

Jacob sighed. He honestly hadn't even thought about what Embry would think about his newfound friendship with Leah. He and Leah had secrets from the rest of the pack. Shortcomings they were trying desperately to hide from everyone else. He couldn't tell Embry that he and Leah had been on a mind-bending mission to meditate without revealing the reason that that was so important.

"I don't know, Em," he muttered. "I _did_ tell her to confide in _you_ and not me. On more than one occasion. You'd be much better at helping her through everything she's suffering through... and if it means anything, I did encourage her to give you a shot."

Embry's head snapped to attention and his gaze pierced right through Jacob. "What did she say?" He screeched.

Jacob hung his head. How could he tell his best friend that Leah Clearwater had nearly phased in anger on a Hawaiian sidewalk at the very idea of dating him? He didn't want to be the bearer of bad news.

"Jake," Embry demanded. "What did she say?"

It was Jacob's turn to pace now, up and down the small room as he avoided Embry's frantic plea.

"She said she's not interested in dating at all. She's waiting until she imprints. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, and she won't go out with you because _you might imprint_ and then she'd be right back at square one."

"What if neither of us ever imprints?" Embry exclaimed.

Jacob shrugged. Embry didn't understand how risk-adverse a person could be after having their heart stomped on. No one could unless they'd actually been there.

"So that's it then?" Embry asked disbelievingly.

"Maybe you should talk to her," Jacob murmured uncomfortably. His wolf gnawed at him again and his mind finally unleashed the notion it had been trying so hard to suppress. Jacob's thoughts drifted towards a blue lagoon and two teenagers taking mental pictures as the sun illuminated the clouds. Jacob and his wolf had been captivated by the enigma that was Leah Clearwater. She was so _freaking_ beautiful time itself had stood still while she smiled and laughed. She'd licked her lips and for a moment a bizarre idea flitted across his head. Something so crazy that he'd dismissed it before it had even properly reached his conscious mind.

It was so ridiculous he'd buried it. _It was preposterous. __And now it was clawing out and demanding his attention. The more Embry pushed him, the more he couldn't think of anything else._

Leah had made her views on romantic interludes with unimprinted wolves crystal clear and he was pretty sure that a sixteen year old high school drop-out didn't rate highly for her. Bella had been obsessed with the age gap between her and Jacob, and Leah was almost an entire year older than her.

Still, Jacob found his head drifting back to that waterfall _and those __lips_ and wondering why in that moment the air had felt so thick and his heart had been racing. He didn't want it to be for the obvious reason. The one that would make him no better than Emily.

Jacob had lost so much of himself in the past six months. His childhood, his innocence. The youthful exuberance that had always allowed him to believe that everything would be okay – but even with everything he'd lost, he'd fought to still be him. The good son and friend that people could count on. He wouldn't be anybody else and he wouldn't wear the black mark that came with violating the bro code.

As he did so very frequently, he allowed the man to trump the wolf, and he told himself that weird lagoon mojo meant nothing -_less than nothing_ - when one factored in Leah's obvious lack of interest. She was attractive. He had noticed. That was hardly a hanging offence. It didn't mean he was trying to cut Embry's grass.

As if reading his mind, Embry turned to him with a look of trepidation.

"You know what Jake?" Embry began, biting his lower lip. "You know how _I_ feel, and you've told me how _Leah_ feels, but you know what you haven't touched on? You haven't once said how _you_ feel."

Jacob exhaled heavily. "I _feel_ fucking frustrated that my best friend had to throw a crazed tantrum rather than just talking to me like a normal person," he deflected.

"Sorry," Embry said curtly. Jacob's shoulders sagged with relief but the action was premature.

"How do you _feel_ about Leah, Jake?" Embry added, his voice saccharine and uncharacteristically high-pitched.

Jacob looked at Embry. His poor heart was confused about a lot of things these days. Confused about what Bella had done, confused about why he had never been enough, confused about why he was keeping Leah Clearwater's secrets at Embry's expense and why a part of his mind was completely removed from this conversation and wondering _where she was_ because she was meant to be here ages ago. The thoughts swum around his head at dizzying speeds, but the one thing that he didn't doubt for a moment was the loyalty he owed Embry.

_He was his best friend. The only best friend he had left now that Bella had made her choice._

With firm conviction, he squished the internal thrashing of his wolf and met Embry's piercing gaze. He spoke the words, meaning them with every fibre of his being. He believed them to be true. _He wanted them to be true_. They would be true. He would later wonder how he could have handled the conversation differently. If he could have saved Embry a world of pain if he was more self-aware when Embry had come to him seeking solace.

_But he wasn't_. So he spoke the words of comfort without ever stopping to realise what they would later cost.

"Dude, you're my best friend and when it comes to Leah, I get that you've placed her in a perpetual state of dibs. You've got nothing to worry about."

Embry looked mollified although it occurred to Jacob that he had again managed to sidestep discussing his own emotions... to the extent that they related to Leah anyway.

Perhaps Embry would have realised that also, if not for the large clanging sound of Seth Clearwater barrelling through the open front door and into the lounge room.

"Jake," Seth called. "JAKE!"

Jacob and Embry were already standing, they could hear the panic and fear in Seth's cries.

"What's wrong?" Jacob demanded.

"It's Leah," Seth wheezed, gasping for breath. "Sam's back. I don't know why he's back early but he's over at my house yelling at Leah and when I tried to get between them he _alpha ordered me_ to shut up and get out of the house. My own house!" Seth said incredulously. "He's upsetting her Jake, and she's crying and _she hasn't done anything_!"

Jacob was running towards the door before Seth had even finished his explanation. The tenuous hold he had on sanity seemed to slip away and he allowed the ruthless anger he always fought so hard to keep in check to rise to the surface.

"Get the entire pack over to the Clearwater house RIGHT NOW" he bellowed at Embry as he sprinted down the driveway.

His arms and legs rippled but he forced himself not to phase.

_Human_, he reminded himself. _You said you would fight him human_.


End file.
